How Do You Know when Therapy is Required?

Need for Counseling or Therapy: Awareness, Research and Resources

"I believe that a different therapy must be constructed for each patient because each has a unique story." – Irvin D. Yalom

"Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel and behave. In other words, if we can learn to think about other people in a more positive and realistic way, it will be far easier to resolve conflicts and develop rewarding personal and professional relationships." – David D. Burns

How To Decide on the Right Therapist / Counselor

How do I know if I need therapy?
"Determining if you need therapy can depend on various factors. Here are some signs that might indicate therapy could be beneficial for you:

• Persistent feelings of sadness or anxiety: If you're experiencing intense or prolonged feelings of sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness that interfere with your daily life, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist.

• Difficulty coping with life changes: Major life changes such as divorce, loss of a loved one, job loss, or relocation can be challenging to navigate alone. Therapy can provide support during these transitions.

• Strained relationships: If you're having difficulties in your relationships, whether with a partner, family member, friend, or coworker, therapy can help you learn healthier communication and conflict resolution skills.

• Traumatic experiences: If you've experienced trauma, such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or a significant accident, therapy can assist in processing the trauma and developing coping mechanisms.

• Unhealthy coping mechanisms: Engaging in harmful behaviors like substance abuse, self-harm, or excessive avoidance can be signs that you would benefit from therapy to address underlying issues.

• Persistent physical symptoms: Sometimes, unresolved emotional issues can manifest as physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, or insomnia. If you've ruled out medical causes, therapy may help address the underlying emotional issues.

• Feeling stuck or overwhelmed: If you feel stuck in life, unable to make decisions, or overwhelmed by responsibilities, therapy can provide clarity and support in exploring your options.

• Low self-esteem: Constant self-criticism, feelings of worthlessness, or difficulty asserting yourself may indicate low self-esteem that therapy can help address.

• Difficulty managing emotions: If you struggle to regulate your emotions, experiencing frequent mood swings, anger outbursts, or feeling emotionally numb, therapy can teach you skills to manage your emotions effectively

• Desire for personal growth: Even if you're not experiencing significant distress, therapy can be valuable for personal growth, self-discovery, and improving overall well-being.

Remember, seeking therapy doesn't mean you're weak or broken—it's a courageous step toward taking care of your mental health, just as you would your physical health. If any of these signs resonate with you, consider reaching out to a therapist for support and guidance." (Source: ChatGPT 2024)

Do I Need Therapy? 25 Signs & Benefits to Consider choosing therapy

Do I Need Therapy? Quiz Psych Central

Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal HelpGuide

Finding the Right Therapist – Essential Questions to Ask Harley Therapy™ Blog

Guide to Psychiatry and Counseling WebMD

How Do I Know if I Need Therapy? APA

Recognizing the Signs: How Do I Know I Need Therapy? LinkedIn

Ten Questions to ask when Choosing a Therapist Harvard Medical School

What’s the Difference Between a Psychologist and Therapist? How to Choose Healthline

When to Go to Therapy: 13 Signs It's Time to Consider Therapy Self

How to Determine if You Need Therapy or Psychiatry Pyramid Healthcare

How to Choose a Psychotherapist UKCP

How to Choose a Therapist, Counselor, & Psychologist choosing therapy

How To Find the Right Therapist: 10 Tips Psych Central

How Do I Know if I Need Therapy? Everyday Health

How Do You Know If You Need Mental Health Therapy? HealthyPlace

How to Know When It’s Time to See a Therapist Verywell Mind

Selecting The Right Therapist… Therapist Directory South Africa

Do You Need Therapy? How to Know If You Need to See a Therapist - Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

Schizophrenia Resources

Schizophrenia Disorder Awareness, Research and Resources 

“With schizophrenia, we know that we are dealing with a range of disorders of varying severity which arise from a mosaic of one or more factors – genetic, biochemical, neurological – interacting in complex ways with the person's environment and personality.”― Anne Deveson

What is Schizophrenia?

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia Research

Treatment for Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia
"Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects a person's thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and behavior. It is characterized by a combination of symptoms that can vary in severity and may include:

1. Positive symptoms: These symptoms involve distortions or exaggerations of normal thoughts, perceptions, and behaviors. They may include hallucinations (perceiving things that are not there), delusions (false beliefs), disorganized thinking and speech, and disorganized or abnormal motor behavior.

2. Negative symptoms: These symptoms refer to a loss or reduction of normal thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They may include decreased emotional expression, reduced motivation and pleasure in activities, social withdrawal, and difficulties with speech and communication.

3. Cognitive symptoms: These symptoms affect cognitive processes such as attention, memory, and problem-solving abilities. People with schizophrenia may have difficulties with concentration, memory recall, and executive functions, which can impact their ability to plan and carry out daily tasks.

Schizophrenia usually emerges in late adolescence or early adulthood and can have a significant impact on a person's functioning and quality of life. The exact cause of schizophrenia is unknown, but it is believed to result from a combination of genetic, environmental, and neurochemical factors.

Treatment for schizophrenia often involves a combination of medications, such as antipsychotic drugs, and psychosocial interventions, including therapy, social support, and vocational rehabilitation. The goal is to manage symptoms, reduce the frequency and severity of relapses, and improve overall functioning and quality of life.

It's important to approach schizophrenia with empathy, understanding, and support. Educating oneself about the disorder can help reduce stigma and promote a more compassionate attitude towards individuals living with schizophrenia." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)

A New Approach for Treating Schizophrenia Wellcome

Alternative Treatment for Schizophrenia without Medication Lighthouse Network

Awareness of Action in Schizophrenia ReseachGate

Digital Shareables on Schizophrenia NIH

Dopamine Dysregulation a Causative Culprit in Schizophrenia? Medscape

Evolving Concepts of the Schizophrenia Spectrum: A Research Domain Criteria Perspective Frontiers in Psychiatry

False Dogmas in Schizophrenia Research: Toward the Reification of Pathway Phenotypes and Pathway Classes Frontiers in Psychiatry

Five Types of Schizophrenia and Why They’ve Changed MyDepressionTeam

High-impact research from the Schizophrenia Bulletin Journals Oxford Academic

Important New Research on Schizophrenia Genetics Provides Strongest Evidence to Date of Problems at the Brain’s Synapses Brain & Behavior Research Foundation

Latest Schizophrenia Research WebMD

List of 50+ Schizophrenia Medications Compared Drugs.com

Milestones in the History of Schizophrenia. A Comprehensive Chronology of Schizophrenia Research: What Do We Know and When Did We Know It American Psychiatric Association

New Study Pinpoints Genetic Mechanism Linking Dopamine to Schizophrenia Medical Press

Psychosis and Schizophrenia-Spectrum Personality Disorders Require Early Detection on Different Symptom Dimensions Frontiers in Psychiatry

Researchers Discover Second Type of Schizophrenia Penn Medicine

Schizophrenia Diagnosis and Treatment Mayo Clinic

Schizophrenia International Research Society SIRS

Schizophrenia Key Facts WHO / World Health Organisation

Schizophrenia Medications. A closer look at Medication for Schizophrenia and finding the right treatment for you PSYCOM

Schizophrenia: Reliability and Validity tutor2u

Schizophrenia Research and Treatment Hindawi

Schizophrenia Research Program Massachusetts General Hospital

Schizophrenia Symptoms: Behavior, Delusions, and Coping Healthline

Schizophrenia Treatment: Types of Therapies and Medication WebMD

Schizophrenia: What It Is, Causes, Symptoms & Treatment Cleveland Clinic

Stanford Scientists solve Secret of Nerve Cells Marking a form of Schizophrenia Stanford Medicine

Treatment Outcomes in Schizophrenia: Qualitative Study of the Views of Family Carers BMC

 Psychiatry

Types of Schizophrenia Mental Health UK

• Paranoid schizophrenia
• Hebephrenic schizophrenia
• Catatonic schizophrenia
• Undifferentiated schizophrenia
• Residual schizophrenia
• Simple schizophrenia
• Unspecified schizophrenia

Varieties of Self Disorder: A Bio-Pheno-Social Model of Schizophrenia NIH

What Do You Want to Know About Schizophrenia? Healthline

What are the Signs and Symptoms of Schizophrenia? Rethink

What is Schizophrenia? American Psychiatric Association

What is Schizophrenia? NAMI / National Alliance on Mental Illness (USA)

What is Schizophrenia? Therapeutic Communication Nursing - Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

Relationship Abuse Recovery Article Index

Abuse Symptoms, Psychopathology, Domestic Violence and Trauma

Personal Struggle and Recovery from Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”― Jeanne McElvaney

“Walking away from someone you love is not an immoral thing. If that person isn’t good for your wellbeing in any way, it’s important to step away from that relationship.”― Arien Smith

Personal Mental Health Journal. Road to Recovery from Abuse...

Abuse Recovery Articles : Vernon Chalmers Recovery Narrative

• In the Absence of Gratitude...
• Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
• Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
• 20 Relationship Red Flags I unfortunately Ignored for Months
• The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
• Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
• Thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
• Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss
• Restoring a Sense of Calm after an Abusive Relationship
• From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
• My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
• Emotional Self-Healing Q&A
• Concluding Remarks

Relationship Abuse Recovery by Vernon Chalmers

The listed Article Index is an essential contribution to the Vernon Chalmers Portfolio of Choice therapeutic journaling narrative that I created for assisting me in overcoming the abuse, domestic violence and associated trauma I was subjected to during and after an abusive relationship that ended in August 2020. The last article 'Concluding Remarks' is the final article in completing my abuse recovery journey. 

My Portfolio of Choice online article collection is testimony to the healing power of knowledge, time and writing as therapeutic guidance to overcome, accept and heal from one of the biggest disappointments of my life. Read more Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship >>

In the Absence of Gratitude...
During the infatuation stage of the relationship it never occurred to me that I was never thanked for anything. It was only while living with her full time (in a routine environment) that this behaviour of ingratitude was now overtly manifesting itself. Over the short term this behaviour from her was repeated ever so often and I felt the need to address this delicate issue. Read more >>

Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
When the first verbal and physical threats occurred about four months into the relationship I was overwhelmed with my ex-girlfriend's threatening and aggressive behaviour towards me. I was oblivious to the fact that she was capable of this aggressive behaviour (although at that stage I was well aware of her at-times callous and self-centred nature). Read more >>

Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
Through reading, sheer determination and my support system (of family and friends) the benefit of time slowly turned the infinite upside-down puzzle pieces around in my mind. Its only lately that I'm able see a more integrated and complete picture - a clear vision of what life should be without the toxicity of abuse and domestic violence. Read more >>

20 Relationship Red Flags I Unfortunately Ignored for Months
For months I was witness to / and on the receiving end of the most abusive and antisocial human behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unacceptable and abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis. Read more >>

The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
During the past year I referred to Cognitive Dissonance in several of my articles and Facebook comments. Now, in the final stretch and conclusion of my own ‘healing journey’, herewith an explanation, own interpretation and personal experience on how cognitive dissonance can sometimes cause incessant confusion, uncertainty and disparity in our minds. Read more >>

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
I have always considered empathy and gratitude as important personal / relationship qualities - its only now that I truly understand the impact and consequences when these emotional values are vaguely selective or completely absent from someone's Emotional Intelligence repertoire. The words 'thank you' became the most important words in my vocabulary over the last year. Read more >>

My Thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
The Mental Health and Motivation journaling has assisted me in many ways for coming to terms with the two significant personal losses I have experienced during 2020 / 2021 - my girlfriend at the time and my friend, Joseph. The second loss of Joseph was the most poignant. The writing and publication on this public domain also provided definite content, context...  Read more >>

Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss

Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of my grief I find myself thinking less and less of this specific grief (and person). The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief and loss made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focussing on the daily awareness of here and now... Read more >>

Restoring a Sense of Calm after an Abusive Relationship
It took me 18 months to fully comprehend and finally accept that this period in my life was a steep and important learning curve in gaining a better understanding of the destructive behaviour against me. One of the biggest achievements was the much needed insight into my own emotional vulnerability in dealing with (any) abusive behaviour against me and how it should be handled in future. Read more >>

From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
I have had an interest in the theory and application of mental health, psychology and motivation as a human resources and management science student (and lecturer later) in subjects such as organisational psychology, sociology and human resources / business management. Little did I know that years later I would have my own private domain for publicly sharing my life experiences and resources with so many others. Read more >>

My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took more than a year of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating the inner peace to complete the recovery puzzle. Read more >>

Emotional Self-Healing Progress: Question and Answer
There were many different answers; the metacognitive self-awareness of the healing journey, acknowledgement of behaviour change(s), personal growth and acceptance were most often cited as some of the common denominators in someone's own healing progress identification and tracking, but there is only one person that will be able answer this question (from above context) and it is the person who asked the question... Read more >>

Concluding Remarks after my Abuse Recovery
I am humbled by the efforts of thousands of wonderful and caring people associated with the broad international mental health support community for their continuous (and in many cases priceless) contributions, research (and / or interventions) for assisting anyone diagnosed (or who is struggling) with any kind of mental discomfort. Read more >>

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Domestic Violence and Trauma)

"Vernon Chalmers has shared his personal journey of recovering from relationship abuse on his website, “Mental Health and Motivation.” His articles cover various aspects of abuse recovery, including recognizing abuse symptoms, dealing with domestic violence and trauma, and the process of healing and rebuilding after an abusive relationship 1.

One of his key messages is the importance of acknowledging and sharing one’s experiences to help others feel less alone. He emphasizes the power of therapeutic journaling and writing as tools for overcoming trauma and finding a path to recovery 1." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

Abuse and Domestic Violence: 'Result from Playing Chess'

Abuse Recovery - According to ChatGPT

Abuse and Domestic Violence Articles

Abuse and Domestic Violence Books

Mental Health Quotes by Vernon Chalmers

About and Disclaimer

Mental Health and Perfectionism

Perfectionism: Awareness, Research and Resources

“Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.” ― Pete Walker

- Perfectionism and Mental Health Research

- Symptoms of Perfectionism

Mental Health and Perfectionism

"Mental health and perfectionism can be closely intertwined, as perfectionism can contribute to the development or exacerbation of various mental health issues. Perfectionism refers to the tendency to set extremely high standards for oneself and to strive for flawlessness in all areas of life. While it is normal to have certain standards and goals, perfectionism takes it to an extreme level, leading to unrealistic expectations and a constant fear of failure.

Here are a few ways in which perfectionism can impact mental health:

1. Anxiety and stress: Perfectionists often experience high levels of anxiety and stress due to the constant pressure they put on themselves to meet impossibly high standards. They may worry excessively about making mistakes, being judged by others, or not being able to live up to their own expectations.

2. Depression: The relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and disappointment when those impossibly high standards are not met. Over time, this can contribute to the development of depression and a negative self-image.

3. Self-esteem issues: Perfectionists tend to tie their self-worth to their achievements and external validation. When they don't meet their own lofty expectations, they may experience a significant blow to their self-esteem. This constant cycle of striving for perfection and feeling inadequate can be detrimental to overall mental well-being.

4. Procrastination and avoidance: Paradoxically, perfectionism can sometimes lead to procrastination and avoidance. The fear of not meeting high standards can be so overwhelming that individuals may avoid starting or completing tasks altogether. This avoidance can further perpetuate feelings of guilt, stress, and self-criticism.

5. Relationship difficulties: Perfectionism can impact relationships as well. Perfectionists may have unrealistic expectations of others, leading to frustration and disappointment when those expectations are not met. This can strain relationships and contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

It's important to note that not all perfectionism is detrimental to mental health. There is a concept called "adaptive perfectionism," which involves having high standards while maintaining a healthy balance and realistic expectations. However, when perfectionism becomes excessive and interferes with daily functioning and well-being, it can be problematic.

If you or someone you know is struggling with perfectionism and its impact on mental health, it can be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional. Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective in addressing perfectionism and its related challenges by promoting self-acceptance, realistic goal-setting, and healthier coping strategies." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)

A Systematic Review on the Psychological Effects of Perfectionism and Accompanying Treatment Scientific Research

Academic Perfectionism, Psychological Well-Being, and Suicidal Ideation in College Students NIH

Am I A Perfectionist? 5 Traits and Signs Cleveland Clinic

Get To The Root Cause Of Your Perfectionism Article

How to Manage Your Perfectionism HBR

How to Let Go of Perfectionism Psych Central

How Perfectionism Affects Your (Mental) Health Article

How Perfectionism Is Linked to Anxiety and Mental Health UPMC Health Beat

Little-Known Signs of Perfectionism Psychology Today

Lowering your Standards can improve your Mental Health Washington Post

Perfectionism: Symptoms, Treatment, and Prevention Article

Perfectionism and Anxiety: The Problem With Trying to Be Perfect health

Perfectionism and Mental Health Problems: Limitations and Directions for Future Research NIH

Perfectionists tend to have Mental Health Problems... Daily Sabah

Poor Mental Health and Perfectionism Article

Signs You May Be a Perfectionist Article

Signs You’re Too Much of a Perfectionist Article

The Dangerous Downsides of perfectionism BBC

The Many Faces of Perfectionism American Psychological Association

Unexpected Reasons Why Perfectionism Is Bad for Your Mental Health Mindful Health Solutions

What Causes Perfectionism? Psych Central

Perfectionism and Mental Health Book Mentions:

When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism

Martin Antony PH.D. / Richard Swinson M.D. FRCPC FRCP

The Perils of Perfectionism - Video

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🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

Narcissistic Injury and Rage

 Narcissistic Injury and Rage: Awareness, Research and Resources

“The truth is a narcissist's greatest fear.” ― Tracy A Malone

“In the narcissist's world being accepted or cared for (not to mention loved) is a foreign language. It is meaningless or even repellent. One might recite the most delicate haiku in Japanese and it would still remain utterly meaningless to a non-speaker of Japanese. This does not diminish the value of the haiku or of the Japanese language, needless to say. But it means nothing to the non-speaker.

Narcissists damage and hurt but they do so offhandedly and naturally, as an afterthought…

They are aware of what they are doing to others - but they do not care.” ― Sam Vaknin

Narcissistic Injury and Rage Research

What Causes Narcissistic Injury and Rage?

Narcissistic Injury and Rage"
"Narcissistic injury and rage are psychological concepts that are often associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). When individuals with NPD experience a perceived threat to their self-esteem or self-worth, they may react with intense emotional distress and anger. Here's a breakdown of these concepts:

• Narcissistic Injury: Narcissistic injury refers to the emotional response experienced by individuals with NPD when their self-esteem is threatened or when they receive criticism, rejection, or perceived humiliation. It can be triggered by various situations, such as being ignored, invalidated, or not receiving the admiration or attention they feel entitled to. Narcissistic individuals have a fragile self-esteem, so any perceived attack on their grandiose self-image can result in emotional distress.
  
  
• Narcissistic Rage: Narcissistic rage is an intense and often explosive emotional response that follows narcissistic injury. When individuals with NPD feel wounded, their rage serves as a defence mechanism to protect their fragile self-esteem. This rage can manifest in different ways, ranging from verbal attacks, physical aggression, or even passive-aggressive behaviors. It is important to note that not all individuals with NPD exhibit rage, but it is a common response when their narcissistic defences are threatened.

Any perceived attack on their self-perception can lead to a strong emotional reaction. Here are some key points regarding narcissistic injury:

1. Sensitivity to Criticism: Individuals with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder are highly sensitive to criticism. They may react strongly to even mild or constructive feedback, perceiving it as a personal attack on their self-worth. Criticism can trigger feelings of shame, inadequacy, and vulnerability, leading to a defensive response.

2. Self-Protective Responses: When faced with a narcissistic injury, individuals may respond defensively to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may engage in various defense mechanisms, such as denial, deflection, blame-shifting, or devaluation of the person providing the criticism. The goal is to maintain their grandiose self-image and avoid confronting their own vulnerabilities or shortcomings.

3. Rage and Aggression: Narcissistic injury can provoke intense anger and aggression in individuals with narcissistic traits. They may lash out verbally, engage in personal attacks, or seek revenge as a means to regain their sense of power and superiority. This aggressive response serves to re-establish their perceived dominance and diminish the perceived threat to their ego.

4. Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: In relationships, individuals with narcissistic traits may idealize others initially, placing them on a pedestal. However, when the other person or situation challenges their grandiose self-image or triggers a narcissistic injury, they may quickly shift to devaluation. They may criticize, demean, or devalue the person they once idealized as a defense mechanism to protect their ego.

5. Fragile Self-Esteem: Narcissistic individuals rely heavily on external validation to maintain their self-esteem. Their self-worth is tied to others' admiration, attention, and praise. Therefore, any perceived rejection, criticism, or failure can be deeply threatening and cause significant distress.

6. Difficulty with Introspection: Individuals with narcissistic traits often struggle with self-reflection and introspection. They may have limited insight into their own emotions, behaviors, and the impact they have on others. This lack of self-awareness can make it challenging for them to process and heal from narcissistic injuries.

Understanding narcissistic injury is crucial in navigating relationships with individuals with narcissistic traits. It is important to establish boundaries, practice assertiveness, and prioritize self-care when dealing with their defensive responses and potential emotional volatility. Therapy, particularly approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic therapy, can provide support in addressing underlying issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms for both individuals with narcissistic traits and their interpersonal relationships." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)

An Appraisal of Narcissistic Rage Through Path Modeling NIH

Causes Of Narcissistic Rage Betterhelp

Eight Signs of Narcissistic Rage Psychology Today

Examples of a Narcissistic Injury Unfilteredd

How Narcissistic Injury May Contribute to Reactive Violence: A Case Example Using Stanley Kubrick's The Shining International Journal of Applied Psychoanalytic Studies

How a Person with Narcissism Responds to a Perceived Offense Good Therapy

Narcissism and Anger: How to Protect Yourself From the Angry Narcissist Camino Recovery

Narcissistic Injury: What It Means And Why It Happens? Simply Psychology

Narcissistic Injury and Its Relationship to Early Trauma, Early Resources, and Adjustment to College ResearchGate

Narcissistic Injury: Definition, Signs, and Examples Good Therapy

Narcissistic Rage: The Achilles’ heel of the patient with chronic physical illness NIH

Narcissistic Rage: Triggers, Causes and How to Respond Choosing Therapy

Narcissistic Rage and Injury: What is Narcissistic Behavior? Study

Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury Scholarly Community Encyclopaedia

Navigating the Narcissistic Injury Response: Understanding and Coping with Narcissistic Behaviors Medium

Treating the Narcissistic Injury of a Narcissist Psychotherapy

Thoughts on Narcissism and Narcissistic Rage PDF Download Heinz Kohut

Understanding Narcissistic Injury Psychology Today

Unhealthy Narcissism and Anger Psychology Today

Understanding Narcissistic Rage and Why It’s Not Your Fault The Narcissistic Family Files

Voicing the Victims of Narcissistic Partners: A Qualitative Analysis of Responses to Narcissistic Injury and Self-Esteem Regulation Sage

What Is Narcissistic Injury? Simply Psychology

What Causes Narcissistic Injury and Rage? (5 Examples) - Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Exposure, Understanding and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

“Empaths have to be careful not to internalize others’ feelings, as this can cause them to feel anxious, sad, or even depressed. It can leave the empath feeling drained or exhausted. They must learn to set boundaries so as not to let toxic people drain them dry.” ― Donna G. Bourgeois

Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery : Acceptance and Healing

Vernon Chalmers Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Narrative

"My story of being unceremoniously exposed to (relationship) abuse is profoundly documented here on the Mental Health and Motivation website. I am of firm belief that I was subjected to an intense barrage of both narcissistic and antisocial abuse over a relatively short period of time." ― Vernon Chalmers

Being emotionally, physically and verbally abused by my ex girlfriend has left me with many questions about the gratuitous motivation of someone displaying so many narcissistic and / or antisocial behavioural traits.

In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my own empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took almost two years of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating an inner peace (frame of reference) for completing the recovery puzzle.

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship 

With no set objective in recovery time I started journaling some of the most unpleasant experiences and recurring memories in what I call my Portfolio of Choice: knowledge, time, trust, writing and the reading of my own state of mind (as a conscientious choice) made me less vulnerable in not only my understanding of abusive behaviour, its origin and possible longer-term consequences on my emotional well-being, but also my own subsequent codependent behaviour dynamics. Therapeutic Journaling 

With a more informed understanding of narcissistic and antisocial abuse I have accepted the fact that the trauma could linger for a bit longer (as an undercurrent of thought). Its only until recently that I have started referring to my abuse as 'narcissistic' abuse. Naively so, but this was primarily due to my own intermittent cognitive dissonance still shielding my perpetrator from her emotional dysregulation and oblivious narcissistic pathology rather than acknowledging the unfolding of a fatally flawed persona.

Gaining a deeper understanding of cognitive dissonance assisted me in acquiring valuable insight, conditioning and application of cognitive defusion. Through healthy cognitive (self) reasoning and associated evaluation / action processes I have learned to untangle the perpetual thoughts of someone else's narcissistic and antisocial persona. 

Nevertheless, I have shamelessly embraced my extended recovery narrative as therapeutic guidance for providing me with the necessary acceptance and healing for coming to terms with an abusive relationship.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Narcissistic Abuse)

Narcissistic Abuse

"Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with NPD often exhibit behaviors such as a need for admiration, lack of empathy, and a sense of entitlement 1 2. Here are some common signs and effects of narcissistic abuse:

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse 

• Gaslighting: Making you doubt your perceptions and reality.
• Manipulation: Using indirect tactics to control your behavior.
• Emotional Blackmail: Using threats, anger, or guilt to manipulate you.
• Isolation: Cutting you off from friends and family.
• Constant Criticism: Undermining your self-esteem through persistent negative comments 2 3.

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

• Emotional Distress: Anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
• Confusion and Self-Doubt: Difficulty trusting your own judgment.
• Isolation: Feeling cut off from support networks.
• Physical Symptoms: Stress-related health issues 1 4.

If you or someone you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s important to seek help. Building a support system and learning how to protect yourself are crucial steps in recovery 2." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

What is an Empath? 

Relationship Abuse Recovery Article Index

20 Relationship Red Flags I Unfortunately Ignored for Months

Red Flag Antisocial Behavior Awareness and Manifestations

Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Developing Close Relationship 

Never Ignore Relationship Red Flags in a New Relationship

"The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart."— April Mae Monterrosa

“You will never know how damaged a person is until you try to love them.” — Anonymous

Relationship Red Flag Behavior Warning Signs

Relationship Red Flag Behavior could be Permanent Behavior

20 Red Flag Behavior / Relationship Conclusions 

For months I was witness to / and on the receiving end of the most abusive and antisocial relationship behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unprovoked abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis.

I observed many of her communication and behaviour patterns as potential red flags early on in the relationship (even before our lockdown), but foolishly ignored most of them. It was only when her threatening behaviour escalated into physical assault, violane and perpetual verbal abuse that I realised the seriousness of the situation. It wasn't an easy decision, but after this realisation (and the fact that her behaviour against me could deteriorate further) I took the necessary action to withdraw from the toxic relationship.

From red flag incidents to serious antisocial behaviour manifestations 

I will briefly describe twenty of the most profound red flag incidents that occurred during the course of the relationship. This will be followed by associating the incidents with specific irrational behavioural manifestations / characteristics - as perceived and identified by me during an approximately nine-month period.

Red Flag behaviour / incidents that had the biggest impact on me (and the relationship):

• She was rarely ever on time when she visited my apartment. To be more than an hour late sometimes is no exaggeration. I phoned her once after she did not arrive for more than three hours - she merely told me she forgot (and this was while she was in my area on business prior to our confirmed appointment).
  
  
• I lived like a guest in her apartment. In the three to four months I lived with her she never made me feel at home and / or offered me any shelf space for my clothing. I changed clothes out of my bags in the lounge (mornings and nights). She never discussed this with me other than to tell me there is no space for my stuff.
  
  
• She never offered to wash my clothing during the entire lockdown period, but she would do hers once a week. During a four month period I asked her twice - which she then did. The rest of the time I made alternative arrangements. 
  
  
• I was never thanked for anything I did or purchased. She showed no gratitude whatsoever. Not for food, flowers, gifts, weekends away etc. - I was never thanked for any of my efforts and / or any payments for whatever she / we needed.
   
• From very early on in the relationship I was asked when are we getting married. I was flattered the first time she asked, but felt uneasy with frequent reminders (as I was learning the rest of her red flag behaviour). 
  
  
• A few months into the relationship (as I was about to discuss my concerns about her behaviour) I was told the food that I purchased / cooked for us made her fat. This after she selected most of the shopping herself. For this I chased her out of my apartment - of which I immediately aplogised the next day. She never apologised for her inconsiderate comment or behaviour ever.
  
  
• She told me in the beginning of the relationship of a previous boyfriend taking over in her kitchen. Well, after a few months, she bestowed exactly the same fate upon me. This after I tiptoed 'on egg shells' in her kitchen (and never really taken any initiative unless we were cooking together).
  
  
• My text messages to her were regularly misinterpreted and / or treated with cold disdain. It was almost if any written communication / text messages were perceived as negative communication (or she had little interest reading them in full). Many of my messages were left unanswered.
  
  
• I was never trusted with assisting her. She would ask for my assistance with many (financial) projects, but when it came time to assist her she would postpone /or just forget about it. She was very quick to accept any monetary assistance (which I offered through a CFD trading portfolio I created for her). I was never thanked for any profit generated or for the subsequent transfers into her bank account.
  
  
• She told me one morning she felt like a second-class citizen living in her own apartment with me there. A the time I did not say anything, but I was rather disappointed and taken aback by her comment. 
  
  
• I was accused early into the relationship that I do not see / responded to her crying (one evening). The more I apologised (over many weeks) that I did not see or heard it, the more she was of opinion that I was lying. 
  
  
• I was threatened with her chef's knife (with the words - 'I will kill you') after she lost a few games of chess against me one evening. The verbal abuse that followed scared me more. I was shocked to the core - this was the first incident of a serious threat and verbal abuse, but unfortunatly not the last.
  
  
• I was physically assaulted one evening for switching off the television (without her even watching). I was punched, kicked and my shirt ripped from my body. A large chocolate Easter bunny was bashed over my head while I was grabbing my bags to go home. Even then I was still determined to make the relationship work. How naïve of me... 
  
  
• She was verbally abusive on many occasions. Mostly over the telephone and it escalated to weekly episodes towards the end of the relationship. It was so bad at times that I had to switch my phone off.
  
  
• She never apologized for anything. She even sent me a follow-up message to remind me that I deserved to be assaulted by her - referring to the physical assault and Easter bunny incident. No remorse or compassion were ever shown towards me.  
  
  
• I have never met a more obtuse racist in my life. Needless to say that I have never witnessed  bigotry of this nature from anyone in any personal, social or business relationship before. I was concerned with her blatant racist name calling and belittling (of anyone from a different race) from very early in the relationship.
  
  
• Her frequent (and vulgar) swearing made me cringe at times. She would swear at her mother (over the phone) when she did not get her way. It did not take her very long to engage with me in exactly the same tone of verbal abuse (and swearing) as she did towards her mother.
  
  
• Asked me to hide (or leave) for three hours when a male friend was about to visit her one weekend. I was very upset about this. Apart from her mother and brothers (and one friend) she did not introduce me to anybody else in her life - not even to one of her employees when we visited her clothing boutique one afternoon. 
  
  
• On occasion I did nor respond to her threatening text messages and she phoned my sister to inform her in no uncertain terms that she wants to kill me. My sister put the phone down after getting verbally abused by her, but phoned her back a while later to engage in a normal discussion.
  
  
• Bad-mouthing of a previous boyfriend over and over again. In the beginning of the relationship I believed her, now I know he must have gone through the same patterns / red flags as me. Today I am probably as bad a statistic as him (and possibly others) when measured against her more than likely psychopathological mindset.

Classic Antisocial Behaviour Characteristics identified from my Red Flag list:

• Aggressive Disposition / Antagonism / Anger  
• Callousness / Controlling Nature / Disrespectful
• Emotionally Unavailable / Excessive Swearing
• False Sense of Entitlement / Grandiose Delusions
• Inconsiderate Behavior / Lack of Trust / Poor Confidence
• Lack of Hospitality / Unequal Effort / Emotional Projection
• No Empathy / No Compassion / No Gratitude 
• No Remorse / Physical Assault / Poor Communication
• Poor Decision-Making / Poor Financial Planning
  
• Chronic Lateness / Racism / Rage
• Negative Score Keeping  / Self-Centered
• Selfishness / Verbal Abusive / Domestic Violence
• Self-Absorbed / False Sense of Self (Environment)

My 'Antisocial List' would have made Dr. Robert Hare proud. Unfortunately I was not describing the behaviour categories of a 'random patient' on the 'Hare Psychopathy Checklist' - but, the person closest in my life.

Despite the waving red flags...

There were many other intermittent (and possible ASPD cues), but less obvious red flag incidents. The (silent) warnings signs were omnipresent, like tiny flashing needles, slowly weaving disturbing patterns into an unhealthy codependent relationship tapestry - from the first day I met her until literally the cathartic final week. I still wonder many times why I did not leave earlier. There were many days when I knew I had enough, but still decided to stay. I really believed, against my own better judgement, that we could have worked things out. I wanted this particular relationship to be normal for both of us - with mutual love, trust and respect. Unfortunately, I knew from early on that she would not or could not be that special person to spend the rest of my life with.

Distorted sense of self

She did not see anything wrong from her side of the relationship. She kept on lecturing me / reminding me ever so often about all the so-called things I did wrong - to the extend that I asked her if she kept an Excel spreadsheet for scoring / updating my (bad) behaviour and judgements. An important note here is that her lecturing always occurred when I wanted to discuss the state of the relationship. Towards the end she gave me one opportunity for discussing the relationship without interrupting me - and that was the unfortunate moment I realised that 'the lights were on, but no-one's home'.

Antisocial behaviour concern
One of my major concerns was her relentless lack of empathy, gratitude, guilt and remorse during the relationship. The growing awareness of these chronic rudimental behaviour deficiencies manifested to such an extend inside me that I started questioning my own sanity to ever 'live up to her standards and / or perfectionism'. It was only settled within me after I took a step back and rationally assessed her overall behavioral disposition on my own / and with the guidance of one of my professional mental health / life coach friends. My friend's honesty stung at first, but it was exactly the objective re-assurance I needed to hear that I am involved in a (codependent) relationship with someone displaying frequent narcissistic and antisocial behaviour tendencies.

'Justification' for abusive behaviour

Towards the end of the relationship I received a text message to let me know that I deserved to be attacked by her - referring to the insident where she hit me over the head. Probably her own callous 'justification' that she did the right thing. I did not respond. A while later I received a second message inviting me to have lunch with her the following day. I responded more than 24 hours later to let her know that due to her first message lunch would never have been an option. This was perhaps the final straw that broke the camel's back. It was the first time that I enforced a boundary for not accepting an invitation and / or meeting with her. 

Reflecting on the troublesome relationship

In hindsight it is easy to say I could have handled the relationship / her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour towards me differently. I wish I could, but at the time things were moving so quickly and for what it's worth I had some of the best times of my life as well with her. Reflecting on the relationship red flags / other disparities I have identified my own interpersonal relationship challenges with regard to my cognitive dissonance and my relationship codependency shortcomings. Working towards a healthier interpersonal and relationship boundary framework is one of my first behavioral goals for creating a more confident approach towards other / future relationships.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (20 Relationship Red Flags)

"Vernon Chalmers has written extensively about relationship red flags on his “Mental Health and Motivation” website. He shares his personal experiences and insights to help others recognize and address these warning signs early on.

In his article titled “20 Relationship Red Flags I Unfortunately Ignored for Months,” he outlines several key red flags, including:

• Lack of Gratitude: He noticed that his partner rarely thanked him for anything he did or purchased, which was a significant red flag.

• Inconsistent Behavior: His partner was often late for appointments and sometimes forgot about them entirely.

• Lack of Consideration: During the time he lived with his partner, she never made him feel at home or offered him space for his belongings.

• Unprovoked Abusive Behavior: He experienced regular unprovoked abusive behavior, which escalated to physical assault and perpetual verbal abuse 1.

Chalmers emphasizes the importance of not ignoring these red flags, as they can indicate deeper issues in the relationship. Recognizing and addressing these signs early can help prevent further emotional and physical harm." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

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Playing Chess and Anger

Relationship Red Flag Resources

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship

Mental Health and Motivation Research

Contemporary Mental Health and Motivation Research

I’m currently involved in the research of evaluating ‘sustainable contemporary International Mental Health Research Success’ contributions with regard to the perceptions and contributions of various mental health stakeholders’ views on the psychiatric and psychological application(s) / impact on decision-making in terms of contributions to i.e. specific personality disorder diagnosis, pharmaceutical practices / prescriptions and psychological (behavioral) practices.

More than a ‘needle in a haystack’ approach I suppose, but it will be challenging (and informative) to determine how psychiatric and / or psychopathology decisions are made (and accepted / accredited) in terms of current academic research criteria, prescription medication and remedial practice care for mental health patients.

Note: Above is for pre-diagnosed Mental Health conditions as defined / classified by i.e. the current APA DSM-5(TR)-criteria for mental health and brain-related conditions and disorders.

This is indeed one of the most significant research projects I’ve been involved in for many years, my personal research aim and objective (for the Mental Health and Motivation website) is to be able to identify how this ‘important Mental Health challenge’ is currently researched, facilitated and managed by the world’s most advanced mental healthcare research universities, primary mental healthcare institutions, associated (private / public) practices and pharmaceutical industry stakeholders (in the case of psychiatric / medical prescriptions) for various mental health conditions.

Since August 2021 the website has evolved into an international resource sharing platform for assisting academia, mental health service providers and interested individuals across the world - currently assisting visitors from more than 124 Countries / 50 US States - with various (academic / personal / family / community / military / sport / employment-related) Mental Health and Motivation resources.

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Top 100 Search Impressions for the Past 3 Months : March - May 2024

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What is a Search Impression?
A search impression occurs when a user's query triggers a result on a search engine results page (SERP). Essentially, it's when a webpage, advertisement, or other content is displayed as a result of someone's search. However, it's important to note that an impression doesn't necessarily mean the user interacted with the result; it simply means the result appeared on their screen. This metric is often used in digital marketing and SEO to gauge the visibility and reach of content. (Source: ChatGPT)

Global Top 100 Mental Health Search Impressions (Imp.) from 120 Countries (Past 3 Months)

	Top queries	Imp
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