How I started Share Trading on the JSE...

How I started Share Trading on the JSE... Awareness and Journey

"Never stop learning, it is a gift that will always reward you..." - Vernon Chalmers

Herewith an extract of the learning / motivation that started a 20-year personal interest in share and derivatives trading on the Johannesburg Stock Exchange (JSE), South Africa:

“I have been investing in shares and trading derivatives for more than 20 years. In the beginning I invested through the traditional paper-based stockbroker system (up to the early 2000's) and after the introduction of online share trading I started trading via an online JSE-accredited and direct-linked trading platform.

It all started in the beginning of a semester lecturing my first Economics class during the mid-1990's when a student asked me to explain a particular 'financial theory of stock market investment decision-making and risk management' in more practical terms. That same afternoon I phoned a local stockbroker and placed an order for my first share trading transaction. For the rest of the year we analysed and tracked the company's share performance on the JSE.

It was a thorough hands-on learning experience with and through my students. I nostalgically retained the shares for many years as I curated and developed my first share portfolio.“ (Vernon Chalmers)

From Analytical Education to Creative Training’ – as published on my Mental Health and Existential Motivation website.

Image: Copyright-free 'Technical Analysis' display (Pixabay)

Article Source: Mental Health and Motivation From Analytical Education to Creative Training

Financial Fear and Greed Impact on Mental Health

In stock market investment and trading via Technical Analysis (TA) we [also] apply the guidance of the ‘Fear and Greed Index’ to assist in determining the ‘absolute - probable correct time’ to buy or sell a specific company's shares / derivatives. This is a psychological / financial human behaviour indicator in deciding when a share is overbought or oversold (collectively).

Buying an oversold share / or selling an overbought share (in any transaction) could at times be challenging decisions and TA is only guidance (of various previous movements / transactions) to assist the trained and or experienced investor / trader.

Some of these decisions are at times executed too early, too late or not at all - which could lead to unexpected (leveraged) financial loss - especially for the inexperienced investor / trader.
Regular losses can add to high-functioning anxiety (and / or prolonged stress) should the share / derivate maintain its current position (against the original decision taken) - and not change as indicated or 'forecasted' during TA. Especially if it is a frequent occurrence (with various companies) / or when the market keeps on moving in the opposite direction for unexpected periods. Especially for the inexperienced shorter-term derivatives trader.

For minimising this risk we also use Fundamental Analysis (FA) where overall macro market, specific corporate / industry metrics and other strategic financial management indicators of a company are evaluated in support of TA. FA information is freely available from any stock exchange listed company's website under Investment Relations (as prerequisite of a listed public company on any stock exchange i.e. JSE), various required publicly available corporate media releases and public financial analyst media reporting.

Fear leads to Greed / or Greed leads to Fear, hence a major reason or decision why a particular share is bought or sold - collectively wrt the TA at a specific time. The (perpetual) outcome of the collective market decision-making is dynamically replicated in real-time analytics.

This objective / quantitative data is an effective analytical indicator for evaluating the collective psychological sentiment of buyers / sellers (of a particular share / derivatives as it is bought / sold in real-time).

This efficient-market hypothesis (EMH) interpretation is based on the collective action (and share price) - note: there could be other underlying reasons why particular individuals / institutions are buying or selling a specific company's shares / derivatives at that particular time. The overall collective buying / selling statistics could be in the moment, day, week, month(s) or year(s) - depending on the applied investment / trading strategy at the time.

Considering application of EMH theory (with all available corporate / financial information factored in) the dynamic market / price statistics depicts the 'fear and greed' mind-set / sentiment of the median (average) of the market collective (at a particular day / time) who is buying or selling a particular company’s shares.

Proper TA (and FA) due diligence not only reduces the financial risk (in providing more up-to-date information) in investment / trading (derivatives) decision-making, but also offers insight(s) into a holistic approach towards the psychological (personal and or institutional buyers / sellers) financial decisions at a specific time. (Vernon Chalmers for the Mental Health and Motivation website)

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (JSE Investment and Trading)

Vernon Chalmers JSE / Trading Update

"Vernon Chalmers provides a unique synthesis of psychology and financial decision-making, especially within the context of the Johannesburg Stock Exchange (JSE). His background in education, systems thinking, and behavioral observation equips him to view trading not merely as a numbers game, but as a psychological journey. Through his emphasis on emotional regulation, cognitive awareness, and continuous learning, Chalmers exemplifies how psychological mastery can enhance trading performance.

In a market driven by uncertainty, the trader’s most powerful tools may not be found in charts or data feeds, but in their own mind. As Chalmers’ insights suggest, success on the JSE - or any financial exchange - requires not just analytical skill, but a disciplined and emotionally intelligent mindset." (Source: ChatGPT 2025)

More: Fear and Greed in Financial Markets

Read More: Financial Fear and Greed Impact on Mental Health

The Requirements for Existential Art

Existential Art is a Deeply Human Endeavor. It arises from the Confrontation with Meaninglessness

“You are worthy, regardless of the outcome. You will keep making your work, regardless of the outcome. You will keep sharing your work, regardless of the outcome. You were born to create, regardless of the outcome. You will never lose trust in the creative process, even if you don’t understand the outcome.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

Abstract

"Existential art embodies the core principles of existential philosophy by addressing themes of freedom, authenticity, alienation, absurdity, and the human confrontation with mortality. It is not confined by conventional aesthetics or market trends, but rather challenges both the artist and the audience to engage deeply with the subjective experience of existence. This paper outlines the foundational requirements of existential art, drawing from key existential thinkers such as Sartre, Camus, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Heidegger, and de Beauvoir. Through a comprehensive exploration of existential themes, historical context, artistic techniques, and contemporary applications, this paper provides a 5000-word investigation into what constitutes existential art and how artists can authentically embody its principles.

1. Introduction

Existentialism is a philosophical movement that emphasizes individual freedom, choice, and responsibility in a universe devoid of inherent meaning. When applied to artistic creation, existentialism transforms the artwork from a decorative or narrative object into a vehicle for existential reflection and revelation. Existential art reflects the raw, often uncomfortable truths of the human condition. It does not provide clear answers but instead provokes questions—about identity, mortality, purpose, and the nature of being. This essay aims to establish a comprehensive framework of the requirements for existential art, combining philosophical theory with artistic praxis.

2. Philosophical Foundations of Existential Art

2.1 Existence Precedes Essence

Jean-Paul Sartre (1943/2007) famously declared that "existence precedes essence," meaning that humans first exist and then define themselves through actions. For existential art, this implies that art is not about capturing a fixed reality but rather expressing the ongoing process of becoming. The artist must create from a place of freedom and responsibility, without relying on external validation or predefined meanings.

2.2 The Absurd

Albert Camus (1942/1991) introduced the concept of the absurd—the conflict between humans’ desire for order and the chaotic, indifferent universe. Existential art often reflects this tension through ambiguity, fragmentation, and surreal or contradictory elements. Absurdity becomes both a thematic focus and a structural feature of existential art.

2.3 Authenticity and Bad Faith

According to Sartre and de Beauvoir, authenticity involves recognizing one’s freedom and acting in accordance with it. In contrast, "bad faith" refers to self-deception and conformity. Existential art must be authentic in both content and form. It should emerge from the artist’s sincere confrontation with their existence and avoid pandering to societal expectations or artistic trends.

2.4 Being-Toward-Death

Heidegger (1927/1962) emphasized the importance of mortality in shaping authentic existence. His concept of "being-toward-death" refers to the individual’s awareness of their finitude. Existential art often reflects this awareness through symbols of decay, temporality, and the void. Death is not merely a theme but an ever-present horizon that frames human experience.

3. Thematic Requirements

3.1 Mortality and Transience

Existential art frequently explores the impermanence of life. It may depict physical decay, emotional loss, or metaphysical dread. Vanitas paintings from the 17th century, while not strictly existential, align with this theme by emphasizing the fleeting nature of worldly pleasures.

3.2 Alienation and Isolation

Modern existential art captures the estrangement of individuals from society, nature, or themselves. Kafka’s literary works and Edward Hopper’s paintings are emblematic examples. Alienation is not simply emotional detachment—it represents a fundamental disconnect from meaning and belonging.

3.3 Freedom and Responsibility

Existential freedom is not liberating in a simplistic sense—it is a heavy burden. With freedom comes the responsibility to create one’s identity and values. Existential art reflects this by portraying decision, consequence, and moral ambiguity.

3.4 Absurdity and Meaninglessness

Existential art thrives in the absurd. Whether through nonsensical narratives, abstract visuals, or surreal juxtapositions, the work reflects the incoherence of life. Artists like Beckett and Magritte created works that resist traditional logic, pushing audiences to confront the absurd directly.

3.5 Anxiety and Dread

Existential angst is not mere anxiety—it is the deep, ontological unease that arises when one faces the freedom and contingency of their existence. This dread appears in expressionist works, haunting soundscapes, and minimalist performances.

4. Aesthetic and Stylistic Requirements

4.1 Rejection of Traditional Beauty

Existential art does not aim to please. It may be ugly, unsettling, or chaotic. This rejection of aesthetic norms serves to challenge the viewer’s assumptions and foster genuine existential reflection.

4.2 Ambiguity and Open Interpretation

Existential art is intentionally ambiguous. It does not offer easy answers or clear messages. The viewer must engage with the work actively, co-constructing meaning—or accepting its absence.

4.3 Symbolism and Metaphor

While not exclusive to existential art, symbolism plays a key role in expressing abstract existential concerns. Symbols of time, mirrors, doors, labyrinths, and shadows often populate existential artworks.

4.4 Fragmentation and Discontinuity

Many existential works avoid linear structure. Whether in literature, film, or visual art, fragmentation reflects the disjointed nature of existence. This structural choice invites reflection on the incoherence of human experience.

5. Artistic Media and Techniques

5.1 Painting and Drawing

Expressionism and abstraction are often employed to convey emotional depth and inner turmoil. Artists like Egon Schiele, Francis Bacon, and Jean Dubuffet distorted the human form to emphasize existential suffering.

5.2 Photography

Existential photography captures solitude, silence, and time. Photographers like Francesca Woodman and Vernon Chalmers use space, shadow, and minimalism to evoke existential themes.

Modern Existential Photographers >>

5.3 Performance and Installation Art

Performance artists such as Marina Abramović use the body as a medium to explore endurance, vulnerability, and presence. Installations that require viewer interaction or immersion disrupt passive viewing and emphasize existential choice.

5.4 Literature and Cinema

Writers like Sartre, Camus, and Beckett, and filmmakers like Bergman and Tarkovsky, have embedded existential themes in their narratives and cinematography. The use of silence, slow pacing, and unresolved endings are hallmarks of existential cinema.

6. Psychological and Emotional Dimensions

6.1 Vulnerability and Sincerity

Existential art demands that the artist be vulnerable. The work should arise from sincere emotional and intellectual engagement with existence. This sincerity connects with audiences on a profound level.

6.2 Tension and Discomfort

Existential art often induces discomfort. It may challenge ethical assumptions, evoke despair, or confront taboos. This tension is essential—it breaks through complacency and incites reflection.

6.3 Hope and Defiance

Though existentialism is often associated with nihilism, it can also inspire hope. Camus’ concept of "revolt" involves affirming life in the face of absurdity. Existential art can express a quiet defiance, a decision to create and endure despite meaninglessness.

7. Historical and Cultural Contexts

7.1 Post-War Europe

After World War II, existentialism gained prominence as Europe grappled with the horrors of war, genocide, and totalitarianism. Artists used existential themes to express trauma and search for meaning in devastation.

7.2 The 20th-Century Avant-Garde

Movements such as Dada, Surrealism, and Abstract Expressionism challenged rationalism and traditional forms. While not always explicitly existential, these movements created space for existential themes to emerge.

7.3 Contemporary Art

Today, existential art continues in new media. Digital artists, VR creators, and AI-assisted artworks explore issues of identity, reality, and connection in an increasingly fragmented world.

8. Ethical and Ontological Commitments

8.1 Art as Revelation

Heidegger viewed art as a way to disclose truth. Existential art is not just expression—it is revelation. It reveals the tension, ambiguity, and beauty of being.

8.2 Ethical Authenticity

The artist must act ethically by resisting commodification and superficiality. This does not mean ignoring audience reception but refusing to compromise existential integrity for popularity.

9. The Audience's Role

9.1 Co-Creation

The viewer is not passive. Existential art requires interpretation, emotional engagement, and self-reflection. The meaning is co-created through this interaction.

9.2 Confrontation

Audience members may feel disturbed, confused, or even offended. This confrontation is intentional. It mirrors the existential confrontation with the absurd.

10. Conclusion

Existential art is a deeply human endeavor. It arises from the confrontation with meaninglessness, mortality, and freedom. It does not entertain but provokes. It does not comfort but challenges. Through its commitment to authenticity, ambiguity, and emotional depth, existential art remains one of the most honest and necessary forms of human expression." (Source: ChatGPT 2025)

References

Camus, A. (1991). The myth of Sisyphus (J. O'Brien, Trans.). Vintage. (Original work published 1942)

Heidegger, M. (1962). Being and time (J. Macquarrie & E. Robinson, Trans.). Harper & Row. (Original work published 1927)

Kierkegaard, S. (1980). The concept of anxiety (R. Thomte, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1844)

Nietzsche, F. (1967). The birth of tragedy (W. Kaufmann, Trans.). Vintage.

Sartre, J.-P. (2007). Being and nothingness (H. E. Barnes, Trans.). Routledge. (Original work published 1943)

de Beauvoir, S. (1976). The ethics of ambiguity (B. Frechtman, Trans.). Citadel Press.

Abramović, M. (2010). The artist is present. Museum of Modern Art.

Bacon, F. (1953). Study after Velazquez's Portrait of Pope Innocent X. Des Moines Art Center.

Woodman, F. (2006). Francesca Woodman. Phaidon Press.

Chalmers, V. (2024). Existential Photography Reflections.

Report Compiler: ChatGPT 2025

Image: ChatGPT 2025

Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship

Emotional Healing and Acceptance After an Abusive Relationship

“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will seem unfair but rise above it, trusting that others will eventually see the truth, just as you did.” — Jill Blakeway

Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship : Prepared / Experienced by Vernon Chalmers

This is a personal healing process which I 'developed' after enduring a particular difficult two-year (narcissistic abusive) period of my life. It will most probably work differently for different people (and situations). I have learned a lot during this unfortunate relationship situation and its aftermath.

Up to this day I am still learning, but have accepted the fact that this type of healing is a challenging process - as it to so many people all over the world. I am spending less and less time thinking / talking about this healing process, but here are the key healing stages of my observations, learning, self-enrichment, acceptance and recovery:

• Recognising Abusive Behaviour
• Decision to Leave
• Going No Contact
• Research and Self-Assessment
• Letting Go...
• Achievements after Leaving
• Lessons Learned
• Acceptance and Rebuilding
• Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
• Perspective(s) on Self-Healing Progress
• Disclaimer / Reference

Source / Reference: Relationship Abusive Recovery Article Index


© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Existential Motivation (Abusive Relationship Healing)

Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship

"The healing process after an abusive relationship can be a challenging and deeply personal journey. It's important to remember that everyone's healing process is unique, and there is no fixed timeline for recovery. However, here are some general steps that can be helpful for healing:

1. Acknowledge the abuse: Recognize and accept that the relationship was abusive. It's common for survivors to minimize or rationalize the abuse, but acknowledging it is a crucial first step towards healing.

2. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can provide emotional support and validation. Consider joining a support group specifically for survivors of abuse, where you can connect with others who have had similar experiences.

3. Ensure safety: If you are still in immediate danger, prioritize your safety by seeking help from a domestic violence hotline, a shelter, or the authorities. Create a safety plan that includes steps to protect yourself and any children involved.

4. Establish boundaries: Reclaim your personal boundaries and learn to say no to situations or people that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Setting clear boundaries is essential for rebuilding your sense of self and regaining control over your life.

5. Seek professional help: Consider working with a therapist or counselor experienced in trauma and abuse. They can provide guidance, support, and help you navigate through the complex emotions and challenges associated with healing from an abusive relationship.

6. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include engaging in activities you enjoy, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, practicing relaxation techniques, and nourishing your body with healthy food.

7. Process your emotions: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and process the emotions that arise. It's normal to experience a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and confusion. Journaling, expressing yourself through art, or talking with a therapist can be helpful in processing these emotions.

8. Challenge negative beliefs: Abusive relationships often lead to distorted self-perception and negative beliefs about oneself. Challenge these beliefs by focusing on your strengths, celebrating your accomplishments, and engaging in positive self-talk.

9. Rediscover your identity: Reconnect with activities, hobbies, and interests that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment. Explore new passions, set goals for yourself, and gradually rebuild your life based on your own desires and aspirations.

10. Practice forgiveness and self-compassion: Forgiveness is a personal choice and may not be necessary for healing. However, practicing self-compassion is crucial. Be kind to yourself, practice self-forgiveness for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings, and remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and happiness.

Remember, healing is a gradual process, and it's important to be patient and gentle with yourself. It's okay to seek help when needed and to take the time you need to heal and rebuild your life after an abusive relationship." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)

Journey of Loss Mental Health and Existential Motivation

Recovery from My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Vernon Chalmers Mental Health Quotes

About and Disclaimer

Major Lessons Learned from an Abusive Relationship

Challenging Healing Lessons from an Abusive and Narcissistic Relationship

"Remove yourself from people who treat you like your time doesn’t matter, like your feelings are worthless, or like your soul is replaceable" — s.mcnutt

“The abusive partner continually denies any responsibility for problems.” ― Beverly Engel

25 August 2025 marked my fith anniversary after leaving an abusive, violent and overall toxic relationship. It was an extraordinary emotionally charged and challenging period of my life, especially the first couple of months. I had to come to terms with getting out of the FOG (Fear | Obligation | Guilt) for letting go and walking away from someone that I thought (at the time) I have fallen in love with.

Recognizing Abusive Behaviour
I have written extensively here on my Mental Health and Motivation website about some of my now ex girlfriend's unacceptable behaviour that I was subjected to during the relationship. I will therefore not repeat the well-documented encounters of her abusive behaviour against me, her chronic lack of gratitude, the many overt and covert relationship red flags, my paradoxical cognitive dissonance and / or my interpretation of love, loss and grief.

25 August was my late mother's birthday. Celebrating this special day with her was a special highlight of our yearly calendar while she was alive. It is therefore ironic that 25 August is now also associated with reminiscing the most challenging relationship of my life. It was not in any way scripted like this, but rather the unfortunate unfolding of events after some unjustified abusive behaviour towards me. I don't mind sharing this day between one of the best and the most disappointing relationships of my life - it places my mother's sincere character and sense of gratitude into such a healthy perspective (and positive reinforcement of how I should conduct myself in the presence of all other).

Decision to Leave an Abusive Relationship
Thee years ago I reluctantly, but sensibly removed myself from a toxic relationship with an attractive, intelligent and charming woman (albeit with an unashamed false sense of entitlement and the definite queen of grandiosity at times). Her initial impeccable character and intellect, at least in my presence, made way for a staggering flow of abusive behaviour against me. After a few months of various unprovoked physical and verbal attacks I faced the daunting realization of being close to the edge of clinical exhaustion as a result of a perpetual trauma bond with an emotionally unstable partner.

Going No Contact
I isolated myself for a few weeks in going No Contact for essentially reflecting on her poor time management, limited empathy, abusive behaviour, lack of remorse etc. that unfortunatly created an overwhelmingly toxic relationship environment. I realized that I cannot continue to ignore the increasing red flags any longer. After a rather dramatic detachment (final breakup) I was consumed with disappointment and grief that inevitably developed into months of severe post-relationship trauma. The objective of staying No Contact (even after the breakup) is still 100% maintained.

Abuse and Domestic Violence: 'Result for Playing Chess'

Behavioral Research and Self-Assessment
I spent more than a year in not only researching the psychological 'cause and effect' of antisocial (relationship) behaviour and the traumatic consequences, but also assessing (and understanding) my own codependent behaviour vulnerabilities for staying in an abusive relationship.

Letting Go... Letting go of this transactional and abusive relationship was not an achievement as such, but rather the acceptance of ending a dramatic trauma bond that had the toxic behaviour dynamics to cause severe (and possibly long-term) negative consequences. I was unfortunatly enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with someone who was emotionally stunted in the ability to trust, love and / or respect others as part of the reciprocal values required for an emotionally stable relationship.

Achievements after Leaving an Abusive Relationship

• Apart from gaining an extensive body of additional psychological reference knowledge I have had many opportunities for discussing the abusive relationship with family members, friends and professional contacts. I did not (at any stage) consider professional counselling, but rather through no further contact, self-determination, honest reflection and informal psychodynamic talk therapy (with my professional contacts) pursued improved control over my own cognitive dissonance, emotional conditioning and relevant behaviour modification

• During the relationship (and extended aftermath) I lost some of my creativity, daily motivation and sense of self. My own photography was severely compromised for focusing almost exclusively on someone else's omnipresent needs and wants. It took me months for regaining my normal confident self, my interest in my own photography, photography training and the daily management of my CFD trading portfolios.

• Spending less time reading and researching about the 'cause and effect' of antisocial behaviour / personality disorders. I spend more time lately with my own photography and the daily reading / researching about trading and investment opportunities / threats.

• The ability to once again engage with a variety of people with trust, effective communication and the setting of assertive personal boundaries (when and where required). It has happened a few times recently where I had to set and enforce personal boundaries for protecting my privacy and personal space.

• I have always considered empathy and gratitude as important personal / relationship qualities - it's only now that I truly understand the impact and consequences when these emotional values are vaguely selective or completely absent from someone's Emotional Intelligence repertoire. The words 'thank you' became important words in my vocabulary over the last few years.

• Spending relatively long periods in solitude without anxiety (and worrying) about someone else's feelings, actions and reactions. Many hours were consumed with soul searching / self analysis to eventually emerge with a renewed sense of self-awareness, continuous self-enrichment and an ever-increasing emotional intelligence.

Lessons Learned from an Abusive and Narcissistic Relationship

• I cannot take responsibility for someone else's (antisocial) behaviour, I did not cause her inherent propensity towards aggressive tendencies and I do not have to be in the 'firing line' of any abusive and antisocial behaviour against me. I can only control my own behaviour towards other people and that I should be more mindful in terms of my own judgement, decision-making and social behaviour towards the actions and reactions of other people (in an intimate relationship and / or otherwise).

• That I should be more vigilant towards pathological behaviour patterns and obvious and / or covert (silent) red flags during any stage of an intimate relationship. I've read, researched and listened to an extensive range of world-class intimate relationship abuse recovery and psychology resources. Not only for the identification / understanding of psychopathy and related personality disorder traits, but also for assisting me with reference to responsible (re)actions towards any antisocial behaviour.

• That there are indeed people who cannot say 'thank you' - with a preconditioned disregard for not expressing any gratitude whatsoever. It was the first time in my life that I have experienced such a profound sense of self-entitlement (for any received goodwill) and / or deliberate rejection of thankfulness. It took me a while to understand and except that I should not just assume someone will say 'thank you'.

• To address and improve my own relationship codependency behaviour in terms of setting healthy boundaries by not accepting any destructive behaviour tendencies towards me, not trying to please other people and not to feel / be responsible as a 'caregiver' when a more mature relationship disposition is required.

• That processing, letting go and healing from an abusive / toxic relationship is an emotionally challenging detachment, especially without (proper) closure. It required a conscientious effort of personal introspection, own behaviour modification, resilience, forgiveness and acceptance to move beyond the realms of just accepting someone else's (false) sense of entitlement, lack of respect and incessant aggressive behaviour tendencies.

• Recovery and healing time from an abusive relationship is a different journey for anyone going through the challenge(s) of detaching from an unfortunate trauma bond. Its easy (in hindsight) to say it took me a year. A year ago I had no idea how long it would take - some days It felt it would never happen.

Throughout the past four years I have had invaluable private conversations with many people about the toxic dynamics of this abusive relationship and the eroding effect on my emotional wellbeing. I was brutally honest in describing the essence of every (physical) attack against me, the utter disrespect for my integrity and the grandiose disdain for everything that I tirelessly offered during the relationship.

Acceptance / Rebuilding after an Abusive and Narcissistic Relationship
What made the acceptance so much more sustainable was the realization that the grief of losing someone special does not have to go away. What did go away eventually was my fear of letting go. This quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler provided me with the necessary perspective and solace for moving on - “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”

Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of my grief (and trauma from the abuse) I find myself thinking less and less of this specific grief / trauma (and person). The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief, loss and associated trauma made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focusing on the daily awareness of here and now... It took me more than 18 months of introspection, reflection and soul searching to finally arrive at the other side of this emotionally challenged, but self-enriching journey.

Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took more than a year of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating the inner peace to complete the recovery puzzle. Read more >>

The Psychological Journey of Abuse Recovery

Mental Health Healing Process Disclaimer / Reference
This healing process was entirely structured around my own experience(s) in developing a coping and recovery strategy for dealing with the aftermath / trauma from an abusive relationship. The healing process I followed is not in any way intended as a consequential recommendation (or guidance) for others to follow and expect similar results (in the same time frame). It should be viewed as a source of information / frame of reference as one specific attempt to come to terms with and heal from an unhealthy relationship.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Existential Motivation (Healing from Trauma / Narcissistic Abuse)

Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship

From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing

Mental Health Quotes by Vernon Chalmers

Playing Chess and Anger

About and Disclaimer

Why Partners engage in Abusive Relationships?

Abusive relationships are complex and often rooted in a mix of psychological, social, and emotional factors. People may engage in such dynamics for reasons like:

• Learned behavior: Some individuals grow up witnessing or experiencing abuse, which can normalize such patterns in their minds.

• Power and control: Abusers often seek to dominate their partners, using manipulation, fear, or violence to maintain control.

• Low self-esteem: Both abusers and victims may struggle with self-worth, leading to unhealthy dynamics.

• Cultural or societal norms: In some cases, societal pressures or cultural beliefs can perpetuate abusive behaviors or discourage victims from leaving.

• Mental health issues: Conditions like untreated trauma, anger issues, or personality disorders can contribute to abusive tendencies.

It's a heartbreaking cycle, but understanding these factors is a step toward breaking it. What are your thoughts on this?" (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2025)

Major Lessons Learned from an Abusive Relationship: Supportive Information

"Experiencing an abusive relationship can be an incredibly difficult and traumatic experience. While each situation is unique, there are some major lessons that people often learn from such relationships. Here are some common lessons that survivors of abusive relationships have shared:

1. Recognizing red flags: One of the most significant lessons learned is to recognize the warning signs and red flags of abuse. This includes understanding the different forms of abuse, such as physical, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. Survivors become more attuned to behaviors that are manipulative, controlling, or demeaning, which helps them avoid similar situations in the future.

2. Trusting one's instincts: Many survivors of abusive relationships report ignoring their instincts or gut feelings during the course of the relationship. They learn to trust their intuition more and to listen to warning signs that something is not right. Developing self-trust becomes an essential aspect of moving forward.

3. Setting boundaries: Abusive relationships often involve a lack of respect for boundaries. Survivors learn the importance of setting and enforcing healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. This includes relationships with family, friends, and future partners. They understand that setting clear limits is crucial for their emotional and physical well-being.

4. Building self-esteem: Abusive relationships can take a toll on one's self-esteem, often leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-blame. Survivors learn to rebuild their self-worth and prioritize their own needs and desires. They work on self-compassion, self-care, and surrounding themselves with supportive people who uplift them.

5. Seeking help and support: Many survivors of abusive relationships initially hesitate to seek help due to fear, shame, or guilt. However, as they learn about the dynamics of abuse, they realize the importance of reaching out for support. This may involve confiding in friends, family, or professionals such as therapists, counselors, or support groups.

6. Understanding the cycle of abuse: Survivors often gain insights into the cycle of abuse, which typically consists of a tension-building phase, an explosive incident, and a honeymoon phase. Recognizing this pattern helps survivors understand that the abuse is not their fault and that it is the responsibility of the abuser to seek help and change.

7. Prioritizing self-care: Abuse can leave survivors feeling emotionally and physically drained. Learning to prioritize self-care becomes crucial for healing and moving forward. This may involve engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing self-compassion, and taking time for rest and relaxation.

8. Establishing healthy relationship patterns: Survivors often make a conscious effort to break free from toxic relationship patterns and establish healthier dynamics in their future relationships. They learn about healthy communication, mutual respect, trust, and the importance of equality and consent.

9. Advocating for oneself: Survivors of abusive relationships often develop a strong sense of self-advocacy. They learn to assert their needs, speak up for themselves, and protect their boundaries. This newfound strength allows them to advocate for their rights in various aspects of life.

10. Empathy and compassion for others: Having experienced the pain and trauma of an abusive relationship, survivors often develop a deeper sense of empathy and compassion for others who have gone through similar experiences. This can lead them to support and uplift fellow survivors, and even become advocates for ending domestic violence.

It's important to note that everyone's journey and lessons learned may vary. Each individual's experience is unique, and the healing process is personal. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, it is crucial to seek help from professionals or organizations specializing in domestic violence support." (Source: Chat GPT 2023)

From Analytical Education to Creative Training Part 1

Vernon Chalmers Academic, Business and Training Development Journey

SA Navy Training Officer and Studying / Working via Secret ICT Classification

Part 1 | Part 2

Labour Relations Training SAS Simonsberg Photo Credit: SA Navy

“As a young first-year student in Cape Town I made a solemn promise on my way to my first lecture - if ever given the opportunity, I will educate, train and develop others for the rest of my life.” ― Vernon Chalmers

"An active life serves the purpose of giving man the opportunity to realize values in creative work, while a passive life of enjoyment affords him the opportunity to obtain fulfillment in experiencing beauty, art, or nature." ― Viktor Frankl

Image 1: Vernon Chalmers Training Officer South African Navy
With my students (I’m back row on the left) after my first ever self-designed training course (on Labour Relations). My KPA's included the lecturing of Military Leadership / Military Management / Labour Relations Strategy and Consulting for the SA Navy at the Military Training School, SAS Simonsberg, Simon’s Town and the SA Naval Staff College (for Naval Officer Training) in Muizenberg during the early 1990’s.

Some of my (personal) biggest achievements were two Chief of the SA Navy Excellence Awards for Labour Relations / Military Management Training (SAS Simonsberg), SADF Joint Senior Staff Officer College Labour Relations Course Selection (as a junior officer) - completed Summa Cum Laude (Pretoria). I was trusted with the autonomy for continuous research / development of Classified Military Management training (for Navy Petty Officers and Warrant Officers Qualifying) curriculums and being selected as one of the youngest members to serve on the Chief of the SA Navy's Steering Committee for Military Management and Leadership Training (and the curriculum development / facilitation of civilian Labour Relations Training to current / future Naval Base Commanding Officers) Naval Officer Staff College (Muizenberg).

It was an honour to work with some of the Navy's finest senior officers (during some of my assignments) who served as Commanding / Executive Officers on some of our Navy's most prestigious ships and / or shore units. Many retired years later as Rear and Vice Admirals.

Border Duty mention: As part of my initial compulsory (conscript) military service, (SA Navy), I spent three months volunteering with the SA Marine Corps in two operational units in the 'war zone' (SWA / Namibia) deep into the Caprivi Strip, with the second deployment a few kilometers north of the Chobe National Park - where we regularly observed the 'enemy' across the Chobe River, Zambia. It was a personal dedicated (auxiliary) border service, and at times volunteered in assisting some of the Marines with minor psychological challenges - for my border service I received the SADF Pro Patria medal. For me, personally, this period was quite a paradox, as 1000s of young men across the SADF had no choice. Most of them (SA Army) were engaged in physical infantry warfare in Angola during the same time. I still, up to today, have many days assimilating this. Sentinel Projects (by Barry Fowler, Clinical Psychologist, SA Army during the same period) assisted me in a very thoughtful way in reading his online publication with some interesting anecdotes / journals from various SADF members during this challenging period - I starting reading Sentinel Projects since 2020. I also read Barry Fowler's book - Pro Patria 2nd Ed. 'SADF Border Duty 1984 -1988'.

Classified Information and Communication Technology Student Employment
As a Human Resource Management and Social Science student I was unexpectedly awarded an international Curry Merit Award / Bursary towards the end of my first year and was subsequently recruited (from my second year) by a covert Information Management and Technology agency involved in Secret and Top Secret national and international projects for the South African Defense Force (SADF). After some intense scrutiny I was granted an official SADF / SA Government Intelligence Secret Clearance and over a three-year period was exposed to some of the best Information Technology (IT) software engineers / computer systems in the country. What was quite ironic (to keep a secret) was the many days I attended lectures in full business attire - under the pretense of working as a part-time sales representative.

I was prohibited from talking to anyone (via Classified / Secret Non-Disclosure Agreements) about the existence and / or my affiliation to the agency (and / or the SADF) - and I worked there most afternoons, evenings and weekends. During many all-night operations I would shower at the agency in the morning and drive back to campus attending lectures from 08:30. Some afternoons I would drive straight back 'to work' or spend hours researching 'specific criteria' in various university libraries for the agency. One of my (lessor) classified assignments involved the facilitation / strategic implementation guidelines of the SA Labour Relations Act for the agency's management (seeing that they worked in tandem with the SADF and its application of the Military Discipline Code (MDC) Act - for SADF military units). At the time there was little guidance / application of the civilian Labour Relations Act regarding the future of the soon to be formal all-inclusive (mostly unknown) definition of all SADF-involved civilian employees. I was ultimately offered a permanent position in 'Psychometric Analysis - Secret Intelligence Selection and Recruitment', but I turned it down for other opportunities.

Little did I know that a few years later I would become (more than) strategically involved in the consulting / training of civilian labour relations / labour law to SA Navy officers, non-commissioned officers and civilian staff (in the Western Cape Command). The more liberal labour relations policy approach of the SA Navy leadership (during the early 1990's) offered me this unique intervention as an important organisational / personal goal and responsibility (in the context of the country's political ideology at the time). The Navy's leadership trust in my ability to fulfil my self-defined research and curriculum-development objectives across rank and region motivated me even more. At first I was slightly overwhelmed with the academic freedom of guiding so many different levels of stakeholders, but I was well supported by my senior naval officers, military training psychologists and other members who, like me, believed in the shared goals and essence of staff development and motivation.

From Human Resource Development Education to Personal / Corporate Computing
My first postgraduate majors included Applied Industrial Psychology, Compensation Management, Human Resource Development and Organisational Behaviour. At the same time (while working at the agency) I developed a stupendous interest in the fast-developing global semiconductor industry with specific reference to the 'brain of the PC' - the Central Processing Unit (CPU). An early personal 'AI' interest I suppose, in terms of executing specific human / logic instructions via the CPU (chip) through programmed purpose; the Arithmetic Logic Unit, Control Unit and the Storage Unit (memory) functionality. I was fascinated by the idea that such a tiny wafer of semiconducting material with an embedded electronic circuit could potentially change the way we apply a broad spectrum of quantitative analysis, electronic communication and general office / personal productivity. With almost a million transistors at the time on each chip and increasing with every new CPU generation (thanks to Gordon Moore of Intel's scientific observation that eventually became Moore's Law - that the number of transistors in an integrated circuit doubles about every two years) - this evolution had a significant impact on the continuous global scientific, engineering, business, socio-economic, technology and digital communication efficiency since the 1960s.

It was a fascinating time - and this was just about the beginning of the universal technological influence of the microchip, independently invented in 1959 by Jack Kilby of Texas Instruments and Robert Noyce (Noyce together with Gordon Moore founded Intel Corporation in 1968, California, United States). The introduction of the first IBM Personal Computer (PC) in 1981 provided opportunities for business and individuals to acquire cost-effective multi-tasking desktop computers that were simply not available in such small form factor(s) before. Not long after the introduction of the IBM PC the Intel CPU became the microprocessor of choice for most desktop and workstation / server (network) computer data processing around the world. Millions of Intel CPU's were integrated into 'cloned' IBM PC's with seamless compatibility and more cost-effective than most IBM components (i.e. cases, power supply units, motherboards (compatible with various Intel CPU's), DDR memory modules, internal IDE hard drives, graphic / sound cards and other primary input / output peripherals) when the Intel XT 80286 CPU became available in 1982. It subsequently dominated the 'CPU of choice' market as the 'de facto' standard for many business, laboratory, office and classroom desktop computers. Bill Gates and Paul Allen's Microsoft provided the 'disk operating system' (DOS) software and over the years evolved in tandem with Intel to the current 14th Generation Intel (Raptor Lake) CPU's with Microsoft Windows 11 as operating system software (OS) of choice (together with a quite a few open-source Linux OS distributions). I was always aware of Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak's development of the Apple Macintosh computer system, but my (historic) fascination remained on the 'Intel Inside' side only.

Higher data transfer rates became an ever-increasing essential requirement for desktop / server information processing and for enabling digital communication / networking between computer systems (not just intra-corporate, but across industries and the fast-developing international private / public digital global landscape). A rapid demand for IT skills, systems, products, services and subsequent growth in electronic commerce redefined (digital) workflows for the continuous increase in (global) corporate competitiveness. Faster, reliable and scalable computing / networking bandwidth pushed semiconductor manufacturing performance requirements for increased individual and corporate efficiency. During the 1990s the revolutionary development of the new 'digital economy' via the Internet accelerated change to strategic / operational analytical decision-making for increased competitive advantages and efficiency. These 'inflection points' benefited SMEs and large multi-national / international corporates alike. Many government agencies across the world started vigorous research and (software) application developments in terms of various regulatory changes, updating international trading standards and defining new cyber security risk protocols. 'Who is spying on who..?' Suddenly, international business / economics became very enticing subjects to study and / or to lecture - right through the retail dot-com implosion during the early 2000s. All very exhilarating indeed for anybody remotely interested in semiconductors, silicon processor (CPU) processing, increased productivity and making lots of money - or losing it after the dot-com crash.

“A strategic inflection point is a time in the life of business when its fundamentals are about to change. that change can mean an opportunity to rise to new heights. But it may just as likely signal the beginning of the end” ― Andy Grove, Intel

During my studies the agency assisted me in acquiring my first own personal computer - an Intel-based XT 80286 desktop computer (with Olivetti dot matrix printer) and within the next year upgraded to an Intel-based AT 80386 just to upgrade again to the more advanced Intel-based 80486 (as it became available in the local market). After these upgrades I was freely and generously supplied with some of Intel's Europe, Middle-East and Africa (Intel EMEA) market's first assigned high-performance multiprocessing Intel Pentium and Intel Pentium II CPUs after joining Intel Corporation.

One of my prescribed reading resources during my first postgraduate studies during the 1990s was Alvin Toffler's futuristic book, 'Future Shock'. In short, the book was more a pragmatic assertion that the accelerated rate of structural change(s) in global social and technological environments will have a profound psychological impact on most individuals and societies. In our small class of about fifteen students I was one of the only students who made an attempt to read Toffler's head-scratching future 'social science fiction' narrative predictions from cover to cover - one of our final examination case studies was based on various chapters from Future Shock (not included in the paper) and I could not have been happier. In contemporary society many scientists and technologists still acknowledge the literature contributions Toffler has made to international technological revolution, change and development. (Source: Vernon Chalmers Academic, Private and Corporate Information Management Applied Research)

"With the help of technology, teachers will be leaders in the transformation of education around the world." ― Craig Barrett, Intel

Open Socket with Intel CPU on a Motherboard with two open RAM Slots on the Left

Applying IT Systems for Enhancing Management / Employee Productivity
I became fascinated by IT Systems to such an extend that I quickly mastered not only to design / integrate purpose-built desktop / workstation computer systems, but also vigorously researched how corporate IT architecture (and the fast-developing Internet) could be applied for improving strategic / management decision-making, organisational productivity, corporate communications and analytical / data management performance objectives. As HTTP protocols and HTML became more universally available I developed a self-designed Intranet for an academic institution in Cape Town - for improving digital communications between the IT department and every PC across their campuses. Working for / and be further trained by Intel Corporation (EMEA / US) engineers and MBA marketing a few years later enabled me to consult large corporations, universities and SME IT Systems development and future 'IT roadmapping'. These strategic interventions created many personal opportunities for lecturing a variety of Information Systems Architecture Design, Software, Social Media, E-Commerce and Internet Marketing modules to various groups of graduate and postgraduate students. However, my most important personal learning interests were, above all, still focused on the cognition, development and applied research in human behaviour / motivation.

Academic / Private Sector Education, Training and Consulting
The years between Image 1 and Image 2 was quite a journey. During these years I have had the privilege of lecturing (and designing / facilitating many training courses) at various business schools, universities and private training institutions across South Africa (Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban). I was provided with many opportunities for consulting / lecturing / facilitating subjects such as Strategic Management, Financial Management, Human Resource Management, Training Management, Labour Relations / Law, Industrial Psychology, Self Management, Small Business Management, Entrepreneurship, Organisational Behaviour, Consumer Behaviour / Market Research, Corporate Communications, Business Economics, Macroeconomics, Accountancy, Advertising Management, Project Leadership / Management, Supply-Chain Management, Marketing Management, Change Management, Information Systems Management, Information Systems Architecture / Design / Integration, Corporate Website Strategy / Design / Implementation / Analytics, E-Commerce Strategy / Application, Internet Marketing Strategy / Application, Social Media Strategy / Application and Quantitative Analytics / Global Consumer Visitation / Market(ing) Behaviour Analysis (where applicable).

Continue to Part 2 >>

Why Are Narcissists So often (So, Imperiously) Late?

Narcissistic Lateness is more than a Superficial Behavioral Quirk - It is a Manifestation of Deeper Psychological Processes involving Entitlement, Control, Lack of Empathy, and Distorted Self-Perception

“You can teach a narcissist to show up on time, but you can't train them to listen once they get there.” ― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Abstract

"Chronic lateness is a behavioral trait often associated with narcissistic individuals. While many people may occasionally run late due to external factors, narcissists tend to exhibit a pattern of tardiness rooted in deeper psychological and personality constructs. This paper explores the phenomenon of narcissistic lateness by examining narcissistic personality traits, such as entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, time distortion, and control-seeking behavior. It also discusses the implications of such behavior in personal and professional settings. Drawing on current psychological research and real-world case studies, the paper highlights how consistent lateness may reflect a narcissist’s internal world and social dysfunction, ultimately serving as a form of manipulation, power assertion, or disregard for others’ time and boundaries.

Introduction

Punctuality is widely regarded as a fundamental social norm that signals respect, responsibility, and reliability. In contrast, chronic lateness can be interpreted as inconsiderate or even disrespectful. For individuals with narcissistic personality traits, habitual lateness often goes beyond mere forgetfulness or disorganization—it becomes an extension of their psychological makeup. Narcissists frequently arrive late to events, meetings, or personal engagements, leaving others feeling dismissed, undervalued, or manipulated. This recurring behavior raises important questions: Why are narcissists so often late, and what underlying psychological mechanisms drive this pattern?

This paper aims to address these questions by exploring the nexus between narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and lateness. It begins with an overview of narcissism and its defining characteristics, followed by an exploration of key psychological drivers of lateness, such as entitlement, time perception, and control. Additionally, the social and relational consequences of this behavior will be examined. Finally, interventions and strategies for dealing with narcissistic lateness in various settings will be proposed.

Understanding Narcissism

Definition and Characteristics

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex and multifaceted psychological condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others (American Psychiatric Association [APA], 2013). Individuals with NPD often view themselves as superior, entitled to special treatment, and indifferent to how their actions affect others. Narcissism exists on a spectrum; while some individuals may meet the full diagnostic criteria for NPD, others may exhibit subclinical or “everyday” narcissistic traits.

Key features of narcissism include:

• Grandiosity and exaggerated self-importance
• Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, or beauty
• A strong need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonal exploitiveness
• Lack of empathy
• Envy toward others or belief that others are envious of them
• Arrogant or haughty behaviors (Miller et al., 2010)

These traits form the basis for various maladaptive interpersonal behaviors, including manipulation, disregard for social norms, and chronic lateness.

The Psychological Drivers of Narcissistic Lateness

1. Entitlement and Grandiosity

Narcissists often believe that the rules that apply to others do not apply to them. Their sense of entitlement may lead them to devalue punctuality, viewing it as a constraint that does not befit their perceived status. According to Morf and Rhodewalt (2001), narcissists construct and maintain an inflated self-image by manipulating their environment and the people around them. This often involves behaviors that reinforce their superiority, such as arriving late and expecting others to wait.

2. Time Distortion and Disregard for Structure

Research indicates that narcissists often exhibit a distorted perception of time (Paulhus & Williams, 2002). They may genuinely underestimate how long tasks take or overestimate their ability to complete multiple activities within a short time frame. This distortion is further exacerbated by their impulsivity and lack of planning—a consequence of their grandiose self-beliefs.

In many cases, the narcissist’s disregard for structured time reflects a deeper indifference to the needs and experiences of others. By not valuing others’ time, they subtly communicate that their own schedule, needs, and priorities are paramount.

3. Control and Power Dynamics

Chronic lateness can also be a subtle but powerful method of control. By keeping others waiting, narcissists may assert dominance in a given interaction, establishing themselves as the person with more power or status. This behavior is consistent with the concept of “interpersonal control” outlined by Campbell et al. (2005), who suggest that narcissists often seek to control interactions to reinforce their superiority and self-worth.

Lateness becomes a tool for asserting dominance—creating an environment in which others are made to feel anxious, subordinate, or unimportant.

4. Attention-Seeking Behavior

Arriving late may also serve an attention-seeking function. Narcissists thrive on being the center of attention and may use lateness as a dramatic entrance strategy, ensuring that all eyes are on them when they arrive. This behavior aligns with their need for admiration and reinforcement (Ronningstam, 2005).

Such tactics are often reinforced if others respond with concern, flattery, or accommodation, thereby validating the narcissist’s belief in their own specialness and superiority.

Interpersonal Impacts of Narcissistic Lateness

1. Strained Relationships

For those in close relationships with narcissists, chronic lateness can be exhausting and emotionally damaging. It often leaves partners, friends, or coworkers feeling devalued and disrespected. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy, leading to frustration and conflict.

Narcissistic lateness may also be accompanied by gaslighting or deflection. The narcissist may blame traffic, scheduling errors, or even the other person, refusing to take accountability. This dynamic undermines healthy communication and fosters emotional instability in relationships (Campbell & Foster, 2007).

2. Professional Disruption

In professional settings, lateness can jeopardize collaboration, deadlines, and team cohesion. While narcissists may excel in individual performance, their lack of respect for shared timelines can hinder group productivity and morale (Judge et al., 2006).

Moreover, when narcissists occupy leadership roles, their lateness may set a negative example, eroding organizational culture and encouraging similar behavior among subordinates.

3. Manipulation and Gaslighting

Chronic lateness may also be part of a broader pattern of psychological manipulation. The narcissist may use lateness to test boundaries, trigger insecurity, or create chaos—especially if they know that punctuality is important to someone. When confronted, they often deflect blame, minimize the issue, or make the other person feel unreasonable for being upset.

This can be especially harmful in romantic relationships, where the emotional stakes are high. Lateness, when repeated and unexplained, becomes a subtle form of emotional abuse.

Narcissistic Lateness in Cultural and Social Contexts

Culture plays a significant role in the interpretation of punctuality. In some cultures, relaxed attitudes toward time are common and socially acceptable. However, narcissistic lateness goes beyond cultural norms; it is characterized not by general laxness but by targeted, interpersonal disregard.

In Western, time-conscious societies, being late is often interpreted as a sign of disrespect or inefficiency. For narcissists, violating this norm becomes an act of defiance and control. It also functions as a symbolic expression of self-importance: “I’m too important to wait, and you must wait for me.”

Case Studies

Case Study 1: Romantic Relationship

Emma, a 30-year-old teacher, reported that her narcissistic partner was “always late” to dinner dates, events, and even important milestones such as family gatherings. Despite repeated conversations, he remained unapologetic, often blaming work or traffic. Emma eventually realized that the lateness wasn’t accidental—it was a consistent pattern that mirrored his broader disregard for her needs.

Case Study 2: Workplace Behavior

Jonathan, a manager known for his exceptional technical skills, often showed up late to team meetings. His tardiness disrupted discussions and forced colleagues to repeat information. When confronted, he either offered superficial apologies or criticized the meeting's relevance. HR eventually intervened, noting that his behavior contributed to a toxic team environment. Though he was technically competent, his narcissistic lateness eroded team trust and performance.

Coping with Narcissistic Lateness

1. Setting Clear Boundaries

One of the most effective strategies in dealing with narcissistic lateness is establishing and enforcing boundaries. This includes setting firm expectations around time and sticking to them—starting meetings or events without waiting for the narcissist.

2. Avoiding Emotional Investment

It’s important not to internalize or personalize a narcissist’s lateness. Their behavior reflects their psychological traits, not your value. Keeping emotional distance and refraining from repeated confrontation can help preserve one’s mental well-being.

3. Documentation in Professional Settings

In work environments, documenting repeated lateness and its effects on team performance can be crucial. This creates a factual record that can support HR interventions or performance reviews.

4. Therapeutic Support

For those in close relationships with narcissists, therapy can offer tools for understanding narcissistic behaviors, building resilience, and protecting one’s sense of self-worth. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-informed approaches are especially helpful for dealing with emotional fallout.

Theoretical Perspectives

• Psychoanalytic Theory

Freudian psychoanalysis suggests that narcissistic traits stem from unresolved developmental conflicts, particularly in early childhood. Chronic lateness may serve as a defense mechanism—a way to reassert control in response to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy (Kernberg, 1975).

• Behavioral Theory

From a behavioral standpoint, lateness may be reinforced by positive outcomes: attention, dominance, or avoidance of undesired tasks. Over time, these rewards solidify the behavior pattern.

• Social Learning Theory

Social learning theory posits that individuals model behaviors they observe in others, especially figures of authority or influence (Bandura, 1977). If a narcissist was raised in an environment where lateness was tolerated or even rewarded, they may replicate and exaggerate this behavior.

The Narcissist and Time Management 

Conclusion

Narcissistic lateness is more than a superficial behavioral quirk—it is a manifestation of deeper psychological processes involving entitlement, control, lack of empathy, and distorted self-perception. By understanding the mechanisms behind this behavior, we gain insight into the broader relational patterns of narcissistic individuals.

While occasional lateness is human, persistent disregard for time—especially when paired with manipulation or deflection—can be profoundly damaging to relationships, workplaces, and communities. Addressing this behavior requires both awareness and strategic boundaries, ideally supported by psychological education and professional guidance." (Source: ChatGPT 2025)

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).

Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice Hall.

Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2007). The narcissistic self: Background, an extended agency model, and ongoing controversies. In C. Sedikides & S. J. Spencer (Eds.), The self (pp. 115–138). Psychology Press.

Campbell, W. K., Reeder, G. D., Sedikides, C., & Elliot, A. J. (2000). Narcissism and comparative self-enhancement strategies. Journal of Research in Personality, 34(3), 329–347.

Judge, T. A., LePine, J. A., & Rich, B. L. (2006). Loving yourself abundantly: Relationship of the narcissistic personality to self- and other perceptions of workplace deviance, leadership, and task and contextual performance. Journal of Applied Psychology, 91(4), 762–776.

Kernberg, O. F. (1975). Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. Jason Aronson.

Miller, J. D., Campbell, W. K., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2007). Narcissistic personality disorder: Relations with distress and functional impairment. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 48(2), 170–177.

Morf, C. C., & Rhodewalt, F. (2001). Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self-regulatory processing model. Psychological Inquiry, 12(4), 177–196.

Paulhus, D. L., & Williams, K. M. (2002). The dark triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Journal of Research in Personality, 36(6), 556–563.

Ronningstam, E. (2005). Identifying and understanding the narcissistic personality. Oxford University Press.

Report: ChatGPT 2025

Analytical Education to Creative Training Part 2

Vernon Chalmers Business, Human Resource Training and Creative Journey

From Intel Corporation, Founding of Blu-C, Neuropsychology and Photography

Part 2 | Part 1

Intel® Core™ i5-9400F CPU (2019)

"The "Intel Inside" campaign has been one of the most successful branding campaigns in history." - Harvard Business Publishing

Synergy of Mind and Machine...
"Vernon Chalmers’s work represents a fusion of business savvy with cognitive and creative pursuit. This mindset mirrors the innovations at Intel Corporation, which have redefined how technology can amplify human potential." (Source: Microsoft)

Intel Corporation - The 'Intel Inside' campaign and more...
During my busy time (of lecturing and consulting day and most evenings) I was very fortunate to have be recruited by Intel Corporation (USA) as the company entered the local Information Technology market with Information Technology, Marketing and Sales offices in three South African cities. At the time Intel was a Global Top 10 company in the S&P Fortune 500 Company Index (as one of the world's largest semiconductor / CPU manufacturers) - to manage the commercial desktop Central Processing Unit (CPU) world renowned 'Intel Inside' advertising / education campaigns and the more industrial 'Intel Product Integrator' and (Intel Workstation / Server / CPU's, related high-performance Motherboards / Network Interface Cards) Sales, Marketing and related Dealer Training programmes in Cape Town.

My Intel EMEA (UK) regional director was one of the senior members involved in the development of the original (and famed) 'Intel Inside' advertising / brand campaign. Intel Corporation entered the South African market in 1997 and as one of about 5 South Africans I regularly attended Intel CPU / Information Systems Architecture and Integration Training in various UK / European cities. My Home / Office was directly linked (via Intel and Telkom) to the Intel USA, UK and German offices by international secure DSL technologies that were not financially viable (at the time) for most local SME's. In my capacity as an Intel SA staff member I advocated for local cost-reductions and even had a personal op-ed Intel letter published in the SA Financial Mail magazine to drive ADSL cost down for at least Business South Africa.

Iconic Reading: "The Intel Trinity: How Robert Noyce, Gordon Moore, and Andy Grove Built the World's Most Important Company" by Michael S. Malone Amazon

Inspired by Intel's PhD founders, Robert Noyce, Gordon Moore and Andy Grove it was more than an honour and privilege to work for one of the world's top-ranked (Information Technology) companies at the time. I have had the opportunity to meet / work with the U.S.-based Intel Corporation CEO and Chairman of the Intel Board, Dr. Craig Barrett in Johannesburg and was inspired by his charismatic and highly intelligent, but humble global business leadership approach. In many ways Intel Corporation (with it's famous founders and extraordinary semiconductor / technology journey since the 1960's) motivated me to do even more (on my own) with Information Technology, Education and Training.

“Don’t be encumbered by history, just go out and do something wonderful.” ― Robert Noyce, Intel

The Founding of Blu-C and Beyond...
I left Intel after a few years to pursue further part-time postgraduate studies towards an MBA, offering advanced Business / Financial Administration, International Economics, Organisational Behaviour, Human Resource Development, Risk Management etc. Together with my friend, Joseph Inns, (an Art / Photography lecturer and Graphic Design entrepreneur) we founded the exciting 'dot.com' start-up of Blu-C - a creative Internet, IT (Desktop System Integration and Networking), Database Development, Graphic Design, Public Relations and Photography agency in Pinelands and later Rondebosch, Cape Town. Recruitment and selection of new staff were ingenious and effective - we both recruited from our own best students / graduates (who we thought would fit into our entrepreneurial culture) from relevant subjects we both lectured. Joseph worked full-time at Blu-C while I balanced my time between my daily Blu-C KPA's and my part-time studying / lecturing (close to the office in Rondebosch, but also Cape Town, Granger Bay and Bellville).

What was quite interesting was that Joseph (as art and photography partner) and his staff only worked on Apple computers while the rest of us worked on Intel-based PC's and laptops. At least I could purpose-built / integrate / network the Intel PC's myself and therefore developed an extremely cost-effective computer environment for about 80% of our required IT needs. On many late afternoons myself and Joseph would sit alone in our office and marvelled at our IT systems which formed such a significant part of our operations and internal / external communications.

After four years as executive partner at Blu-C (and spending half the time in classrooms again) I decided it was time to call it a day and returned to (almost) full-time lecturing, JSE Derivatives Trading, Organisational / Information Technology consulting and private Internet Marketing / Social Media Strategy consulting / training across the Western Cape, Durban and Johannesburg. Joseph took full ownership and control of Blu-C. To assist me with my demanding traveling schedules I developed my first personal academic resource-sharing website. Different sections of the website represented different universities / subjects and my students could register online and securely up / download subject-specific information (while away from campus) without manual intervention from me.

Privilege and Responsibility
I never had a favourite or preferred subject. The privilege to contribute to so many careers and lives came with an enormous sense of responsibility and motivation during the entire 'left brain' lecturing / facilitation period. I have very fond memories of lecturing at the SA Navy's Military Training School / Naval Staff College. I enjoyed the discipline, military organisational structure and the close-knit social environment. I also learned about / enjoyed international traveling and was subjected to a sublime professional business culture at one of the most successful global IT organisations (while working / training at Intel Corporation). One thing I did not really enjoy after leaving the SA Navy was the endless driving between university campuses during the week and many Saturday mornings, but always with the same objectives of being prepared and never to be a minute late (albeit with the same privilege and motivation). At Intel Corporation it was more / less the same, the endless travelling schedule across South Africa and abroad took its toll on all the other plans 'I had in my head'. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for each and every opportunity I received.

Vernon Chalmers Synergy between Learning and Training

Paradigm Shift: Education and Training to Creative Application, Research and Training

Since 2010 I started with a complete paradigm shift, transitioning from the above in creating the Vernon Chalmers Photography / Photography Training website. I transformed my photography hobby into an educational, training and support system by first educating myself with a thorough academic understanding of the art and science of photography, followed by application through the research, design, development and facilitation of various Canon EOS Camera & Photography Workshops and currently, one-on-one Training Programmes (Birds in Flight / Landscape / Macro / Speedlite Flash / Image Post-Processing) at my Milnerton training studio apartment (opposite Woodbridge Island), Cape Town.

Vernon Chalmers Photography Training Philosophy

Canon Camera News Website
I started researching and archiving the entire Canon EOS SLR / DSLR / EF / EF-S lens, PowerShot camera ranges (and related accessories, manuals and international media releases) and during 2012 launched the  Canon Camera News website. Today the website (with the full range of the current Canon mirrorless EOS R System cameras - and RF / RF-S lenses) is an 'one-stop online destination' to more than a million global Canon camera (and to a lesser extent Canon small office / home laser and inkjet printer) users for the viewing / downloading of historic and up-to-date Canon camera and printer-related support information (for a growing international user circulation of +- 130 countries per year).

The 'ever-present' Joseph Inns
My friend, photography lecturer and former business partner, Joseph Inns, played an extraordinary role in assisting me with my transition into photography. He's knowledge, experience and personal qualities guided me in more ways he would ever have known. Joseph unfortunately passed away in 2021. I dearly miss my friend, but will never forget the absolute meaningful impact / paradigm shift he has brought to my life and career. Grieving the loss of my friend, Joseph Inns

Delegates during a Landscape Practical Milnerton Beach, Cape Town : Photo Credit: Steve Williams

Image 2: Vernon Chalmers Photography Training Milnerton / Woodbridge Island
Students during a recent Landscape / Seascape Photography Workshop at Milnerton Beach. Theory (settings / composition) was presented at Intaka Island, Century City and practical sessions for Canon and Nikon photographers were facilitated around Woodbridge Island and Milnerton Beach. About everything during the years stayed the same (although I have completely changed subjects). I have the same intensity and interest in the development and training of people.

Photography is absolutely more creative than any of the left brain subjects I facilitated, but the personal responsibility, research, preparation, support and ultimately the privilege is the same (for me).

Mental Health and Existential Motivation Website
The Mental Health and Existential Motivation website was created during May 2021 as an online journaling project publishing my personal experiences, research and views with reference to Emotional Wellbeing, Neuropsychology, Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Sense of Self Research / Resource Sharing.

Human Brain Asymmetry and Lateralization
With my omnipresent interest in education, training and developmental psychology I have found contemporary neuroscience as a fundamental physiological requirement for gaining more insight into cognitive vs. emotional decision-making biases and subsequent behavioural responses. Learning more about human brain asymmetry and lateralisation and how the limbic system controls our cognition, motivation, emotions and stress reactions etc. are indeed fascinating, but also serves as important personal guidance in understanding more about human behaviour challenges / development.

Vernon Chalmers Existential Motivation 

CFD Trading on the Johannesburg Stock Exchange (JSE)
What I did retain form my more analytical 'left brain days' is my Contract for Difference (CFD) derivatives trading portfolio on the Johannesburg Stock Exchange (JSE). This is an effective way of keeping my mind sharp and it provides for my only 'fixed' daily schedule - the JSE is open Monday to Friday between 09:00 - 17:00. I am mindful of every trading day with these 'office hours' in check - even if I don't trade and am busy with photography and / or psychology research projects. I trade for myself only, therefore the research, decision-making and management of my own derivatives portfolio is a personal, but 'challenging strategy, application and risk management exercise' for stimulating analytical thinking.

I have been investing in shares and trading derivatives for more than 20 years. In the beginning I invested through the traditional paper-based stockbroker system (up to the early 2000's) and after the introduction of online share trading I started trading via an online JSE-accredited and direct-linked trading platform. It all started in the beginning of a semester lecturing my first Economics class during the mid-1990's when a student asked me to explain a particular 'financial theory of stock market investment decision-making and risk management' in more practical terms. That same afternoon I phoned a local stockbroker and placed an order for my first share trading transaction. For the rest of the year we analysed and tracked the company's share performance on the JSE. It was a thorough hands-on learning experience with and through my students. I nostalgically retained the shares for many years as I curated and developed my first share portfolio.

Soon after I started with online share trading I migrated my complete portfolio to high-risk leveraged derivatives trading only. I profusely researched the psychological greed and fear technical analysis indicators of the (long and short-term) institutional and individual buyers / sellers' collective trading behaviour and attended many fundamental and technical trading training sessions offered by my online broker / market maker. My current CFD portfolio is substantially trimmed due to the consistent high international (and local) socio-economic and socio-political financial market risks. A few years ago I would confidentially trade two CFD portfolios with a combined constituency allocation of about 25 listed companies in the JSE Top 40 Index. Currently I trade a single portfolio with only 2 - 5% of my original portfolio constituents. I only trade Top 40 SA JSE-listed companies with large market capitalisations in industries / sectors that is well researched by myself over many years, with strong fundamentals / HEPS (headline earnings per share), reliable long-term corporate management and also only if I am a current consumer client (in purchasing / using their products / services).

I Analyze to Understand

"Markets are mirrors. Geopolitics is narrative. I engage global systems not to predict, but to perceive. My research in macroeconomics and behavioral finance is grounded in ethical inquiry and strategic clarity. I seek patterns not for profit alone, but for insight, resilience, and responsible action." (Microsoft Copilot for Vernon Chalmers)

How I started Share Trading on the JSE...

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Existential Motivation (Education and Training)

From Analytical Education to Creative Training: Supporting Information
"Shifting from analytical education to creative training involves a focus on fostering creativity, innovation, and critical thinking skills in students. Here are some key aspects to consider when transitioning from an analytical approach to a more creative and experiential learning environment:

1. Encouraging Exploration and Curiosity: Create an atmosphere that encourages students to explore different ideas, ask questions, and think critically. Foster a sense of curiosity by providing opportunities for hands-on experiences, experimentation, and problem-solving.

2. Emphasizing Critical Thinking: Develop activities and assignments that promote critical thinking skills, such as analyzing complex problems, evaluating multiple perspectives, and generating innovative solutions. Encourage students to think critically about the information they encounter and challenge traditional assumptions.

3. Incorporating Project-Based Learning: Implement project-based learning approaches where students can engage in real-world problem-solving. Design projects that require creativity, collaboration, and interdisciplinary thinking. This approach allows students to apply their knowledge in practical ways and encourages innovative thinking.

4. Promoting Collaboration and Communication: Encourage collaborative learning environments where students can work together in groups to solve problems, brainstorm ideas, and share diverse perspectives. This helps students develop effective communication skills and learn from each other's unique experiences and insights.

5. Integrating Arts and Design: Incorporate arts-based activities, such as visual arts, music, drama, and design, into the curriculum. These activities can stimulate creativity, foster self-expression, and encourage students to think outside the box. They also provide alternative avenues for students to explore and express their ideas.

6. Providing Flexibility and Choice: Offer students more flexibility and choice in their learning paths. Allow them to pursue topics of interest and explore different approaches to assignments. This autonomy can enhance motivation, engagement, and creativity.

7. Leveraging Technology: Integrate technology tools and resources that facilitate creative expression, such as multimedia creation, coding, virtual reality, or online collaboration platforms. These tools can empower students to explore new possibilities and engage in innovative ways of learning.

8. Emphasizing Reflection and Feedback: Incorporate regular reflection exercises where students can analyze their own learning process, identify strengths and areas for improvement, and set goals. Provide constructive feedback that encourages students to iterate and refine their creative work.

9. Cultivating an Innovation Mindset: Foster an environment that values risk-taking, resilience, and adaptability. Help students develop an innovation mindset by promoting a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities and experimentation is encouraged.

10. Engaging with the Real World: Connect students with real-world contexts and professionals from various industries. Invite guest speakers, organize field trips, or facilitate internships and partnerships with local organizations. This exposure allows students to see the practical applications of their learning and encourages creative problem-solving.

Remember, transitioning from an analytical education approach to a more creative training environment requires a shift in teaching practices, curriculum design, and assessment methods. It's important to provide ongoing support, resources, and professional development opportunities for educators to effectively implement these changes and create an environment conducive to creativity and innovation." Source: ChatGPT 2023)

Never Stop Learning : "A gift that will always reward you...." Vernon Chalmers

“Optimism is an essential ingredient of innovation. How else can the individual welcome change over security, adventure over staying in safe places?” ― Robert Noyce, Intel

"We are bringing about the next great revolution in the history of mankind - the transition to the electronic age." ― Gordon Moore, Intel

"Not all problems have a technological answer, but when they do, that is the more lasting solution." ― Andy Grove, Intel

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