01 March 2022

Restoring a Sense of Calm (after an Abusive Relationship)

Restoring a Sense of Calm (after an Abusive Relationship)
The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.”
— James Allen

Acceptance for Calmness and Peace of Mind

It took me 18 months to fully comprehend and finally accept that this period in my life was a steep and important learning curve in gaining a better understanding of the destructive behaviour against me. One of the biggest achievements was the much needed insight into my own emotional vulnerability in dealing with (any) abusive behaviour against me and how it should be handled in future.

Learning more about the broad spectrum of inappropriate and antisocial behaviour that I was subjected to was necessary for my own emotional introspection and mental wellness recovery. During this time I also analysed my own actions, reactions and codependent behaviour of being in a dysfunctional relationship with someone committing abusive behaviour against my goodwill and emphatic values.

Coming to terms with abusive behaviour
I have regained a sense of calm and a comprehensive understanding of the 'cause and effect' of the abusive behavior towards me. The online journaling here on the Mental Health and Motivation website generated an in-depth internalisation and objective rationalisation of the traumatic and disappointing events during and after the relationship. I also used this period to reflect on my own codependency and cognitive dissonance challenges before I was finally ready to let go.

Moving forward after working through this dramatic period is one of the most gratifying feelings I have had in a long time. I believe the fulcrum of my expectations of sense of self and others are being restored to provide a more balanced lifestyle on my own and / or in the company of others.

The physical exposure (and the extensive research) of abuse, domestic violence and associated trauma that I was subjected to is also a poignant reminder of how many people across the world are suffering the same fate. Sharing my experiences and the resources that guided me along the way provides me with a sense of purpose and motivation to be of assistance to anyone else finding themselves tangled in this haunting web of abuse, domestic violence and post-relationship breakup trauma challenges.

Portfolio of Choice
I have named the knowledge that I have gained, my available time and the opportunity to journal about the relationship experiences my Portfolio of Choice. My daily writing (and the development of this website) became my therapeutic journaling. I'm grateful for the opportunity and time to write and share my personal experiences.

© Vernon Chalmers

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