The Contemporary Principles of Existential Motivation

Art, Literature, and Media Reflect Existential Motivation by Dramatizing Struggles for Authenticity and Meaning

 Introduction

Existential motivation refers to the intrinsic drive within human beings to pursue meaning, authenticity, and purpose in life. Unlike conventional theories of motivation that emphasize behavioral reinforcement (Skinner, 1953), cognitive processes (Deci & Ryan, 1985), or biological imperatives, existential motivation situates itself in the human capacity for self-reflection, freedom, and engagement with the existential givens of life—death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness (Yalom, 1980). In the twenty-first century, the concept of existential motivation has gained renewed attention as individuals face the pressures of modern life, technological acceleration, globalization, and cultural pluralism while simultaneously striving for personal fulfillment and self-actualization (Schneider, 2019).

This essay examines the contemporary principles of existential motivation by exploring their philosophical foundations, psychological developments, and current cultural applications. It argues that authenticity, responsibility, meaning-making, the confrontation with anxiety, transcendence, relationality, and integration remain central principles in the pursuit of motivated, meaningful existence.

1. Philosophical Foundations of Existential Motivation

The existential tradition provides the intellectual groundwork for understanding existential motivation. Kierkegaard (1849/1983) emphasized the role of despair in awakening individuals to the possibility of authentic existence, suggesting that the pursuit of a meaningful life often requires a “leap of faith.” Nietzsche (1883/2005) advanced the idea of will to power, a principle of self-overcoming through value creation, urging individuals to become who they are. Heidegger (1927/1962) explored the concept of being-toward-death, which illuminates the urgency of authentic living. Sartre (1943/1993) declared that humans are “condemned to be free,” emphasizing that individuals cannot escape responsibility for crafting their existence.

Together, these thinkers underscore that existential motivation is not a drive reducible to biological instincts but a uniquely human orientation toward freedom, meaning, and authenticity.

2. Existential Psychology and Motivation

Existential psychology translates these philosophical themes into a psychological framework. Frankl (1946/2006), through the development of logotherapy, posited that the “will to meaning” is the primary motivational force in human life. Based on his Holocaust experiences, Frankl argued that even in conditions of extreme suffering, individuals could endure if they discovered meaning.

Rollo May (1969) extended existential psychology by emphasizing courage and creativity in the face of existential anxiety. Yalom (1980) systematized existential therapy around the four existential givens—death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness—each of which shapes human motivation. Bugental (1965) further highlighted the importance of authenticity and presence in therapeutic practice.

Thus, existential psychology situates motivation not in external outcomes but in the inner drive to live meaningfully, responsibly, and authentically.

3. The Contemporary Context of Existential Motivation

Contemporary society presents new conditions that shape existential motivation:

• Digital Life and Virtual Identity: Social media platforms enable identity construction but often foster alienation, comparison, and inauthenticity (Turkle, 2011). Navigating these pressures requires existential authenticity.

• Global Uncertainty: Climate change, economic instability, and political polarization amplify existential anxiety (Beaumont, 2019). Existential motivation entails resilience in the face of uncertainty.

• Cultural Pluralism: The erosion of traditional narratives forces individuals to construct meaning across diverse worldviews (Taylor, 1989).

• Mental Health Awareness: Rising cases of depression, anxiety, and burnout highlight the insufficiency of materialistic motivation models, emphasizing the importance of existential approaches (Schneider, 2019).

These factors underscore the need for principles that integrate existential motivation with twenty-first-century realities.

4. Contemporary Principles of Existential Motivation 

4.1. Principle of Authenticity

Authenticity involves living in alignment with one’s values and inner convictions rather than succumbing to external pressures. Heidegger (1927/1962) distinguished between authentic and inauthentic modes of existence, while Sartre (1943/1993) warned against bad faith, or self-deception in denying one’s freedom. In modern contexts, authenticity must be negotiated against consumerist pressures and digital performance (Guignon, 2004).

4.2. Principle of Responsibility

Freedom entails responsibility for one’s choices and their consequences. Sartre (1943/1993) argued that individuals are wholly responsible for their existence. Today, responsibility extends beyond individual concerns to social justice, ecological sustainability, and global well-being (Irwin, 2015).

4.3. Principle of Meaning-Making

Frankl (1946/2006) maintained that meaning provides the deepest form of motivation. In pluralistic societies, meaning often emerges from integration of diverse cultural, philosophical, and spiritual sources (Park, 2010).

4.4. Principle of Confronting Anxiety and Uncertainty

Existential anxiety, rather than being purely pathological, can serve as a catalyst for authentic living (May, 1977). Facing mortality, freedom, and uncertainty compels individuals toward deeper engagement with life (Yalom, 1980).

4.5. Principle of Transcendence

Existential motivation often transcends self-interest through creativity, spirituality, or contribution to others. Maslow (1964) proposed that self-actualization culminates in self-transcendence, a principle echoed in contemporary existential psychology (Wong, 2016).

4.6. Principle of Relationality

Existential motivation recognizes the centrality of relationships. Buber (1937/1970) emphasized the “I-Thou” relationship as a mode of authentic encounter. In contemporary life, relational authenticity serves as an antidote to isolation (Yalom, 1980).

4.7. Principle of Integration

Modern identity is often fragmented across roles and cultural influences. Existential motivation requires integrating these dimensions into a coherent life narrative (McAdams & McLean, 2013).

5. Existential Motivation in Therapy and Psychology

Existential therapy emphasizes helping clients face existential givens, embrace freedom, and cultivate authentic meaning (Yalom, 1980). Rather than reducing symptoms alone, therapy fosters existential growth and resilience (van Deurzen, 2012).

Contemporary psychology increasingly integrates existential principles. Positive psychology highlights meaning, purpose, and flourishing as essential to well-being (Seligman, 2011). Coaching and leadership development also employ existential frameworks to encourage authentic, purpose-driven engagement (Schneider, 2019).

6. Existential Motivation in Education and Work

In education, existential motivation fosters critical thinking, self-reflection, and purpose-driven learning (Biesta, 2013). Students are motivated not only by extrinsic rewards but also by the search for relevance and personal significance.

In workplaces, existential motivation surfaces in the desire for meaningful careers, ethical responsibility, and purpose-driven organizations. Research suggests that employees who perceive meaning in their work experience greater engagement and resilience (Rosso et al., 2010).

7. Existential Motivation and Culture

Art, literature, and media reflect existential motivation by dramatizing struggles for authenticity and meaning. From existential novels such as Camus’s The Stranger to contemporary films addressing identity and purpose, cultural artifacts serve as expressions of existential engagement (Cumming, 2013). Music, performance, and visual arts provide avenues for transcendence and meaning-making in a fragmented world.

8. Challenges to Existential Motivation

Existential motivation faces several obstacles:

• Consumerism: Reduces motivation to material acquisition and status (Fromm, 1976).

• Digital Alienation: Online identities risk undermining authentic selfhood (Turkle, 2011).

• Mental Health Struggles: Depression and anxiety often obscure meaning (Schneider, 2019).

• Cultural Fragmentation: Diverse narratives can complicate coherent meaning-making (Taylor, 1989).

Addressing these challenges requires intentional cultivation of existential principles in both personal and societal contexts.

9. Future Directions of Existential Motivation

As humanity faces artificial intelligence, ecological crises, and global interdependence, existential motivation will increasingly emphasize ecological responsibility, digital authenticity, and collective meaning-making. These emerging dimensions reflect the ongoing adaptability of existential principles to new human challenges (Wong, 2020).

Conclusion

The contemporary principles of existential motivation—authenticity, responsibility, meaning-making, confrontation with anxiety, transcendence, relationality, and integration—provide a framework for navigating the uncertainties of modern life. Rooted in existential philosophy and psychology, these principles emphasize that motivation is not simply about achievement or survival but about living authentically and meaningfully.

In a world defined by uncertainty and possibility, existential motivation invites individuals to embrace freedom, cultivate resilience, and participate responsibly in shaping their lives and communities.

References

Beaumont, E. (2019). The existential crisis of our times: Climate change, anxiety, and the search for meaning. Routledge.

Biesta, G. (2013). The beautiful risk of education. Routledge.

Bugental, J. F. T. (1965). The search for authenticity: An existential-analytic approach to psychotherapy. Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

Buber, M. (1970). I and Thou (W. Kaufmann, Trans.). Scribner. (Original work published 1937)

Camus, A. (1991). The stranger (M. Ward, Trans.). Vintage International. (Original work published 1942)

Cumming, N. (2013). The sonic self: Musical subjectivity and signification. Indiana University Press.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer.

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)

Fromm, E. (1976). To have or to be? Harper & Row.

Guignon, C. (2004). On being authentic. Routledge.

Heidegger, M. (1962). Being and time (J. Macquarrie & E. Robinson, Trans.). Harper & Row. (Original work published 1927)

Irwin, T. (2015). The ethics of responsibility: Pluralist thinking for a connected world. Palgrave Macmillan.

Kierkegaard, S. (1983). The sickness unto death (H. V. Hong & E. H. Hong, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1849)

Maslow, A. H. (1964). Religions, values, and peak experiences. Ohio State University Press.

May, R. (1969). Love and will. Norton.

May, R. (1977). The meaning of anxiety (Rev. ed.). Norton.

McAdams, D. P., & McLean, K. C. (2013). Narrative identity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(3), 233–238. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413475622

Nietzsche, F. (2005). Thus spoke Zarathustra (G. Parkes, Trans.). Oxford University Press. (Original work published 1883)

Park, C. L. (2010). Making sense of the meaning literature: An integrative review of meaning making and its effects on adjustment to stressful life events. Psychological Bulletin, 136(2), 257–301. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018301

Rosso, B. D., Dekas, K. H., & Wrzesniewski, A. (2010). On the meaning of work: A theoretical integration and review. Research in Organizational Behavior, 30, 91–127. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.riob.2010.09.001

Sartre, J.-P. (1993). Being and nothingness (H. E. Barnes, Trans.). Washington Square Press. (Original work published 1943)

Schneider, K. J. (2019). The spirituality of awe: Challenges to the robotic revolution. Paragon House.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.

Taylor, C. (1989). Sources of the self: The making of modern identity. Harvard University Press.

Turkle, S. (2011). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. Basic Books.

van Deurzen, E. (2012). Existential counselling and psychotherapy in practice (3rd ed.). Sage.

Wong, P. T. P. (2016). Self-transcendence: A paradoxical way to become your best. International Journal of Existential Psychology & Psychotherapy, 6(1), 1–10.

Wong, P. T. P. (2020). Existential positive psychology and integrative meaning therapy. International Review of Psychiatry, 32(7–8), 565–578. https://doi.org/10.1080/09540261.2020.1814703

Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential psychotherapy. Basic Books

A Contemporary Essay on Sartre and Consciousness

Jean-Paul Sartre and Consciousness 

Introduction

"Jean-Paul Sartre (1905–1980) is widely regarded as one of the most influential philosophers of the twentieth century. As the leading figure of existentialism and phenomenology, Sartre’s philosophical project centered on human freedom, responsibility, and the nature of consciousness. His most extensive treatment of consciousness is found in his monumental work Being and Nothingness (1943/1992), where he draws upon, yet departs significantly from, Edmund Husserl’s phenomenology and Martin Heidegger’s ontology. Sartre’s conception of consciousness is radical, for it strips consciousness of any substantive essence and characterizes it instead as pure nothingness, defined entirely by its intentional relation to the world. This account of consciousness carries profound implications for understanding human subjectivity, self-awareness, freedom, and the burdens of responsibility.

This essay explores Sartre’s theory of consciousness in depth. It begins with the phenomenological foundations of his thought, examining his debt to and critique of Husserl. It then addresses Sartre’s central distinctions between being-in-itself (en-soi) and being-for-itself (pour-soi), as well as the role of negation and nothingness in shaping human experience. The essay will further analyze Sartre’s concept of prereflective and reflective consciousness, the relation of consciousness to freedom, and the complex dynamics of selfhood and the gaze of the Other. Finally, it will assess Sartre’s contribution to philosophy of mind and existential thought, while acknowledging critical perspectives on his account of consciousness.

Phenomenological Foundations

Sartre’s account of consciousness begins with Husserl’s phenomenology, which famously asserts that consciousness is always intentional: it is always consciousness of something (Husserl, 1913/1983). Sartre accepted this principle but radicalized it by rejecting the idea that consciousness requires an ego or substantial self to anchor its experiences. In The Transcendence of the Ego (1936/1991), Sartre argued that the ego is not an internal structure within consciousness but rather a construct that emerges in the world. Consciousness, in its most basic form, is impersonal, self-transcending, and non-substantial.

This early move establishes Sartre’s enduring commitment to viewing consciousness as a nothingness, or “no-thing,” rather than as a substance or entity. In contrast to Descartes’ res cogitans, which treated the mind as a thinking substance, Sartre’s consciousness is a pure openness to the world without an essence. It is transparent and defined entirely through its acts of intending. This radical anti-substantialist stance set the stage for his existential ontology.

Being-in-Itself and Being-for-Itself

One of Sartre’s most influential contributions to existential philosophy is his distinction between being-in-itself (en-soi) and being-for-itself (pour-soi) (Sartre, 1943/1992). Being-in-itself refers to the mode of being of objects in the world. It is solid, self-identical, complete, and without the capacity to transcend itself. A stone, for example, simply is what it is: full, inert, and devoid of inner negation.

By contrast, being-for-itself describes consciousness. Consciousness is never simply identical with itself; it exists as a constant process of self-transcendence, a nothingness that distances itself from what it is and projects itself toward possibilities. The being-for-itself is characterized by lack: it is never fully coincident with itself, for it is always defined by what it is not yet. Sartre (1943/1992) describes this as the “being which is what it is not, and is not what it is” (p. 100). This paradoxical formulation captures the dynamic and open-ended structure of consciousness.

The duality between being-in-itself and being-for-itself introduces the central role of negation in Sartre’s ontology. Consciousness, unlike inert being, is marked by its ability to negate, to introduce absence into being, and thereby to transcend the given. This capacity for negation forms the core of human freedom.

Consciousness as Nothingness

For Sartre, consciousness is nothingness. This provocative claim is not nihilistic but descriptive of consciousness’s structure. Consciousness is not a thing but a relation: it is defined by its intentional directedness beyond itself. Consciousness does not contain its own essence but perpetually escapes it, rendering it indeterminate and open.

Negation provides the key to understanding this nothingness. In everyday experience, consciousness is capable of recognizing what is not there—an absent friend at a café, for example. Such recognition presupposes that consciousness can create nothingness within being. It is not merely receptive but actively introduces lack into reality (Catalano, 1985). This capacity for negation distinguishes human existence from the brute positivity of objects.

Nothingness also explains the perpetual instability of human identity. Consciousness is never fully identical to itself because it is always transcending toward what it is not. The human being exists as a project, perpetually defining itself by its possibilities rather than by any fixed essence. This view resonates with Sartre’s existentialist maxim that “existence precedes essence” (Sartre, 1946/2007).

Prereflective and Reflective Consciousness

Sartre distinguishes between two modes of consciousness: prereflective and reflective. Prereflective consciousness refers to the immediate, non-thematic awareness that accompanies all experience. For example, when reading a book, one is prereflectively aware of oneself as the reader, without needing to turn attention explicitly toward oneself. This prereflective self-awareness is fundamental, for it means that consciousness is always self-aware in a minimal, non-objectifying way (Zahavi, 1999).

Reflective consciousness, by contrast, occurs when consciousness takes itself explicitly as its object. In reflection, one directs attention back upon one’s own mental states, transforming them into thematic objects. Reflection introduces a certain distance and makes the self appear as an object within consciousness.

The key point is that self-awareness does not arise from reflection but is intrinsic to consciousness itself at the prereflective level. This idea counters traditional Cartesian dualism, which assumed that self-awareness required reflective thought. Sartre instead holds that consciousness is self-luminous and self-present, even prior to reflection.

Consciousness and Freedom

Sartre’s theory of consciousness culminates in his doctrine of radical freedom. Because consciousness is nothingness, it is not bound by a fixed essence or determined by external causes. Each individual is condemned to freedom—that is, compelled to make choices and define themselves through action (Sartre, 1943/1992).

Freedom follows from the fact that consciousness is never coincident with itself but always projecting toward possibilities. A person is not identical with their facticity—the given conditions of their life, such as their past, their body, or their social situation—but must continually transcend facticity by choosing what meaning to give it. This condition is both liberating and burdensome, for it places absolute responsibility on the individual.

Sartre dramatizes this in his famous examples. A café waiter may conform to his social role so rigidly that he denies his freedom by identifying wholly with it. Sartre calls this bad faith (mauvaise foi), the attempt to flee from the nothingness of consciousness by pretending to be a fixed essence. Yet even bad faith testifies to freedom, for it requires the choice to deny one’s own freedom.

Thus, Sartre’s conception of consciousness as nothingness grounds his existential humanism. Humans are perpetually self-transcending beings who must invent their essence through free projects.

The Other and the Gaze

Another crucial dimension of Sartre’s theory of consciousness is its relation to others. Consciousness, while radically free, is never solitary; it encounters other consciousnesses in the social world. In Being and Nothingness, Sartre explores this through his famous analysis of “the Look” (le regard).

When one becomes aware of being seen by another, one experiences oneself as an object for the other’s consciousness. This encounter disrupts the pure freedom of being-for-itself by introducing alienation and objectification (Sartre, 1943/1992). For example, if I am caught peeking through a keyhole, I suddenly become aware of myself as “looked-at,” defined from the outside. The Other’s gaze transforms my experience of myself, revealing the inescapable intersubjective dimension of consciousness.

This analysis highlights the tension between freedom and facticity in human relations. Consciousness seeks to assert its freedom but is simultaneously subjected to the objectifying power of others. Sartre’s later work, particularly Critique of Dialectical Reason (1960/2004), would attempt to address these social and historical dimensions more systematically.

Consciousness and Selfhood

Given Sartre’s rejection of the ego as an internal structure of consciousness, his view of selfhood is highly dynamic. The self is not a fixed entity but a project constructed over time through choices. Identity is never given but is continually constituted through acts of consciousness.

This projective nature of selfhood aligns with Sartre’s broader existential themes. To be human is to be perpetually “ahead of oneself,” striving toward possibilities that define who one is. However, because consciousness is nothingness, the self is never complete or fully self-identical. Sartre thus offers a non-essentialist theory of personal identity, one that emphasizes temporality, freedom, and responsibility.

Critiques of Sartre’s Conception of Consciousness

While Sartre’s account of consciousness has been highly influential, it has also faced criticism. Some have argued that his radical emphasis on freedom overlooks the weight of social, cultural, and psychological determinants of human behavior (Merleau-Ponty, 1945/2012). Others contend that his view of consciousness as pure nothingness is overly abstract and neglects the embodied character of experience (Gallagher & Zahavi, 2012).

From a contemporary perspective, philosophers of mind and cognitive scientists might challenge Sartre’s dismissal of the ego and question whether prereflective self-awareness adequately explains the complexities of self-consciousness. Nonetheless, Sartre’s phenomenological descriptions continue to inspire debates about intentionality, subjectivity, and the role of negation in human experience.

Sartre’s Legacy in Philosophy of Consciousness

Despite critiques, Sartre’s analysis remains a landmark in the philosophy of consciousness. His insights into prereflective self-awareness anticipate contemporary discussions in phenomenology and cognitive science (Zahavi, 2005). His exploration of the gaze continues to influence existential psychology, feminist theory, and poststructuralist accounts of subjectivity. Moreover, his insistence on the inseparability of consciousness and freedom ensures that his work resonates with ethical and political debates about responsibility and agency.

Sartre’s conception of consciousness underscores the human condition as one of perpetual openness, indeterminacy, and responsibility. Far from being a static entity, consciousness is a dynamic nothingness that constitutes the horizon of human freedom.

Conclusion

Jean-Paul Sartre’s philosophy of consciousness is one of the most original and provocative contributions to twentieth-century thought. Drawing from but transforming Husserl’s phenomenology, Sartre defined consciousness as nothingness, a pure openness characterized by negation, self-transcendence, and freedom. His distinctions between prereflective and reflective consciousness, being-in-itself and being-for-itself, and the dynamics of the gaze reveal the depth and complexity of human subjectivity.

For Sartre, consciousness is not a thing to be explained by metaphysical categories but the very activity of self-transcendence and world-engagement. It grounds the existential reality that humans are condemned to freedom, perpetually responsible for inventing themselves. While his account has drawn criticism for its abstraction and its underemphasis on embodiment and social context, Sartre’s vision of consciousness as a nothingness that makes freedom possible continues to challenge and inspire philosophical reflection." (Source: ChatGPT 2025)

References

Catalano, J. S. (1985). A commentary on Jean-Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. University of Chicago Press.

Gallagher, S., & Zahavi, D. (2012). The phenomenological mind (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Husserl, E. (1983). Ideas pertaining to a pure phenomenology and to a phenomenological philosophy: First book (F. Kersten, Trans.). Springer. (Original work published 1913)

Merleau-Ponty, M. (2012). Phenomenology of perception (D. A. Landes, Trans.). Routledge. (Original work published 1945)

Sartre, J.-P. (1991). The transcendence of the ego: An existentialist theory of consciousness (F. Williams & R. Kirkpatrick, Trans.). Hill and Wang. (Original work published 1936)

Sartre, J.-P. (1992). Being and nothingness (H. E. Barnes, Trans.). Washington Square Press. (Original work published 1943)

Sartre, J.-P. (2004). Critique of dialectical reason (A. Sheridan-Smith, Trans.). Verso. (Original work published 1960)

Sartre, J.-P. (2007). Existentialism is a humanism (C. Macomber, Trans.). Yale University Press. (Original work published 1946)

Zahavi, D. (1999). Self-awareness and alterity: A phenomenological investigation. Northwestern University Press.

Zahavi, D. (2005). Subjectivity and selfhood: Investigating the first-person perspective. MIT Press.

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20 Relationship Red Flags Unfortunately Ignored for Months

Red Flag Antisocial Behavior Awareness and Manifestations

Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Developing Close Relationship

"The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart."— April Mae Monterrosa

“You will never know how damaged a person is until you try to love them.” — Anonymous

Common and Perpetual Relationship Red Flags

Relationship Red Flag Behavior Warning Signs

Relationship Red Flag Behavior could be Permanent Behavior

20 Red Flag Behavior / Relationship Conclusions

For months (during 2019 / 2020) I was witness to / and on the receiving end of the most abusive and antisocial relationship behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unprovoked abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis.

I observed many of her communication and behaviour patterns as potential red flags early on in the relationship (even before our lockdown), but foolishly ignored most of them. It was only when her threatening behaviour escalated into physical assault, violence and perpetual verbal abuse that I realised the seriousness of the situation. It wasn't an easy decision, but after this realisation (and the fact that her behaviour against me could deteriorate further) I took the necessary action to withdraw from the toxic relationship.

From red flag incidents to serious antisocial behaviour manifestations
I will briefly describe twenty of the most profound red flag incidents that occurred during the course of the relationship. This will be followed by associating the incidents with specific irrational behavioural manifestations / characteristics - as perceived and identified by me during an approximately nine-month period.

Red Flag behaviour / incidents that had the biggest impact on me (and the relationship):

• She was rarely ever on time when she visited my apartment. To be more than an hour late sometimes is no exaggeration. I phoned her once after she did not arrive for more than three hours - she merely told me she forgot (and this was while she was in my area on business prior to our confirmed appointment).

• I lived like a guest in her apartment. In the three to four months I lived with her she never made me feel at home and / or offered me any shelf space for my clothing. I changed clothes out of my bags in the lounge (mornings and nights). She never discussed this with me other than to tell me there is no space for most of my belongings.

• She never offered to wash my clothing during the entire lockdown period, but she would do hers once a week. During a four month period I asked her twice - which she then did. The rest of the time I made alternative arrangements.

• I was never thanked for anything I did or purchased. She showed no gratitude whatsoever. Not for food, flowers, gifts, weekends away etc. - I was never thanked for any of my efforts and / or any payments for whatever she / we needed.

• From very early on in the relationship I was asked when are we getting married. I was flattered the first time she asked, but felt uneasy with frequent reminders (as I was learning the rest of her red flag behaviour).

• A few months into the relationship (as I was about to discuss my concerns about her behaviour) I was told the food that I purchased / cooked for us made her fat. This after she selected most of the shopping herself. For this I chased her out of my apartment - of which I immediately aplogised the next day. She never apologised for her inconsiderate comment or behaviour ever.

• She told me in the beginning of the relationship of a previous boyfriend taking over in her kitchen. Well, after a few months, she bestowed exactly the same fate upon me. This after I tiptoed 'on egg shells' in her kitchen (and never really taken any initiative unless we were cooking together).

• My text messages to her were regularly misinterpreted and / or treated with cold disdain. It was almost if any written communication / text messages were perceived as negative communication (or she had little interest reading them in full). Many of my messages were left unanswered.

• I was never trusted with assisting her. She would ask for my assistance with many (financial) projects, but when it came time to assist her she would postpone /or just forget about it. She was very quick to accept any monetary assistance (which I offered through a CFD trading portfolio I created for her). I was never thanked for any profit generated or for the subsequent transfers into her bank account.

• She told me one morning she felt like a second-class citizen living in her own apartment with me there. A the time I did not say anything, but I was rather disappointed and taken aback by her comment.

• I was accused early into the relationship that I do not see / responded to her crying (one evening). The more I apologised (over many weeks) that I did not see or heard it, the more she was of opinion that I was lying. Enforced gaslighting in my opinion.

• I was threatened with her chef's knife (with the words - 'I will kill you') after she lost a few games of chess against me one evening. The verbal abuse that followed scared me more. I was shocked to the core - this was the first incident of a serious threat and verbal abuse, but unfortunatly not the last.

• I was physically assaulted one evening for switching off the television (without her even watching). I was punched, kicked and my shirt ripped from my body. A large chocolate Easter bunny was bashed over my head while I was grabbing my bags to go home. Even then I was still determined to make the relationship work. How naïve of me...

• She was verbally abusive on many occasions. Mostly over the telephone and it escalated to weekly episodes towards the end of the relationship. It was so bad at times that I had to switch my phone off.

• She never apologized for anything. She even sent me a follow-up message to remind me that I deserved to be assaulted by her - referring to the physical assault and Easter bunny incident. No remorse or compassion were ever shown towards me.

• I have never met a more obtuse racist in my life. Needless to say that I have never witnessed bigotry of this nature from anyone in any personal, social or business relationship before. I was concerned with her blatant racist name calling and belittling (of anyone from a different race) from very early in the relationship.

• Her frequent (and vulgar) swearing made me cringe at times. She would swear at her mother (over the phone) when she did not get her way. It did not take her very long to engage with me in exactly the same tone of verbal abuse (and swearing) as she did towards her mother.

• Asked me to hide (or leave) for three hours when a male friend was about to visit her one weekend. I was very upset about this. Apart from her mother and brothers (and one friend) she did not introduce me to anybody else in her life - not even to one of her employees when we visited her clothing boutique one afternoon.

• On occasion I did nor respond to her threatening text messages and she phoned my sister to inform her in no uncertain terms that she wants to kill me. My sister put the phone down after getting verbally abused by her, but phoned her back a while later to engage in a normal discussion.

• Bad-mouthing of a previous boyfriend over and over again. In the beginning of the relationship I believed her, now I know he must have gone through the same patterns / red flags as me. Today I am probably as bad a statistic as him (and possibly others) when measured against her more than likely psychopathological mindset.

Classic Antisocial Behaviour Characteristics identified from my Red Flag list:

Aggressive Disposition 𐐭 Antagonism 𐐭 Anger
Callousness 𐐭 Controlling Nature 𐐭 Disrespectful
Emotionally Unavailable 𐐭 Excessive Swearing
False Sense of Entitlement 𐐭 Grandiose Delusions
Inconsiderate Behavior 𐐭 Lack of Trust 𐐭 Poor Confidence
Lack of Hospitality 𐐭 Lack of Self-Awareness 𐐭 Unequal Effort
No Empathy 𐐭 No Compassion 𐐭 No Gratitude
No Remorse 𐐭 Physical Assault 𐐭 Poor Communication
Poor Decision-Making 𐐭 Poor Financial Planning
Chronic Lateness 𐐭 Racism 𐐭 Rage 𐐭 Gaslighting
Negative Score Keeping 𐐭 Self-Centered 𐐭 Emotional Projection
Selfishness 𐐭 Verbal Abusive 𐐭 Domestic Violence
Self-Absorbed 𐐭 False Sense of Self (Environment)

Hare Psychopathy Checklist Correlation
My 'Antisocial Behavioural List' is not necessarily aligned with the relatively well-known 'Hare Psychopathy Checklist' developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The 'red flag' characteristics as described by me where experienced from an intermittent behavioural perspective that manifested a definite pervasive pattern over time. The 'Antisocial Behaviour Characteristics' as experienced by me correlates significantly with some of Hare's psychopathy behaviour descriptions. However, there are many antisocial behavioural criteria described by Hare that had no association during my own 'red flag' behavioural observations and / or personal conclusions (from an antisocial and contentious partner).

Relationship Antisocial Behavior Manifestations

DSM-5-TR Antisocial Behavior Criteria
What made me really think (after the relationship) from a more contemporary research perspective and / or possible origin of many 'universal relationship red flags' are the various well-defined antisocial behaviour symptoms as published by the American Psychiatric Association in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the DSM-5-TR (2020). Read more about the (diagnostic) criteria with reference to antisocial behaviour as published in a DSM-referenced article by the NIH / National Library of Medicine (Kristy A. Fisher; Tyler J. Torrico; Manassa Hany. U.S. Feb. 2024). There may be various reasons for someone displaying 'red flags' at the start or during a (personal) relationship, but it is worth having a look at the above NIH article in gaining a more coherent understanding of antisocial behaviour that could (also) be experienced as 'relationship red flags'.

Despite the waving red flags...

There were various other intermittent behaviour unpleasantries, but less obvious 'red flag' incidents. The covert warnings signs were omnipresent, like tiny flashing needles, slowly weaving disturbing patterns into an unhealthy codependent relationship tapestry - from the first day I met her until literally the cathartic final week. I still wonder many times why I did not leave earlier. There were many days when I knew I had enough, but still decided to stay. I really believed, against my own better judgement, that we could have worked things out. I wanted this particular relationship to be normal for both of us - with mutual love, trust and respect. Unfortunately, I knew from early on that she would not or could not be that special person to spend the rest of my life with.

Distorted sense of self
She did not see anything wrong from her side of the relationship. She kept on lecturing me / reminding me ever so often about all the so-called things I did wrong - to the extent that I asked her if she kept an Excel spreadsheet for scoring / updating my (poor) behaviour and judgements. An important note here is that her 'lecturing' always occurred when I wanted to discuss the state of the relationship. Towards the end she gave me one opportunity for discussing the relationship without interrupting me - and that was the unfortunate moment I realised that 'the lights were on, but no-one's home'.

Antisocial behaviour concern
One of my major concerns was her relentless lack of empathy, gratitude, guilt and remorse during the relationship. The growing awareness of these chronic rudimental behaviour deficiencies manifested to such an extend inside me that I started questioning my own sanity to ever 'live up to her standards and / or perfectionism'. It was only settled within me after I took a step back and rationally assessed her overall behavioral disposition on my own / and with the guidance of one of my professional mental health / life coach friends. My friend's honesty stung at first, but it was exactly the objective re-assurance I needed to hear that I am involved in a (codependent) relationship with someone displaying frequent narcissistic and antisocial behaviour tendencies.

'Justification' for abusive behaviour
Towards the end of the relationship I received a text message to let me know that I deserved to be attacked by her - referring to the insident where she hit me over the head. Probably her own callous 'justification' that she did the right thing. I did not respond. A while later I received a second message inviting me to have lunch with her the following day. I responded more than 24 hours later to let her know that due to her first message lunch would never have been an option. This was perhaps the final straw that broke the camel's back. It was the first time that I enforced a boundary for not accepting an invitation and / or meeting with her.

False Sense of Entitlement 

Reflecting on the troublesome relationship
In hindsight it is easy to say I could have handled the relationship / her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour towards me differently. I wish I could, but at the time things were moving so quickly and for what it's worth I had some of the best times of my life as well with her. Reflecting on the relationship red flags / other disparities I have identified my own interpersonal relationship challenges with regard to my cognitive dissonance and my relationship codependency shortcomings. Working towards a healthier interpersonal and relationship boundary framework is one of my first behavioral goals for creating a more confident approach towards other / future relationships.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Existential Motivation (20 Relationship Red Flags)

"Vernon Chalmers has written extensively about relationship red flags on his “Mental Health and Motivation” website. He shares his personal experiences and insights to help others recognize and address these warning signs early on.

In his article titled “20 Relationship Red Flags Unfortunately Ignored for Months,” he outlines several key red flags, including:

• Lack of Gratitude: He noticed that his partner rarely thanked him for anything he did or purchased, which was a significant red flag.

• Inconsistent Behavior: His partner was often late for appointments and sometimes forgot about them entirely.

• Lack of Consideration: During the time he lived with his partner, she never made him feel at home or offered him space for his belongings.

• Unprovoked Abusive Behavior: He experienced regular unprovoked abusive behavior, which escalated to physical assault and perpetual verbal abuse 1.

Chalmers emphasizes the importance of not ignoring these red flags, as they can indicate deeper issues in the relationship. Recognizing and addressing these signs early can help prevent further emotional and physical harm." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

Identifying Red Flags in a Relationship (normally within the first few weeks / months)

"Identifying red flags in a relationship is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Here are some common red flags to be aware of:

• Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to control who you see, what you do, or how you spend your time, it can be a sign of deeper issues.

• Lack of Respect: Disrespect can manifest in many ways, such as belittling comments, ignoring boundaries, or dismissing your feelings.

• Dishonesty: Frequent lying or hiding things from you can erode trust and create a toxic environment.

• Emotional or Physical Abuse: Any form of abuse, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a major red flag and should not be tolerated.

• Love Bombing: Over-the-top gestures and excessive attention early in the relationship can sometimes be a tactic to manipulate and control later on .

• Lack of Communication: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts, which can strain the relationship.

• Jealousy and Possessiveness: While some jealousy is normal, excessive jealousy and possessiveness can indicate insecurity and lead to controlling behavior.

• Substance Abuse: Issues with drugs or alcohol can significantly impact the health and stability of a relationship.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to address them early on." (Source: Microsoft Copilot)

About and Disclaimer

Playing Chess and Anger

Relationship Red Flag Resources

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship

Relationship Abuse Recovery Article Index

Abuse Symptoms, Psychopathology, Domestic Violence and Trauma

Personal Struggle and Recovery from Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”― Jeanne McElvaney

“Walking away from someone you love is not an immoral thing. If that person isn’t good for your wellbeing in any way, it’s important to step away from that relationship.”― Arien Smith

Personal Mental Health Journal. Road to Recovery from Abuse...

"This index includes articles on abuse symptoms, domestic violence, trauma, and personal recovery stories. It covers various aspects of abuse recovery, such as recognizing abuse symptoms, dealing with trauma, and the process of healing and rebuilding after an abusive relationship" (Microsoft Copilot)

Abuse Recovery Articles : Vernon Chalmers Recovery Narrative

• In the Absence of Gratitude...
• Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
• Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
• 20 Relationship Red Flags unfortunately Ignored for Months
• The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
• Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
• Thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
• Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss
• Restoring a Sense of Calm after an Abusive Relationship
• From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
• My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
• Emotional Self-Healing Q&A
• Concluding Remarks

Relationship Abuse Recovery by Vernon Chalmers

Index

The listed Article Index is an essential contribution to the Vernon Chalmers Portfolio of Choice therapeutic journaling narrative that I created for assisting me in overcoming the abuse, domestic violence and associated trauma I was subjected to during and after an abusive relationship that ended in August 2020. The last article 'Concluding Remarks' is the final article in completing my abuse recovery journey.

My Portfolio of Choice online article collection is testimony to the healing power of knowledge, time and writing as therapeutic guidance to overcome, accept and heal from one of the biggest disappointments of my life. Read more Healing Process After an Abusive Relationship >>

In the Absence of Gratitude...
During the infatuation stage of the relationship it never occurred to me that I was never thanked for anything. It was only while living with her full time (in a routine environment) that this behaviour of ingratitude was overtly manifesting itself. Over the short term this behaviour from her was repeated ever so often and I felt the need to address this delicate issue. Read more >>

Abusive and Violent Behaviour Against Me
When the first verbal and physical threats occurred about four months into the relationship I was overwhelmed with my ex-girlfriend's threatening and aggressive behaviour towards me. I was oblivious to the fact that she was capable of this aggressive behaviour (although at that stage I was well aware of her at-times callous and self-centred nature). Read more >>

Abuse, Domestic Violence and Trauma
Through reading, sheer determination and my support system (of family and friends) the benefit of time slowly turned the infinite upside-down puzzle pieces around in my mind. Its only lately that I'm able see a more integrated and complete picture - a clear vision of what life should be without the toxicity of abuse and domestic violence. Read more >>

20 Relationship Red Flags Unfortunately Ignored for Months
For months I was witness to / and on the receiving end of the most abusive and antisocial human behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unacceptable and abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis. Read more >>

The Challenge of Cognitive Dissonance
During the past year I referred to Cognitive Dissonance in several of my articles and Facebook comments. Now, in the final stretch and conclusion of my own ‘healing journey’, herewith an explanation, own interpretation and personal experience on how cognitive dissonance can sometimes cause incessant confusion, uncertainty and disparity in our minds. Read more >>

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship
I have always considered empathy and gratitude as important personal / relationship qualities - its only now that I truly understand the impact and consequences when these emotional values are vaguely selective or completely absent from someone's Emotional Intelligence repertoire. The words 'thank you' became the most important words in my vocabulary over the past year. Read more >>

My Thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief
The Mental Health and Motivation journaling has assisted me in many ways for coming to terms with the two significant personal losses I have experienced during 2020 / 2021 - my girlfriend at the time and my friend, Joseph Inns. The second loss of Joseph was the most poignant. The writing and publication on this public domain also provided definite content, context... Read more >>

Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss
Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of my grief I find myself thinking less and less of this specific grief (and person). The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief and loss made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focussing on the daily awareness of here and now... Read more >>

Restoring a Sense of Calm after an Abusive Relationship
It took more than two years to fully comprehend and finally accept that this period in my life was a steep and important learning curve in gaining a better understanding of the destructive behaviour against me. One of the biggest achievements was the much needed insight into my own emotional vulnerability in dealing with (any) abusive behaviour against me and how it should be handled in future. Read more >>

From Therapeutic Journaling to Online Publishing
I have had an interest in the theory and application of mental health, psychology and motivation as a human resources and management science student (and lecturer later) in subjects such as organisational psychology, sociology and human resources / business management. Little did I know that years later I would have my own private domain for publicly sharing my life experiences and resources with so many others. Read more >>

My Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
In the aftermath of the relationship I struggled to come to terms with the grandiose disdain shown for any contributions of compassion and goodwill I effortlessly offered during the relationship. I questioned my empathetic vulnerabilities, my own identity and core values that could possibly have 'justified' the abuse against me. It took more than a year of soul searching, research and the passing of significant time for creating the inner peace to complete the recovery puzzle. Read more >>

Emotional Self-Healing Progress: Question and Answer
There were many different answers; the metacognitive self-awareness of the healing journey, acknowledgement of behaviour change(s), personal growth and acceptance were most often cited as some of the common denominators in someone's own healing progress identification and tracking, but there is only one person that will be able answer this question (from above context) and it is the person who asked the question... Read more >>

Concluding Remarks after my Abuse Recovery
I am humbled by the efforts of thousands of wonderful and caring people associated with the broad international mental health support community for their continuous (and in many cases priceless) contributions, research (and / or interventions) for assisting anyone diagnosed (or who is struggling) with any kind of mental discomfort. Read more >>

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Existential Motivation (Domestic Violence and Trauma)

"Vernon Chalmers has shared his personal journey of recovering from relationship abuse on his website, “Mental Health and Motivation.” His articles cover various aspects of abuse recovery, including recognizing abuse symptoms, dealing with domestic violence and trauma, and the process of healing and rebuilding after an abusive relationship .

One of his key messages is the importance of acknowledging and sharing one’s experiences to help others feel less alone. He emphasizes the power of therapeutic journaling and writing as tools for overcoming trauma and finding a path to recovery." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

An Analysis of Vernon Chalmers' Personal Experiences and Writings on Abuse

Abuse and Domestic Violence: 'Result from Playing Chess'

Abuse Recovery - According to ChatGPT

Abuse and Domestic Violence Articles

Abuse and Domestic Violence Books

What Are Signs of Narcissism Easy to Miss?

Mental Health Quotes by Vernon Chalmers

About and Disclaimer

Mental Health Quotes by Vernon Chalmers

Vernon Chalmers Existential Learning / Personal Mental Health Quotes

Recovering from Relationship Abuse and Domestic Violence Quotes

- Checkmate -

“Winning a few games of chess became one of the most miserable events of my life... I was oblivious to the fact that a few friendly checkmates could result in exposing a slumbering narcissistic wound.” ― Vernon Chalmers

- Abuse and Disrespect -

"For any man who is being emotionally, physically, verbally and / or sexuality abused by a woman (in any intimate relationship) it is not a shame, but rather the disrespect and violation of the man's body, character, integrity and values. Never retaliate with force, but rather end the relationship as soon as possible. Physical assault (even) by a significant other is a criminal offence - treat it as such! I wish I did at the time." — Vernon Chalmers

- Power of the Pawn -

“The Power of the Pawn – at the start of a game of chess it may just be able to move one or two vacant square(s) directly forward, but with patience and strategy it can topple the fast and nimble opposite Queen - and even trap her King. Checkmate! It was part and parcel the story of my narcissistic abuse until I was able to remove the 'Queen of Grandiosity' from my existence. Relationships should never be about a game of 'Kings and Queens' or 'Winning or Losing', but a Reality of Mutual Respect, Trust and Gratitude…” — Vernon Chalmers

- Lack of Gratitude -

"I was exposed to a serious lack of gratitude, witnessed through a vivacious self-entitled attitude, during a relatively short, but important personal relationship. At the time I did not fully comprehend why some people cannot say 'thank you', but since then learned the behavioural pathology of why displaying any form of gratitude is so excruciating for them. Daily gratitude is one of the most valuable characteristics we should apply to whoever contributes whatever meaningful to our lives - irrespective of the magnitude of the deed." — Vernon Chalmers

- Relationship Red Flags -

"The covert warnings signs were omnipresent, like tiny flashing needles, slowly weaving disturbing patterns into an unhealthy codependent relationship tapestry - from the first day I met her until literally the cathartic final week. I still wonder many times why I did not leave earlier. There were many days when I knew I had enough, but still decided to stay. I really believed, against my own better judgement, that we could have worked things out."— Vernon Chalmers

- Letting Go -

"Letting go of this transactional and abusive relationship was not an achievement as such, but rather the acceptance of ending a dramatic trauma bond that had the toxic behaviour dynamics to cause severe (and possibly long-term) negative consequences. I was unfortunatly enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with someone who was emotionally stunted in the ability to trust, love and / or respect others as part of the reciprocal values required for an emotionally stable relationship." — Vernon Chalmers

- Impaired Decision-Making -

"It does not mean someone with impaired decision-making should be excused - it means that the 'normal' individual in relation to them should be mindful that there are indeed real reasons why impaired decision-makers make their 'as is' decisions without rational conscience, responsibility and or perpetual lack of gratitude / remorse. You may find these individuals make (important) decisions out of anger, anxiety, fear, lack of confidence, sarcasm and / or identity deficiency - as projection for shielding a weak sense of self." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Towards a Fear of Failure -

‘The cognitive sense of reasoning is more often than not overwhelmed and lost by perpetual emotional projection and / or self-doubt when distracted by life’s many inherent moments of the unknown.’ — Vernon Chalmers

- Self-Development and Research -

"The 'Mental Health and Motivation’ self-development and research journey manifests a renewed awareness of patience, presence and purpose - not just in learning more about the (humanistic) existential self, but also gaining a metacognitive understanding of our neuropsychological functioning that inevitably shapes behaviour choices - in any given moment or situation (in relation to self and others) - and that any of these choices can be changed if desired." — Vernon Chalmers

- Fascinating Mental Health and Motivation Journey -

"The Mental Health and Motivation website is now well beyond the scope of my psychology research interests. Indeed a fascinating journey of learning more about the application of the human mind and subsequent behaviour (choices)." — Vernon Chalmers

- Abusive and Violent Behaviour -

"The insight gained assisted me for coming to terms with the possible stimulus and response(s) why someone would be so ferociously induced by their shameless brutality of abusive and violent behaviour for demanding attention, maintaining control, staying relevant, overcoming disappointment and / or satisfying delusions of grandeur." — Vernon Chalmers

- Determination -

"Through reading, sheer determination and my support system (of family and friends) the benefit of time slowly turned the infinite upside-down puzzle, piece by piece, around in my mind. Its only lately that I'm able see a more integrated and complete picture - a clear vision of what life should be without the toxicity of abuse and domestic violence." — Vernon Chalmers

- Acceptance -

"Acceptance is an essential realisation of being at peace with the true self - the same self that was once simultaneously immersed in the cognitive dissonance of loving and the fear of leaving someone that neither respected nor trusted my integrity, goodwill and / or values." — Vernon Chalmers

- Cognitive Defusion -

"Gaining a deeper understanding of cognitive dissonance assisted me in acquiring valuable insight, conditioning and application of cognitive defusion. Through healthy cognitive (self) reasoning and associated evaluation / action processes I have learned to untangle the perpetual thoughts of someone else's narcissistic and antisocial persona." — Vernon Chalmers

- Self-Preservation -

"The essence of self-preservation were the months that I had to visit the darkened soul, with no torch to search / no artificial light to face the ultimate bedrock of sheer vulnerability. It was deep down to unconditionally learn more about the rawness of a dejected self - in honesty and fairness of who I was, want to be, will be, can / could be... without judgement, prejudice and / or fear." — Vernon Chalmers

- Patience, Presence and Purpose -

"Becoming a mental health advocate provided me with a more coherent understanding of patience, presence and purpose. The added value of a re-defined vision, perceptual conditioning and unbiased decision-making perspectives enabled a definite advantage of an existential awakening through sense of self and interaction with others." — Vernon Chalmers

- Grief Awareness -

"Having accepted the undercurrent ebb and flow presence of this grief I find myself thinking less and less of this horrific period and person. The ever-consuming dark thoughts of grief (and loss) made way for more coherent thinking and mindful living of being in the moment - focusing on the daily awareness of the here and now... It took time, introspection, reflection and soul searching to finally arrive at the other side of this profound and self-enriching journey." ― Vernon Chalmers

- The Authentic Self -

"The authentic self should always emerge, if allowed... not in relation to others first, but to the self first - others will be regular beneficiaries from this existential exposé" ― Vernon Chalmers

- Emotional Self-Healing -

"Some may never (want to) know, others are determined that within the desire to achieve certain behaviour changes that their healing journeys will add more awareness, acceptance and subsequently, self-enrichment - all of which will be processed differently through different individuals (with / or without the professional intervention of a mental health care practitioner)." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Emotional Detachment -

"The processing, letting go and healing from an abusive / toxic relationship is an emotionally challenging detachment, especially without (proper) closure. It required a conscientious effort of personal introspection, own behaviour modification, resilience, forgiveness and acceptance to move beyond the realms of just accepting someone else's (false) sense of entitlement, lack of respect and incessant aggressive behaviour tendencies." — Vernon Chalmers

- Portfolio of Choice -

"Knowledge, time, trust and journaling turned into a conscientious Portfolio of Choice. Writing and reading my own state of mind became my daily therapy." — Vernon Chalmers

- To See the Light -

"I cried for the insight to seek, find and see the light where the darkness of my soul once relentlessly obscured the intrinsic value and meaning of life." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Light, Patience and Gratitude -

"Joseph taught me to see the light, he taught me composition, but above all, he taught me patience… with dignity and sincere gratitude." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Neuroscience and Human Behaviour -

"With a personal interest in education, training and psychology I have found contemporary neuroscience as a fundamental physiological requirement for gaining more insight into cognitive vs. emotional decision-making biases and subsequent behavioural responses. Learning more about human brain asymmetry and lateralisation and how the limbic system controls our cognition, motivation, emotions and stress reactions etc. are indeed fascinating, but also serves as important (personal) guidance in understanding more about human behaviour challenges / development." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Phenomenality of Self Awakening -

"During the past two years I processed one of the most disappointing experiences of my life - facing and healing from extreme pathological behaviour from the person I once cared for the most. The subsequent journey to accept that I cannot take responsibility for someone else's abuse towards me that manifested through the inhumane disrespect of perpetual infringements of my expectations, norms, values, safety and quality of life. The renewed awakening of what humanity should be (in learning from its absence) is indeed a gift that keeps on giving..." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Trusting Nature for Emotional Wellbeing -

"The natural environment spectrum is broad - from extreme wildlife to the smallest microplant - and there is a therapeutic contribution / connection anywhere along this fascinating natural continuum (but, only if there is sufficient awareness, application and trust in the healing benefit(s) of self-sustainable 'nature-connectedness' from the observer)." – Vernon Chalmers

- Perfectionism -

"There are no perfect outcome(s) because every person think differently and it is quite normal to expect that people will differ in their appreciation / assessment / executions of their tasks." – Vernon Chalmers

- Continuous Learning -

"Never stop learning, it is a gift that will always reward you..." – Vernon Chalmers

- Human Perception Through the Viewfinder -

"Human perception / perspective through the viewfinder is more important (to me) than the science / technology in my hands. Nature provides the consequential value and satisfaction..." ― Vernon Chalmers

- Authenticity of Natural Growth -

“Light nurtures growth... the random darkness contributing to the synthesis of elevating the essence of framing a blooming moment of infinite authenticity.” – Vernon Chalmers

- Opportunity of Any Compelling Exposure -

I am inherently drawn to the moody opportunity of any compelling exposure in the darkness of light. The solitude in fortuitous planning and anticipation is met with a profound sense of excitement as I trust that well-exposed light waves will find their way to my camera sensor." – Vernon Chalmers

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation Quotations

Personal Approach in Developing Mental Health Quotations

Motivational Insights from Vernon Chalmers

About and Disclaimer

Benefits of Reading Mental Health Quotes

"Reading mental health quotes can have several positive effects on your well-being. Here are some benefits:

• Connection and Empathy: Mental health quotes help you feel less alone by connecting you with others who understand what you’re going through. They remind you that struggles are normal and common, reducing feelings of shame or inadequacy.

• Perspective Shift: Quotes provide alternative viewpoints, allowing you to express emotions and gain insights into your own experiences. They offer wisdom and encouragement, helping you navigate challenges.

• Stress Reduction: Losing yourself in a good book, including quotes, can reduce stress levels. Even reading as little as six minutes a day has been shown to decrease stress by 60% by reducing heart rate and easing muscle tension 4.

Remember, mental health is essential, and seeking professional support when needed is crucial." (Microsoft Copilot 2024)