Recovering from Relationship Abuse and Domestic Violence Quotes
Vernon Chalmers Personal Mental Health Quotes
Vernon Chalmers Personal Mental Health Quotes
- Power of the Pawn -
“The Power of the Pawn – at the start of a game of chess it may just be able to move one or two vacant square(s) directly forward, but with patience and strategy it can topple the fast and nimble opposite Queen - and even trap her King. Checkmate! It was part and parcel the story of my narcissistic abuse until I was able to remove the 'Queen of Grandiosity' from my existence. Relationships should never be about a game of 'Kings and Queens' or 'Winning or Losing', but a Reality of Mutual Respect, Trust and Gratitude…” — Vernon Chalmers
- Abuse and Disrespect -
"For any man who is being emotionally, physically, verbally and / or sexuality abused by a woman (in any intimate relationship) it is not a shame, but rather the disrespect and violation of the man's body, character, integrity and values. Never retaliate with force, but rather end the relationship as soon as possible. Physical assault (even) by a significant other is a criminal offence - treat it as such! I wish I did at the time." — Vernon Chalmers
- Lack of Gratitude -
"I was exposed to a serious lack of gratitude, witnessed through a vivacious self-entitled attitude, during a relatively short, but important personal relationship. At the time I did not fully comprehend why some people cannot say 'thank you', but since then learned the behavioral pathology of why displaying any form of gratitude is so excruciating for them. Daily gratitude is one of the most valuable characteristics we should apply to whoever contributes whatever meaningful to our lives - irrespective of the magnitude of the deed." — Vernon Chalmers
- Letting Go -
"Letting go of this transactional and abusive relationship was not an achievement as such, but rather the acceptance of ending a dramatic trauma bond that had the toxic behaviour dynamics to cause severe (and possibly long-term) negative consequences. I was unfortunatly enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with someone who was emotionally stunted in the ability to trust, love and / or respect others as part of the reciprocal values required for an emotionally stable relationship." — Vernon Chalmers
- Impaired Decision-Making -
"It does not mean someone with impaired decision-making should be excused - it means that the 'normal' individual in relation to them should be mindful that there are indeed real reasons why impaired decision-makers make their 'as is' decisions without rational conscience, responsibility and or perpetual lack of gratitude / remorse. You may find these individuals make (important) decisions out of anger, anxiety, fear, lack of confidence, sarcasm and / or identity deficiency - as projection for shielding a weak sense of self." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Towards a Fear of Failure -
‘The cognitive sense of reasoning is more often than not overwhelmed and lost by perpetual emotional projection and / or self-doubt when distracted by life’s many inherent moments of the unknown’
- Self-Development and Research -
"The 'Mental Health and Motivation’ self-development and research journey manifests a renewed awareness of patience, presence and purpose - not just in learning more about the (humanistic) existential self, but also gaining a metacognitive understanding of our neuropsychological functioning that inevitably shapes behaviour choices - in any given moment or situation (in relation to self and others) - and that any of these choices can be changed if desired". — Vernon Chalmers
- Abusive and Violent Behaviour -
"The insight gained assisted me for coming to terms with the possible stimulus and response(s) why someone would be so ferociously induced by their shameless brutality of abusive and violent behaviour for demanding attention, maintaining control, staying relevant, overcoming disappointment and / or satisfying delusions of grandeur." — Vernon Chalmers
- Determination -
"Through reading, sheer determination and my support system (of family and friends) the benefit of time slowly turned the infinite upside-down puzzle, piece by piece, around in my mind. Its only lately that I'm able see a more integrated and complete picture - a clear vision of what life should be without the toxicity of abuse and domestic violence." — Vernon Chalmers
- Acceptance -
"Acceptance is an essential realisation of being at peace with the true self - the same self that was once simultaneously immersed in the cognitive dissonance of loving and the fear of leaving someone that neither respected nor trusted my integrity, goodwill and / or values." — Vernon Chalmers
- Cognitive Defusion -
"Gaining a deeper understanding of cognitive dissonance assisted me in acquiring valuable insight, conditioning and application of cognitive defusion. Through healthy cognitive (self) reasoning and associated evaluation / action processes I have learned to untangle the perpetual thoughts of someone else's narcissistic and antisocial persona." — Vernon Chalmers
- Self-Preservation -
"The essence of self-preservation were the months that I had to go into the darkness of my soul with no torch to search / no artificial light to face the bedrock of the self. It was deep down to unconditionally learn more about the rawness of the dejected self - in honesty and fairness of who I was, want to be, will be, can / could be... without judgement, prejudice and / or fear." — Vernon Chalmers
- Patience, Presence and Purpose -
"Becoming a mental health (research) advocate provided me with a more coherent understanding of patience, presence and purpose. The added value of a re-defined vision, perceptual conditioning and unbiased decision-making perspectives enabled a definite advantage of an existential awakening through sense of self and interaction with others." — Vernon Chalmers
- Grief Awareness -
"Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of this grief I find myself thinking less and less of this horrific period and person. The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief (and loss) made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focusing on the daily awareness of the here and now... It took time, introspection, reflection and soul searching to finally arrive at the other side of this profound and self-enriching journey." ― Vernon Chalmers
- The Authentic Self -
"The authentic self should always emerge, if allowed... not in relation to others first, but to the self first. This does not mean I diminish the roles others play in my life, their roles are meaningful - when they are 'healthy' individual with acceptable social behaviour, norms and values." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Emotional Self-Healing -
"Some may never (want to) know, others are determined that within the desire to achieve certain behaviour changes that their healing journeys will add more awareness, acceptance and subsequently, self-enrichment - all of which will be processed differently through different individuals (with / or without the professional intervention of a mental health care practitioner)." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Portfolio of Choice -
"Knowledge, time, trust and journaling turned into a conscientious Portfolio of Choice. Writing and reading my own state of mind became my daily therapy." — Vernon Chalmers
- To See the Light -
"I cried for the insight to seek, find and see the light where the darkness of my soul once relentlessly obscured the intrinsic value and meaning of life." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Light, Patience and Gratitude -
"Joseph taught me to see the light, he taught me composition, but above all, he taught me patience… with dignity and sincere gratitude." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Neuroscience and Human Behaviour -
"With a personal interest in education, training and psychology I have found contemporary neuroscience as a fundamental physiological requirement for gaining more insight into cognitive vs. emotional decision-making biases and subsequent behavioural responses. Learning more about human brain asymmetry and lateralisation and how the limbic system controls our cognition, motivation, emotions and stress reactions etc. are indeed fascinating, but also serves as important (personal) guidance in understanding more about human behaviour challenges / development." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Phenomenality of Self Awakening -
"During the past two years I processed one of the most disappointing experiences of my life - facing and healing from extreme pathological behaviour from the person I once cared for the most. The subsequent journey to accept that I cannot take responsibility for someone else's abuse towards me that manifested through the inhumane disrespect of perpetual infringements of my expectations, norms, values, safety and quality of life. The renewed awakening of what humanity should be (in learning from its absence) is indeed a gift that keeps on giving..." ― Vernon Chalmers
- Trusting Nature for Emotional Wellbeing -
"The natural environment spectrum is broad - from extreme wildlife to the smallest microplant - and there is a therapeutic contribution / connection anywhere along this fascinating natural continuum (but only if there is sufficient awareness, application trust in the healing benefit(s) of self-sustainable 'nature-connectedness')." – Vernon Chalmers
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| Personal Quotes on Recovering from Relationship Abuse and Domestic Violence |
