Vernon Chalmers Personality Disorder Research

ASPD, BP, BPD and NPD Research Synopsis

“Personality disorders belong on Axis II of a mental health diagnosis chart, along with other developmental disorders. In other words, someone who is a histrionic or psychopath (narcissist) can never fully be rehabilitated. The diagnosis is grouped with other developmental delays, the only difference is the psychopath, narcissist, etc. are a little bit higher functioning but lack the reasoning and empathy to make the choices for the betterment of society. These are the people that run our country and various other high-ranking institutions because they crave power. Would you allow your child with Down's Syndrome to drive your car? Why elect an unfit person to speak for you in the world? At least the person with Down's Syndrome can feel empathy and love, a narcissist, psychopath, histrionic, etc. cannot.” ― Kara D. Spain

"Vernon Chalmers has conducted extensive research on various personality disorders, including Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Bipolar Disorder (BP), and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Here’s a brief synopsis of his work on these disorders:

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD):

• Chalmers explores the behavioral patterns and neuropsychological aspects of ASPD, focusing on the lack of empathy, impulsivity, and chronic violation of social norms 1.
  
  
• His research emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying motivations and environmental factors contributing to ASPD 1.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):

• Chalmers investigates the emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and unstable interpersonal relationships characteristic of BPD 1.
  
  
• He highlights the significance of early intervention and the role of therapeutic approaches in managing BPD symptoms 1.

Bipolar Disorder (BP):

• His work on BP includes examining the cyclical nature of mood episodes, ranging from manic to depressive states 1.
  
  
• Chalmers underscores the importance of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle modifications 1.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):

• Chalmers delves into the grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy seen in NPD 2.
  
  
• He discusses the challenges in treating NPD and the necessity for tailored therapeutic strategies to address the unique needs of individuals with this disorder 2.

Vernon Chalmers Cluster B Personality Disorder Research Criteria

Vernon Chalmers’ research on Cluster B personality disorders, which include Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is grounded in the criteria outlined in the DSM-5-TR.

Here are some key aspects of his research criteria:

Emotional Dysregulation:

• Chalmers focuses on the intense and often unstable emotions experienced by individuals with Cluster B disorders. This includes rapid mood swings and difficulty managing emotions 1.

Distorted Self-Image:

• His research examines how individuals with these disorders often have a distorted or unstable self-image, which can lead to issues with self-esteem and identity 1.

Impulsivity:

• Impulsive behaviors are a significant criterion in Chalmers’ research. This includes actions taken without forethought or consideration of the consequences, which can be harmful to oneself or others 1.

Pathological Behavior:

• Chalmers investigates the patterns of behavior that are considered abnormal or pathological, such as manipulative actions, deceitfulness, and a lack of empathy 1.

Interpersonal Relationships:

• His work also delves into the instability and intensity of interpersonal relationships seen in Cluster B disorders. This includes patterns of idealization and devaluation in relationships 1.

Chalmers’ research is instrumental in providing a deeper understanding of these complex personality disorders and developing effective intervention strategies.

Comorbidity of Cluster B Personality Disorders

Cluster B personality disorders, which include borderline, antisocial, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders, often co-occur with other mental health conditions.
 

• This comorbidity can complicate diagnosis and treatment. For instance, individuals with Cluster B disorders frequently experience mood disorders like depression and bipolar disorder 1 2. 
  
  
• Substance abuse is also common, which can exacerbate symptoms and hinder treatment 1.
  
  
• The presence of multiple disorders can lead to more severe symptoms and a poorer prognosis. 

Therefore, it’s crucial for mental health professionals to carefully assess and address all co-occurring conditions to provide effective treatment 1 2." (Microsoft Copilot)

Effects of Child Abuse on Adults

Leaving a Bipolar Personality Disorder (BP) Relationship

Leaving a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Relationship

Leaving a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Relationship

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

How to Cope With The Loss of a Mother

The Loss of A Mother: Awareness, Assistance and Resources

“Losing a mother doesn’t happen in a moment. It takes years to appreciate the impact of what’s gone.” ― Lisa-Jo Baker

“We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”

― Angie Corbett-Kuiper

Grieving The Loss of a Mother

How to Cope With The Loss of a Mother
"Losing a mother can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. Coping with such a loss is a deeply personal journey, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are some strategies that may help you navigate through this difficult time:

• Allow yourself to grieve: It's important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, or any other emotions you may be experiencing. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes naturally to you.
  
  
• Seek support: Surround yourself with loved ones who can offer comfort and understanding. Don't hesitate to lean on friends, family members, or support groups who can provide emotional support during this time.
  
  
• Take care of yourself: Grieving can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. Make sure to prioritize self-care activities such as eating healthily, exercising, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities that bring you comfort and joy.
  
  
• Express your feelings: Find healthy outlets for expressing your emotions, whether it's through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in creative activities like art or music.
  
  
• Honor your mother's memory: Find meaningful ways to commemorate your mother's life and legacy. This could involve creating a memorial, participating in rituals or traditions that were important to her, or finding ways to carry on her values and passions.
  
  
• Give yourself time: Healing from the loss of a mother is a gradual process, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through your grief journey.
  
  
• Consider seeking professional help: If you're struggling to cope with your mother's loss or finding it difficult to function in your daily life, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss.

Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of a loved one. It's important to honor your own unique process and give yourself the time and space you need to heal." (Source: ChatGPT 2024)

Caring Words of Sympathy for the Loss of a Mother Love To Know

Coping With a Mother’s Death Franciscan Media

Coping with the Loss of a Mother Medium

Grieving the Loss of a Mother: Ways Daughters Can Cope Psych Central

Helpful Tips for Coping with the Loss of a Mother Care Dimensions

How to Cope with the Loss of Your Mother Grief and Sympathy

How to Deal With the Death of a Mother Verywell Mind

How to Deal with the Sudden Loss of Your Mother wikiHow

I Lost My Mom 5 Years Ago. Today, I'm Still Grieving. Coveteur

Loss Of A Mother: What It’s Really Like to Lose a Mother Mantra Care

Mother Loss Resources Motherless Daughters Australia

My Mother's death isn't something I survived. It's something I'm still living through. NBC News

My Mum died 11 years ago. Here’s what I've learned about Grief Glamour

Six Healing Ways To Grieve The Loss Of Your Mother Your Tango

Ten Lessons My Mother’s Death Taught Me About Healing and Happiness Tiny Buddha

The Complex Grief of Losing a Mother You Already Mourned LITHUB

The Loss of a Mother: How to Cope with Grief, despite Age Good News Share

The Unimaginable Heartbreak of Losing Your Mom Her View From Home

What Losing my Mother as a Teenager Taught Me about Life, Love and Healing Now to Love

What I Learned From Losing My Mother When I Was 17 The Cut

What I Wish my Friends had said to me after my Mom died Vox

When Your Mother Dies She Recovers

Why the Death of Your Mother Is a Life-Changing Event Psychology Today

Healing from Grief, Loss and Death of a Loved One | Powerful Motivation Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

The Organization of DSM-5-TR™ Updated Edition

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5-TR™)

Organization

Developmental Lifespan 

DSM-5 and DSM-5-TR are organized in sequence with the developmental lifespan. This organization is evident in every chapter and within individual diagnostic categories, with disorders typically diagnosed in childhood detailed first, followed by those in adolescence, adulthood, and later life. Disorders previously addressed in a single “infancy, childhood and adolescence” chapter are now integrated throughout the manual. 

20 Disorder Chapters: 

DSM-5-TR has the same structure as DSM-5. 

• Neurodevelopmental Disorders
• Schizophrenia Spectrum and Other Psychotic Disorders
• Bipolar and Related Disorders
• Depressive Disorders 
• Anxiety Disorders 
• Elimination Disorders 
• Other Mental Disorders and Additional Codes 
• Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders
• Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
• Dissociative Disorders 
• Somatic Symptom and Related Disorders 
• Feeding and Eating Disorders
• Sleep-Wake Disorder 
• Sexual Dysfunctions 
• Gender Dysphoria 
• Disruptive, Impulse-Control, and Conduct Disorders
• Substance-Related and Addictive Disorders
• Neurocognitive Disorders
• Personality Disorders
• Paraphilic Disorder
• Medication-Induced Movement Disorders and Other Adverse Effects of Medication
• Other Conditions That May Be a Focus of Clinical Attention

The Organization of DSM-5-TR PDF Download American Psychiatric Association

DSM is the manual used by clinicians and researchers to diagnose and classify mental disorders. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) will publish DSM-5-TR in 2022. APA is a national medical specialty society whose more than 37,400 physician members specialize in the diagnosis, treatment, prevention, and research of mental illnesses, including substance use disorders.

Visit the APA website at www.psychiatry.org

Order the DSM-5™ Collection and Related Titles at www.appi.org 

For more information, please contact APA Communications at 202-459-9732 or press@psych.org.

© 2022 American Psychiatric Association 

Abuse and Domestic Violence Articles

Abuse and Domestic Violence Awareness Articles

“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.” ― Judith Lewis Herman

“Choose to live, by choosing to leave.” ― DJ Kyos

Abuse and Domestic Violence Article Resources

For Men and Women Leaving Abusive Relationships

For Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Survivors of Domestic, Child, Emotional, Physical, Sexual and Verbal Abuse  

Abuse and Domestic Violence
"Abuse and domestic violence are serious issues that require immediate attention and support. While I'm an AI language model and not a substitute for professional help, I can provide some general information and guidance. Remember, it's important to reach out to professionals who can offer personalized assistance. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right away.

Here are a few important points to consider:

1. Safety: Your safety, or the safety of the person experiencing abuse, is the top priority. If you're in immediate danger, find a safe place away from the abuser. If possible, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a local shelter to seek assistance.

2. Seek support: It's crucial to talk to someone about your situation. Reach out to a helpline or support organization that specializes in domestic violence. They can provide guidance, resources, and emotional support. In many countries, there are hotlines available 24/7 to provide assistance. They can help you create a safety plan and connect you with local services.

3. Reporting: Consider reporting the abuse to the appropriate authorities. This can be the police or a local law enforcement agency. They can guide you on the necessary steps to take and offer protection if needed.

4. Legal protection: Familiarize yourself with the legal protections available in your jurisdiction for victims of domestic violence. This may include obtaining a restraining order or protective order against the abuser. Consult with a lawyer or legal aid organization to understand your options.

5. Counseling and therapy: Emotional support is crucial for healing and recovery. Seek counseling or therapy services specifically for survivors of abuse. They can provide a safe space to process your experiences and help you develop coping mechanisms.

6. Support networks: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can provide comfort and a sense of community.

Remember, it's important to consult with professionals who can provide personalized advice based on your specific circumstances. They can offer guidance tailored to your situation and connect you with appropriate resources.

If you need immediate help or information, please reach out to a local helpline or emergency service." (Source: Chat GPT 2023)

Are you in an Abusive Relationship? How to Recognize and Deal with Verbal and Emotional Abuse Free PDF Download Dr. Susan Kriegler  

Domestic Violence and Education: Examining the Impact of Domestic Violence on Young Children, Children, and Young People and the Potential Role of Schools Frontiers in Psychology

Abuse Amnesia: Why We Stay with Our Abusive Partners GoodTherapy

Abusive Relationships: Don't Let Abusers Waste Your Empathy Article

Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship Article

Breaking Trauma Bonds One Step at a Time Article

Characteristics of Abusers Article

Can a Relationship Be Saved After Domestic Violence? Article

Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Abuse GoodTherapy

Controlling Behavior Has a Reason - and a Better Alternative Article 

Domestic Abuse, Sexual Violence and Substance Use Article

Domestic Violence and Abuse Article

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships Article

Domestic Violence Facts, Types and Effects Article

Domestic Violence Against Men Article

Domestic Violence Against Men : Prevalence and Risk Factors Article

Domestic Violence Resource Manual PDF Document Download

Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships: The Role of Gender and Age Article

Family Violence Explained Article

Guide to Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse n Scotland  PDF Document Download

Help for Men Who are Being Abused Article

Help-seeking by male victims of domestic violence and abuse (DVA): A Systematic
Review and Qualitative Evidence Synthesis PDF Document Download

How Can I Explain the Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Me? Article

How Long Does It Take to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse? Article

How To Cope With A Loved One’s Antisocial Personality Article

How Survivors of Intimate Partner Abuse Take Back Control Psychology Today

How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship Article

How to Heal After an Abusive Relationship Article

How To Help A Friend Who May Be In An Abusive Relationship Article

How to Identify a Narcissist - and Cope with their Potentially Toxic Behavior Article

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship Article

How to Leave a Violent Relationship Safely Article

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship and Never Go Back Article

How To Leave A Narcissist & An Abusive Relationship Article

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love Article

How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship from the Inside Article

How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse Article

How to Recognize Verbal Abuse Article

How To Spot Narcissistic Abuse : Behaviors & Warning Signs Article

How To Tell If You’re In a Trauma Bonding Relationship Article

I am in an Abusive Relationship. Is there help out there? Article

International Domestic Violence Resource Guide (2025) MysticMag

In a Relationship with a Narcissist? What You Need to Know About
Narcissistic Relationships Article

I Didn't Know a Man Could Be Abused by a Woman Article

Inside the Mind of a Stalker Article

Intimate Partner Abuse of Men Australia PDF Document Download

Leaving an Abusive Relationship when you Live Together Article

Living with a New Partner After Abuse Article

Love Bombing : The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Article

Male Domestic Abuse is more Common than you Think Article

Male Victims of Domestic Violence Struggle to Disclose Abuse Article

Male Victims of Sexual Violence: War's Silent Sufferers Article

Men Abused by Women in Intimate Relationships PDF Document Download

Men’s Experience of Domestic Abuse (Scotland) PDF Document Download

Men’s Experiences of Violence and Abuse from a Female Intimate Partner: Power,
Masculinity and Institutional Systems (Doctoral Research) PDF Document Download

Men's Experiences of Violence in Intimate Relationships PDF Document Download

Narcissist Abuse and Cognitive Dissonance More

Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Idealization, Devaluation, Rejection Article

Narcissistic Abuse and Gaslighting Resources

Narcissistic Abuse: Signs, Effects & Treatments Article

Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome Article

Nine Types of Violence and Abuse PDF Document Download

Patterns of Physical Abuse : Domestic Violence Article

Profile of an Abuser – Traits of an Abuser Article

Overcoming the Aftermath of Leaving a Toxic Relationship Article

Qualitative Study to Investigate Male victims’ Experiences of Female-Perpetrated
Domestic Abuse in Jordan PDF Document Download

Reactive Abuse: What It is and Why Abusers Rely on It Article

 
Reclaiming Your Voice: Saying No to Emotional Abuse  Article

Recovery: Resilience and Growth in the Aftermath of Domestic Violence PDF Download

Recognize Domestic Violence Against Men Article

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse, Part I: Blindsided Article

Relationship Abuse Recovery Articles Vernon Chalmers

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse, Part II: The No-Contact Rule Article

Relationship Abuse Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) Article

Relationship Red Flags More

Resource Guide for Male Survivors of Abuse, Sexual Assault and Trauma Article

Serving Male-Identified Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence PDF Document Download 

Silent Treatment: Preferred Weapon of People with Narcissism Article

Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome Article

Signs of an Abusive Wife and How to Deal With It Marriage

Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships That You Should Never Overlook Article

Signs Someone Is Coming Off As Abrasive Without Realizing It Article

Signs That Indicate a Relationship Could Turn Violent Article

Signs That Your Relationship Could Turn Abusive Article

Signs You're the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse Article

Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist - and How to Get Out Article

Signs Your Girlfriend is a Psychopath Article

Steps to Leave a Toxic Relationship Article

Signs You Are Experiencing Trauma After A Toxic Relationship Article

Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship and Need To Let Go Article

Some Thoughts about Victimization, Anger and Abuse Article

Supporting Someone in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship Article

Talking to Men about Gender, Domestic and Sexual Violence and HIV/AIDS
 PDF Document Download

The Effects of Domestic Violence: The Male Victims Perspective PDF Document Download

The Effect of Parental Emotional Abuse on the severity and treatment of PTSD symptoms in Children and Adolescents Science Direct

The Effect of Relationship Abuse on Children Article

The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence : Abused Men in Intimate Heterosexual Relationships

PDF Document Download

The Complete Guide to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Verywell Health

The Most Glaring Traits of a Female Narcissist Article

The Systematic Silencing of Male Victims of Sexual Violence in Conflict Article Article

The Toxic Shadow of Emotional Abuse Article

The Understudied Female Sexual Predator Article

Things I Wish I Knew Before Leaving My Abusive Relationship Article

Things Men Don’t Realize About Domestic Violence Article

Toxic Relationships: How to Let Go When It’s Unhappily Ever After Article

Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships Article

Treating Women Who Have Experienced Intimate Partner Violence PDF Document Download

Toxic Relationships : How To Let Go when its Unhappily Ever After Article

Tricks of Toxic Narcissists (in Abusive Relationships) Article

Types of Abuse in Domestic and Family Violence Article

Understanding the Signs of Domestic Violence Article

Understanding Verbal Abuse Article

Victimization, Anger and Abuse Article

What Are the Signs of Domestic Abuse? Article

What Causes Domestic Violence? Article

What Causes Relationship Abuse? Article

What is Domestic Abuse? Article

What is a Toxic Relationship? Article

What's 'Love Bombing' And How Do I Know When It's Happening To Me? Article

What Is Stockholm Syndrome? Article

What is Verbal Abuse? Article

What is Sexual Abuse in Marriage Article 

What Type of Woman Stalks Men? Article

When I finally left my abusive relationship, I found support lacking for men like me Article

When Men are Victims of Violence Article

Why Do People Abuse? Article

Why do People Abuse other People Mental Health and Motivation

Why Do People Abuse Other People? Article

Why did I Waste So Long in an Abusive Relationship? Discussion

Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship Article

'Why It Took 10 Years For Me To Realise I Was In An Abusive Relationship' Article

Women who Kill in Response to Domestic Violence: How do Criminal Justice
Systems Respond? PDF Document Download

You are not responsible for Domestic Violence… Article

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Vernon Chalmers Abusive Behaviour Towards Me

Vernon Chalmers My Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

Vernon Chalmers Relationship Red Flags I Ignored For Months

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Go To: Abuse and Domestic Violence Books >>

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🎓 All  Abuse Domestic Violence and Trauma Resource

The Youth Mind: Rising Aggression and Anger Report 2025

 The Youth Mind: Rising Aggression and Anger Report by Sapien Labs

The Youth Mind: Rising Aggression and Anger Report 2025

The Youth Mind: Rising Aggression and Anger Report by Sapiens Lab

"Summary:

In this report we deep dive into the mind of Internet-enabled 13-17-year-olds in the United States (US) and India, asking what is behind the alarming trends of increasing suicides and violence reported among adolescents by the CDC and National Mental Health statistics in India. This data represents an extension of the Global Mind Project that captures data through separate projects running in the US and India. The data includes ratings of 47 aspects of mind health along with  numerous lifestyle and life experience factors and was captured in 2024 from 10,475 adolescents.

We highlight three key trends:

• First, the generational decline in mind health & wellbeing seen in adults extends into adolescence. Adolescents aged 13–17 fare worse than young adults aged 18-24 who in turn fare worse than those aged 25-34, and so on. This pattern is even visible year by year where 13-year-olds fare worse than 14-years-olds who in turn fare worse than 15-year-olds and so on. The trend is particularly pronounced in girls where 65% are distressed or struggling in a manner that substantially impairs their ability to function effectively in the world and would be of clinical concern. 
  
  
• Second, the dominant problems in 13–17-year-olds extend beyond sadness and anxiety to include unwanted, strange thoughts and a sense of being detached from reality, while the problems that are increasing fastest with each younger age group are feelings of aggression towards others, anger & irritability and hallucinations.
  
  
• Finally, these rapidly increasing problems of aggression and anger & irritability, particularly in females, can in a large part be attributed to the increasingly younger age at which children are now getting a smartphone. Differences with age are eliminated when controlling for the age of first smartphone.

Why it matters:

• The findings provide an explanation for growing violence and fear of safety among students that has been reported by the CDC.
  
  
• The report supports a policy of "wait until 8th" (or later) for smartphones.
  
  
• These symptoms aren’t captured in typical mental health screenings such as PHQ-9 and GAD-7.
  
  
• Altogether, with more children getting their first smartphone at a younger age, these findings predict an increasingly violent future for society."

Source: Sapien Labs (The Global Mind Project)

Download / Read: The Youth Mind: Rising Aggression and Anger >>

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

No Shame in Mental Health Illness

No Shame in Mental Health Illness: Awareness and Resources 

“We are not our trauma. We are not our brain chemistry. That’s part of who we are, but we’re so much more than that.” ― Sam J. Miller

“Although the general perception of mental illness has improved over the past decades, studies show that stigma against mental illness is still powerful, largely due to media stereotypes and lack of education, and that people tend to attach negative stigmas to mental health conditions at a far higher rate than to other diseases and disabilities, such as cancer, diabetes or heart disease.” ― Jean Holthaus

No Shame in Mental Health Illness

"Absolutely, there is no shame in having a mental health illness. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people around the world experience mental health challenges, and it’s crucial to break the stigma associated with them.

• Organizations like Mind and NAMI emphasize the importance of tackling the negative impact of shame on those with mental health issues 1 2.
  
  
• Campaigns like “It’s okay to not be okay” aim to encourage open conversations and support for those struggling 1.
  
  
• Remember, you deserve help, support, and care. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional can make a significant difference.
  
  
• If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health issues, it’s important to be kind to yourself and others. Small steps like talking about your feelings, spending time in nature, or engaging in activities you enjoy can help improve your mental well-being1." (Source Microsoft Copilot)

"There is absolutely no shame in taking care of your mental health. Just like physical health, mental well-being is essential to living a balanced, fulfilled life. Yet, the stigma surrounding mental health often prevents people from seeking help, fearing judgment or misunderstanding.

Here are a few points to remember:

1. Mental Health is Universal: Everyone has mental health, just as everyone has physical health. Feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed at times is part of the human experience. Seeking support when things get tough is a sign of strength, not weakness.

2. Seeking Help is Brave: Therapy, counseling, or simply talking to a friend can be transformative. It shows self-awareness and the courage to work on oneself. Everyone needs help sometimes, whether it’s for minor stress or deeper emotional challenges.

3. Mental Health is Health: Mental illnesses, like depression or anxiety, are medical conditions that require care, just like diabetes or heart disease. Managing mental health should be normalized and treated with the same urgency as physical health.

4. Self-Care Isn't Selfish: Taking time for yourself to recharge mentally isn’t selfish—it's necessary. Whether it's through hobbies, meditation, exercise, or rest, self-care helps you maintain emotional balance and resilience.

5. Breaking the Stigma: The more we talk about mental health openly, the less the stigma will hold power. Conversations about mental health can normalize the experience, helping others feel less alone and more likely to reach out for support.

By acknowledging mental health and prioritizing it, you're not only helping yourself, but you’re also setting an example that others can follow." (Souce: ChatGPT 2024)

Americans Becoming More Open About Mental Health (Survey) American Psychological Association

How to Cope With Stigma When You Have a Mental Illness Verywell Mind

It's Okay Not to Be Okay: Mental Health Awareness for Students Highlands and Islands Students' Association

Let’s Face It, No One Wants To Talk About Mental Health McLean Hospital

Mental health: Overcoming the Stigma of Mental Illness Mayo Clinic

Mental Health Stigma and Discrimination Mental Health Foundation

Never Be Ashamed of Seeking Help NAMI

No Shame Game: Removing The Mental Health Stigma Best Self Therapy

No Shame Resources – Supporting Mental Health SAFE Project

No Shame in dealing with Matters of the Mind Al Jazeera

Our best Mental Health Tips - Backed by Research Mental Health Foundation

Reducing the Stigma of Mental Health Disorders with a Focus on Low- and Middle-Income Countries ScienceDirect

Shame, Anxiety, Stigma and Clinical Encounters NIH

No Stigma, No Shame: Breaking the Silence of Mental Illness Psychology Toda

Stigma, Discrimination and Mental Illness BetterHelp

Stigma, Prejudice and Discrimination Against People with Mental Illness American Psychiatric Association

Taking Steps to Overcome Shame in Mental Health Western Tidewater Community Services Board

The Difference Between Mental Health and Mental Illness HelpStartHere

There Is No Shame in Seeking Help for Depression LHSFNA

Understanding and Addressing Mental Health Stigma in Asia Cigna

Understanding and Addressing Mental Health Stigma Across Cultures for Improving Psychiatric Care: A Narrative Review NIH

What is mental health stigma? Medical News Today

Acceptance: There Is No Shame - Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources

20 Relationship Red Flags Unfortunately Ignored for Months

Red Flag Antisocial Behavior Awareness and Manifestations

Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Developing Close Relationship 

"The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart."— April Mae Monterrosa

“You will never know how damaged a person is until you try to love them.” — Anonymous

Common and Perpetual Relationship Red Flags

Relationship Red Flag Behavior Warning Signs

Relationship Red Flag Behavior could be Permanent Behavior

20 Red Flag Behavior / Relationship Conclusions 

For months (during 2019 / 2020) I was witness to / and on the receiving end of the most abusive and antisocial relationship behaviour that I have ever experienced in my life. I started living with my ex-girlfriend during the first Covid-lockdown period where her unprovoked abusive behaviour towards me happened on a regular basis.

I observed many of her communication and behaviour patterns as potential red flags early on in the relationship (even before our lockdown), but foolishly ignored most of them. It was only when her threatening behaviour escalated into physical assault, violence and perpetual verbal abuse that I realised the seriousness of the situation. It wasn't an easy decision, but after this realisation (and the fact that her behaviour against me could deteriorate further) I took the necessary action to withdraw from the toxic relationship.

From red flag incidents to serious antisocial behaviour manifestations 

I will briefly describe twenty of the most profound red flag incidents that occurred during the course of the relationship. This will be followed by associating the incidents with specific irrational behavioural manifestations / characteristics - as perceived and identified by me during an approximately nine-month period.

Red Flag behaviour / incidents that had the biggest impact on me (and the relationship):

1. She was rarely ever on time when she visited my apartment. To be more than an hour late sometimes is no exaggeration. I phoned her once after she did not arrive for more than three hours - she merely told me she forgot (and this was while she was in my area on business prior to our confirmed appointment).
   
   
2. I lived like a guest in her apartment. In the three to four months I lived with her she never made me feel at home and / or offered me any shelf space for my clothing. I changed clothes out of my bags in the lounge (mornings and nights). She never discussed this with me other than to tell me there is no space for most of my belongings.
   
   
3. She never offered to wash my clothing during the entire lockdown period, but she would do hers once a week. During a four month period I asked her twice - which she then did. The rest of the time I made alternative arrangements. 
   
   
4. I was never thanked for anything I did or purchased. She showed no gratitude whatsoever. Not for food, flowers, gifts, weekends away etc. - I was never thanked for any of my efforts and / or any payments for whatever she / we needed.
    
5. From very early on in the relationship I was asked when are we getting married. I was flattered the first time she asked, but felt uneasy with frequent reminders (as I was learning the rest of her red flag behaviour). 
   
   
6. A few months into the relationship (as I was about to discuss my concerns about her behaviour) I was told the food that I purchased / cooked for us made her fat. This after she selected most of the shopping herself. For this I chased her out of my apartment - of which I immediately aplogised the next day. She never apologised for her inconsiderate comment or behaviour ever.
   
   
7. She told me in the beginning of the relationship of a previous boyfriend taking over in her kitchen. Well, after a few months, she bestowed exactly the same fate upon me. This after I tiptoed 'on egg shells' in her kitchen (and never really taken any initiative unless we were cooking together).
   
   
8. My text messages to her were regularly misinterpreted and / or treated with cold disdain. It was almost if any written communication / text messages were perceived as negative communication (or she had little interest reading them in full). Many of my messages were left unanswered.
   
   
9. I was never trusted with assisting her. She would ask for my assistance with many (financial) projects, but when it came time to assist her she would postpone /or just forget about it. She was very quick to accept any monetary assistance (which I offered through a CFD trading portfolio I created for her). I was never thanked for any profit generated or for the subsequent transfers into her bank account.
   
   
10. She told me one morning she felt like a second-class citizen living in her own apartment with me there. A the time I did not say anything, but I was rather disappointed and taken aback by her comment. 
    
    
11. I was accused early into the relationship that I do not see / responded to her crying (one evening). The more I apologised (over many weeks) that I did not see or heard it, the more she was of opinion that I was lying. Enforced gaslighting in my opinion.
    
    
12. I was threatened with her chef's knife (with the words - 'I will kill you') after she lost a few games of chess against me one evening. The verbal abuse that followed scared me more. I was shocked to the core - this was the first incident of a serious threat and verbal abuse, but unfortunatly not the last.
    
    
13. I was physically assaulted one evening for switching off the television (without her even watching). I was punched, kicked and my shirt ripped from my body. A large chocolate Easter bunny was bashed over my head while I was grabbing my bags to go home. Even then I was still determined to make the relationship work. How naïve of me... 
    
    
14. She was verbally abusive on many occasions. Mostly over the telephone and it escalated to weekly episodes towards the end of the relationship. It was so bad at times that I had to switch my phone off.
    
    
15. She never apologized for anything. She even sent me a follow-up message to remind me that I deserved to be assaulted by her - referring to the physical assault and Easter bunny incident. No remorse or compassion were ever shown towards me.  
    
    
16. I have never met a more obtuse racist in my life. Needless to say that I have never witnessed  bigotry of this nature from anyone in any personal, social or business relationship before. I was concerned with her blatant racist name calling and belittling (of anyone from a different race) from very early in the relationship.
    
    
17. Her frequent (and vulgar) swearing made me cringe at times. She would swear at her mother (over the phone) when she did not get her way. It did not take her very long to engage with me in exactly the same tone of verbal abuse (and swearing) as she did towards her mother.
    
    
18. Asked me to hide (or leave) for three hours when a male friend was about to visit her one weekend. I was very upset about this. Apart from her mother and brothers (and one friend) she did not introduce me to anybody else in her life - not even to one of her employees when we visited her clothing boutique one afternoon. 
    
    
19. On occasion I did nor respond to her threatening text messages and she phoned my sister to inform her in no uncertain terms that she wants to kill me. My sister put the phone down after getting verbally abused by her, but phoned her back a while later to engage in a normal discussion.
    
    
20. Bad-mouthing of a previous boyfriend over and over again. In the beginning of the relationship I believed her, now I know he must have gone through the same patterns / red flags as me. Today I am probably as bad a statistic as him (and possibly others) when measured against her more than likely psychopathological mindset.

Classic Antisocial Behaviour Characteristics identified from my Red Flag list:

• Aggressive Disposition 𐐭 Antagonism 𐐭 Anger  
• Callousness 𐐭 Controlling Nature 𐐭 Disrespectful
• Emotionally Unavailable 𐐭 Excessive Swearing
• False Sense of Entitlement 𐐭 Grandiose Delusions
• Inconsiderate Behavior 𐐭 Lack of Trust 𐐭 Poor Confidence
• Lack of Hospitality 𐐭 Lack of Self-Awareness 𐐭 Unequal Effort 
• No Empathy 𐐭 No Compassion 𐐭 No Gratitude
• No Remorse 𐐭 Physical Assault 𐐭 Poor Communication
• Poor Decision-Making 𐐭 Poor Financial Planning
• Chronic Lateness 𐐭 Racism 𐐭 Rage 𐐭 Gaslighting
• Negative Score Keeping  𐐭 Self-Centered 𐐭 Emotional Projection
• Selfishness 𐐭 Verbal Abusive 𐐭 Domestic Violence
• Self-Absorbed 𐐭 False Sense of Self (Environment)

Hare Psychopathy Checklist Correlation

My 'Antisocial Behavioural List' is not necessarily aligned with the relatively well-known 'Hare Psychopathy Checklist' developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The 'red flag' characteristics as described by me where experienced from an intermittent behavioural perspective that manifested a definite pervasive pattern over time. The 'Antisocial Behaviour Characteristics' as experienced by me correlates significantly with some of Hare's psychopathy behaviour descriptions. However, there are many antisocial behavioural criteria described by Hare that had no association during my own 'red flag' behavioural observations and / or personal conclusions (from an antisocial and contentious partner).

Relationship Antisocial Behavior Manifestations

DSM-5-TR Antisocial Behavior Criteria
What made me really think (after the relationship) from a more contemporary research perspective and / or possible origin of many 'universal relationship red flags' are the various well-defined antisocial behaviour symptoms as published by the American Psychiatric Association in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the DSM-5-TR (2020). Read more about the (diagnostic) criteria with reference to antisocial behaviour as published in a DSM-referenced article by the NIH / National Library of Medicine (Kristy A. Fisher; Tyler J. Torrico; Manassa Hany. U.S. Feb. 2024). There may be various reasons for someone displaying 'red flags' at the start or during a (personal) relationship, but it is worth having a look at the above NIH article in gaining a more coherent understanding of antisocial behaviour that could (also) be experienced as 'relationship red flags'.

Despite the waving red flags...

There were various other intermittent behaviour unpleasantries, but less obvious 'red flag' incidents. The covert warnings signs were omnipresent, like tiny flashing needles, slowly weaving disturbing patterns into an unhealthy codependent relationship tapestry - from the first day I met her until literally the cathartic final week. I still wonder many times why I did not leave earlier. There were many days when I knew I had enough, but still decided to stay. I really believed, against my own better judgement, that we could have worked things out. I wanted this particular relationship to be normal for both of us - with mutual love, trust and respect. Unfortunately, I knew from early on that she would not or could not be that special person to spend the rest of my life with.

Distorted sense of self

She did not see anything wrong from her side of the relationship. She kept on lecturing me / reminding me ever so often about all the so-called things I did wrong - to the extent that I asked her if she kept an Excel spreadsheet for scoring / updating my (poor) behaviour and judgements. An important note here is that her 'lecturing' always occurred when I wanted to discuss the state of the relationship. Towards the end she gave me one opportunity for discussing the relationship without interrupting me - and that was the unfortunate moment I realised that 'the lights were on, but no-one's home'.

Antisocial behaviour concern
Some of my major concerns were her relentless lack of empathy, gratitude, guilt and remorse during the relationship. The growing awareness of these chronic rudimental behaviour deficiencies manifested to such an extend inside me that I started questioning my own sanity to ever 'live up to her standards and / or perfectionism'. It was only settled within me after I took a step back and rationally assessed her overall behavioral disposition on my own / and with the guidance of one of my professional mental health / life coach friends. My friend's honesty stung at first, but it was exactly the objective re-assurance I needed to hear that I am involved in a (codependent) relationship with someone displaying frequent narcissistic and antisocial behaviour tendencies.

'Justification' for abusive behaviour

Towards the end of the relationship I received a text message to let me know that I deserved to be attacked by her - referring to the insident where she hit me over the head. Probably her own callous 'justification' that she did the right thing. I did not respond. A while later I received a second message inviting me to have lunch with her the following day. I responded more than 24 hours later to let her know that due to her first message lunch would never have been an option. This was perhaps the final straw that broke the camel's back. It was the first time that I enforced a boundary for not accepting an invitation and / or meeting with her. 

False Sense of Entitlement >>

Reflecting on the troublesome relationship

In hindsight it is easy to say I could have handled the relationship / her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour towards me differently. I wish I could, but at the time things were moving so quickly and for what it's worth I had some of the best times of my life as well with her. Reflecting on the relationship red flags / other disparities I have identified my own interpersonal relationship challenges with regard to my cognitive dissonance and my relationship codependency shortcomings. Working towards a healthier interpersonal and relationship boundary framework is one of my first behavioral goals for creating a more confident approach towards other / future relationships.

© Vernon Chalmers : Mental Health and Motivation (20 Relationship Red Flags)

"Vernon Chalmers has written extensively about relationship red flags on his “Mental Health and Motivation” website. He shares his personal experiences and insights to help others recognize and address these warning signs early on.

In his article titled “20 Relationship Red Flags Unfortunately Ignored for Months,” he outlines several key red flags, including:

• Lack of Gratitude: He noticed that his partner rarely thanked him for anything he did or purchased, which was a significant red flag.

• Inconsistent Behavior: His partner was often late for appointments and sometimes forgot about them entirely.

• Lack of Consideration: During the time he lived with his partner, she never made him feel at home or offered him space for his belongings.

• Unprovoked Abusive Behavior: He experienced regular unprovoked abusive behavior, which escalated to physical assault and perpetual verbal abuse 1.

Chalmers emphasizes the importance of not ignoring these red flags, as they can indicate deeper issues in the relationship. Recognizing and addressing these signs early can help prevent further emotional and physical harm." (Source: Microsoft Copilot 2024)

Identifying Red Flags in a Relationship (normally within the first few weeks / months)

"Identifying red flags in a relationship is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Here are some common red flags to be aware of:

• Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to control who you see, what you do, or how you spend your time, it can be a sign of deeper issues 1.
  
  
• Lack of Respect: Disrespect can manifest in many ways, such as belittling comments, ignoring boundaries, or dismissing your feelings 2.
  
  
• Dishonesty: Frequent lying or hiding things from you can erode trust and create a toxic environment 3.
  
  
• Emotional or Physical Abuse: Any form of abuse, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a major red flag and should not be tolerated 2.
  
  
• Love Bombing: Over-the-top gestures and excessive attention early in the relationship can sometimes be a tactic to manipulate and control later on 1.
  
  
• Lack of Communication: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts, which can strain the relationship 4.
  
  
• Jealousy and Possessiveness: While some jealousy is normal, excessive jealousy and possessiveness can indicate insecurity and lead to controlling behavior 5.
  
  
• Substance Abuse: Issues with drugs or alcohol can significantly impact the health and stability of a relationship 1.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to address them early on." (Source: Microsoft Copilot)

About and Disclaimer

Playing Chess and Anger

Relationship Red Flag Resources

Achievements / Lessons from an Abusive Relationship

The Journey of Loss

The Journey of Loss: Awareness, Research and Resources

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." ~ C.S. Lewis

The Journey of Loss Research

The Journey of Loss

"The journey of loss is a deeply personal and often challenging experience that individuals go through when they face the death or absence of someone or something they hold dear. Loss can take many forms, including the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, the loss of a job or career, or even the loss of a cherished dream or aspiration. Here is a general outline of the journey of loss, which can vary in intensity and duration from person to person:

Shock and Denial: When loss first occurs, people often experience shock and disbelief. It can be difficult to accept the reality of the situation, and individuals may find themselves in a state of denial, unable or unwilling to believe that their loss has truly happened.

Pain and Anguish: As the shock begins to wear off, the pain of the loss becomes more pronounced. This can manifest as intense sadness, anger, guilt, or a combination of these emotions. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it can be overwhelming.

Bargaining: In an attempt to cope with the pain, some individuals may engage in bargaining. They may make promises or try to negotiate with a higher power or even with themselves, hoping that by doing so, they can reverse or mitigate the loss in some way.

Depression: Depression is a common phase of the grieving process. It involves a deep sense of sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness. People may withdraw from others, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, and struggle with daily functioning.

Acceptance: Acceptance doesn't mean that the pain of loss completely disappears, but it signifies a shift toward acknowledging and coming to terms with the reality of the situation. It is a gradual process, and individuals begin to find ways to live with their loss.

Healing and Adjustment: With time, many people find ways to heal and adjust to life after their loss. They may create new routines, seek support from friends or professionals, and discover ways to honor and remember what or whom they've lost.

Reinvestment: In this final stage, individuals may start to invest their emotional energy and focus in new areas of life. They may find new interests, form new relationships, or pursue different goals. While the loss remains a part of their history, it no longer dominates their daily existence.

It's essential to remember that the journey of loss is not a linear process, and people may move back and forth between these stages. Grief is a unique and highly individual experience, and there is no "right" way to grieve. Some may find solace in seeking support from friends, family, or therapists, while others may turn to religious or spiritual practices to cope.

The most crucial aspect of the journey of loss is allowing oneself to experience and express the emotions that come with it, seeking support when needed, and understanding that healing takes time. Everyone's path through grief is different, and it's important to respect and honor each person's process." (Source: ChatGPT 2023)

A Review of: “Grief & Loss: Understanding the Journey” ResearchGate

Acceptance, Healing and Rebuilding after Grief and Loss Vernon Chalmers

Coping Strategies for Your Grief Journey from the Bereavement Coordinators Saint Luke’s Hospice

Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt NIH

Grief and Loss - The Effects of Grief and how to deal with it Healthdirect Australia

Grief is a Journey : Finding your path through loss PDF Download Moose Jaw Family Services

Grieving Artists: Influences of Loss and Bereavement on Visual Artmaking PDF Download Lesley University

Honest Conversations About Grief: Navigating the Journey of Loss Good Faith Media

How to Cope With The Loss of a Mother Mental Health and Motivation

Journey With Our Beneficiaries: Finding Hope and Support After the Loss of a Husband Singapore Children’s Society

Learning Through Loss: A Qualitative Study Investigating United States and Chinese Meaning-Making Through Bereavement Academia

My Research Journey: I Lost My Sense of Smell but Gained Perspective on Parkinson’s The Michael J. Fox Foundation For Parkinson's Research

My thoughts on Love, Loss and Grief Vernon Chalmers

The Journey Through Grief Hospice Foundation of America

The Journey Through Grief: The Six Needs of Mourning Center for Loss & Life Transition

The Journey Through Grief: Insights from a Qualitative Study of Electronic Health Record Implementation NIH

The Journey of Bereavement ResearchGate

The Journey of Loss Claremont Practice

The Journey Through Grief HFA / Hospice Foundation of America

The Unpredictable Journey The Loss Foundation

The Sharing of Loss - The Power of One Mental Health and Motivation

Untangling Trauma and Grief after Loss Counseling Today 

 
Understanding the Grief Journey: Navigating Loss and Healing Crossroads Hospice

How Grief Changes Us! - Video

🎓 Mental Health, Psychology and Relationship Resources