28 May 2022

Relationship Abuse Recovery Article Index

Abuse Symptoms, Domestic Violence and Trauma

Vernon Chalmers Abusive Relationship Article Index : : Mental Health and Motivation

You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”― Jeanne McElvaney

Walking away from someone you love is not an immoral thing. If that person isn’t good for your wellbeing in any way, it’s important to step away from that relationship.”― Arien Smith

Personal Mental Health Journal. Road to Recovery...

Abuse Recovery Articles : Vernon Chalmers Recovery Narrative
  • In the Absence of Gratitude...
  • Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
  • Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
  • 20 Relationship Red Flags I unfortunately Ignored for Months
  • The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
  • Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
  • Thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
  • Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss
  • Restoring a Sense of Calm (after an Abusive Relationship)
  • From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
  • My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

The listed Article Index is part of my Portfolio of Choice therapeutic journaling experience that I created for assisting me in overcoming the abuse, domestic violence and associated trauma I was subjected to during and after an abusive relationship that ended in August 2020. The last article 'My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse' is the final article in completing my 'recovery narrative'. 

My Portfolio of Choice article collection is testimony to the (healing) power of knowledge, time and writing as therapeutic guidance to overcome, accept and heal from one of the biggest disappointments of my life.

In the Absence of Gratitude...
During the infatuation stage of the relationship it never occurred to me that I was never thanked for anything. It was only while living with her full time (in a routine environment) that this behaviour of ingratitude was now overtly manifesting itself. Over the short term this behaviour from her was repeated ever so often and I felt the need to address this delicate issue. Read more >>

Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
When the first verbal and physical threats occurred about four months into the relationship I was overwhelmed with my ex-girlfriend's threatening and aggressive behaviour towards me. I was oblivious to the fact that she was capable of this aggressive behaviour (although at that stage I was well aware of her at-times callous and self-centered nature). Read more >>

Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
Through reading, sheer determination and my support system (of family and friends) the benefit of time slowly turned the infinite upside-down puzzle pieces around in my mind. Its only lately that I'm able see a more integrated and complete picture - a clear vision of what life should be without the toxicity of abuse and domestic violence. Read more >>

20 Relationship Red Flags I Unfortunately Ignored for Months
For months I was witness to / and on the receiving end of some of the most abusive and antisocial human behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unacceptable and abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis. Read more >>

The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
During the past year I referred to Cognitive Dissonance in several of my articles and Facebook comments. Now, in the final stretch and conclusion of my own ‘healing journey’, herewith an explanation, own interpretation and personal experience on how cognitive dissonance can sometimes cause incessant confusion, uncertainty and disparity in our minds. Read more >>

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
I have always considered empathy and gratitude as important personal / relationship qualities - its only now that I truly understand the impact and consequences when these emotional values are vaguely selective or completely absent from someone's Emotional Intelligence repertoire. The words 'thank you' became the most important words in my vocabulary over the last year. Read more >>

My thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
The Mental Health and Motivation journaling has assisted me in many ways for coming to terms with the two significant personal losses I have experienced during 2020 / 2021 - my girlfriend at the time and my friend, Joseph. The second loss of Joseph was the most poignant. The writing and publication on this public domain also provided definite content, context...  Read more >>

Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss
Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of my grief I find myself thinking less and less of this specific grief (and person). The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief and loss made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focussing on the daily awareness of here and now... Read more >>

Restoring a Sense of Calm (after an Abusive Relationship)
It took me 18 months to fully comprehend and finally accept that this period in my life was a steep and important learning curve in gaining a better understanding of the destructive behaviour against me. One of the biggest achievements was the much needed insight into my own emotional vulnerability in dealing with (any) abusive behaviour against me and how it should be handled in future. Read more >>

From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
I have had an interest in the theory and application of mental health, psychology and motivation as a human resources and management science student (and lecturer later) in subjects such as organisational psychology, sociology and human resources / business management. Little did I know that years later I would have my own private domain for publicly sharing my life experiences and resources with so many others. Read more >>

My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took more than a year of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating the inner peace to complete the recovery puzzle. Read more >>

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Domestic Violence and Trauma)


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