28 May 2023

My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Exposure, Understanding and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Empaths have to be careful not to internalize others’ feelings, as this can cause them to feel anxious, sad, or even depressed. It can leave the empath feeling drained or exhausted. They must learn to set boundaries so as not to let toxic people drain them dry.” ― Donna G. Bourgeois

Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery : Acceptance and Healing

Vernon Chalmers Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Narrative

"My story of being unceremoniously exposed to (relationship) abuse is profoundly documented here on the Mental Health and Motivation website. I am of firm belief that I was subjected to an intense barrage of both narcissistic and antisocial abuse over a relatively short period of time." ― Vernon Chalmers

Being emotionally, physically and verbally abused by my ex girlfriend has left me with many questions about the gratuitous motivation of someone displaying so many narcissistic and / or antisocial behavioural traits.

In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my own empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took almost two years of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating an inner peace (frame of reference) for completing the recovery puzzle.

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship 

With no set objective in recovery time I started journaling some of the most unpleasant experiences and recurring memories in what I call my Portfolio of Choice: knowledge, time, trust, writing and the reading of my own state of mind (as a conscientious choice) made me less vulnerable in not only my understanding of abusive behaviour, its origin and possible longer-term consequences on my emotional well-being, but also my own subsequent codependent behaviour dynamics. Therapeutic Journaling 

With a more informed understanding of narcissistic and antisocial abuse I have accepted the fact that the trauma could linger for a bit longer (as an undercurrent of thought). Its only until recently that I have started referring to my abuse as 'narcissistic' abuse. Naively so, but this was primarily due to my own intermittent cognitive dissonance still shielding my perpetrator from her emotional dysregulation and oblivious narcissistic pathology rather than acknowledging the unfolding of a fatally flawed persona.

Gaining a deeper understanding of cognitive dissonance assisted me in acquiring valuable insight, conditioning and application of cognitive defusion. Through healthy cognitive (self) reasoning and associated evaluation / action processes I have learned to untangle the perpetual thoughts of someone else's narcissistic and antisocial persona. 

Nevertheless, I have shamelessly embraced my extended recovery narrative as therapeutic guidance for providing me with the necessary acceptance and healing for coming to terms with an abusive relationship.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (Narcissistic Abuse)

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