Healing After An Abusive(Narcissistic) Relationship
“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” — James Allen
Acceptance for Calmness and Peace of Mind
It took me 18 months to fully comprehend and finally accept that this period in my life was a steep and important learning curve in gaining a better understanding of the destructive behaviour against me. One of the biggest achievements was the much needed insight into my own emotional vulnerability in dealing with (any) abusive behaviour against me and how it should be handled in future.
Learning more about the broad spectrum of inappropriate and antisocial behaviour that I was subjected to was necessary for my own emotional introspection and mental wellness recovery. During this time I also analysed my own actions, reactions and codependent behaviour of being in a dysfunctional relationship with someone committing abusive behaviour against my goodwill and emphatic values.
© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Abusive Relationship Recovery)
Additional Information: Restoring a Sense of Calm
Learning more about the broad spectrum of inappropriate and antisocial behaviour that I was subjected to was necessary for my own emotional introspection and mental wellness recovery. During this time I also analysed my own actions, reactions and codependent behaviour of being in a dysfunctional relationship with someone committing abusive behaviour against my goodwill and emphatic values.
Coming to terms with abusive behaviour
I have regained a sense of calm and a comprehensive understanding of the 'cause and effect' of the abusive behavior towards me. The online journaling here on the Mental Health and Motivation website generated an in-depth internalisation and objective rationalisation of the traumatic and disappointing events during and after the relationship. I also used this period to reflect on my own codependency and cognitive dissonance challenges before I was finally ready to let go.
Moving forward after working through this dramatic period is one of the most gratifying feelings I have had in a long time. I believe the fulcrum of my expectations of sense of self and others are being restored to provide a more balanced lifestyle on my own and / or in the company of others.
The physical exposure (and the extensive research) of abuse, domestic violence and associated trauma that I was subjected to is also a poignant reminder of how many people across the world are suffering the same fate. Sharing my experiences and the resources that guided me along the way provides me with a sense of purpose and motivation to be of assistance to anyone else finding themselves tangled in this haunting web of abuse, domestic violence and post-relationship breakup trauma challenges.
Portfolio of Choice
I have named the knowledge that I have gained, my available time and the opportunity to journal about the relationship experiences my Portfolio of Choice. My daily writing (and the development of this website) became my therapeutic journaling. I'm grateful for the opportunity and time to write and share my personal experiences.
© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Abusive Relationship Recovery)
"Restoring a sense of calm can be beneficial for your overall well-being and help you navigate challenging situations with greater clarity and resilience. Here are some strategies to help you cultivate calmness:
1. Deep breathing and relaxation techniques: Practice deep breathing exercises, such as diaphragmatic breathing or alternate nostril breathing, to activate the body's relaxation response. Engaging in relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery can also help reduce stress and promote calmness.
2. Mindfulness and meditation: Cultivate present-moment awareness through mindfulness and meditation practices. This involves focusing your attention on the present, observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and allowing them to pass by. Regular meditation can promote a sense of calm and increase your ability to respond to stressors in a more centered way.
3. Engage in physical activity: Exercise is a powerful tool for reducing stress and promoting a calm state of mind. Engaging in activities like walking, jogging, yoga, or any form of physical exercise that you enjoy can release endorphins, which help boost mood and reduce anxiety.
4. Connect with nature: Spending time outdoors and connecting with nature has been shown to have a calming effect on the mind and body. Take a walk in a park, garden, or natural setting, and allow yourself to immerse in the sights, sounds, and sensations of nature.
5. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and relaxation. This can include taking a warm bath, listening to calming music, reading a book, enjoying a hobby, or spending quality time with loved ones. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and help you unwind.
6. Simplify your environment: Decluttering your physical space can have a positive impact on your mental state. Organize your surroundings, create a peaceful and uncluttered environment, and establish a designated space for relaxation and calmness.
7. Limit exposure to stressors: Identify sources of stress in your life and take steps to minimize exposure to them, when possible. This may involve setting boundaries, saying no to additional commitments, or reducing exposure to negative influences, such as news or social media.
8. Prioritize sleep: Ensure you get enough sleep and establish a consistent sleep routine. Quality sleep plays a crucial role in promoting a sense of calm and overall well-being. Create a soothing bedtime routine, optimize your sleep environment, and practice relaxation techniques before sleep.
9. Seek support: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist when you need support. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone who can provide a listening ear and understanding can help alleviate stress and restore calmness.
Remember that cultivating a sense of calm is a practice that requires patience and consistency. Incorporate these strategies into your daily routine, and over time, you can develop a greater ability to find calmness amidst the challenges of life." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)
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